Tapping the brakes

We had to tap the brakes last night.  This Christmas train of Chaos and Over Scheduling had a slight derailment after I realized that Mac was indeed running a fever after her dance recital.  Yes, now I'm the asshole who took her kid to dance while she was sick.  I realize that Mac had been a little out of sorts for two days, but I thought it was because we were so crazy busy that she was just tired and worn out like the rest of us.  I was wrong.  Fever.  One hundred and two.  Horrible mother, party of one.

Just hours after Christmas #1.
I'm leaving it all there until further notice.

I knew she was really sick when she didn't want to play.  When all she wanted to do was lay in my bed.  When she wanted me to lay with her.  And with cookies to bake and presents to wrap and a Christmas celebration to put together for Sunday morning, I surrendered to a sick and feverish little one.  I'll admit the idea of laying in my bed with no specific agenda was quite delicious.  Just a little tap of the brakes and I was relaxed, watching Christmas episodes of Peppa Pig and Curious George. Soon I fell asleep.  And it was blissful and re energizing.

My Christmas list this year.

Originally I had planned a pretty packed Saturday night.  It's necessary with this being the last Saturday before Christmas.  It was going to be at the speed of light that we were going to be able to do all things Christmas before Santa was on his way. Instead we had to tap the brakes.  Not everything got done.  Not everything when according to plan. The cookies I planned to make didn't come out as expected.  I broke my cookie press.  I thought that after the kids went to sleep that I'd get a few minutes to write.  Instead I let my laptop sit.  I wanted to get a handle on my gift wrapping for Santa, but that too sat untouched.  Instead I stared at my tree.  I sat with a book all about Christmas that I borrowed from my Mama.  I sat on the couch and watched SNL with my Hubbs and my brother in law. Laughing and joking and slowing the eff down.  I needed that.  I needed to tap the brakes.
Now, I'm typing on a Sunday afternoon.  An unexpected tap because of a little one who's fever hasn't totally broken.  Who is enjoying more Christmas movies and cartoons, while mama types away.  This is a little slice of time we were not expecting.  We are supposed to be at my mother in laws for Christmas #2.  Christmas #1 was this morning at my house, while Mac slept her fever away.  I'm typing surrounded by shredded wrapping paper, new toys still in their boxes, new toys out of their boxes, and over all chaos.  There are so many things I should be doing, but instead I'm doing this.  Tapping the brakes.  Enjoying the slow calm of the afternoon.  Praying that the fever is behind us.  
This year, Christmas has overwhelmed me.  There have been few moments for me to just sit and think. To sit and ponder the wonder around me.  Children that are still young enough to believe in Santa. Who are still in awe over Christmas lights and new shiny ornaments on the tree.  Christmas stories that they have never heard before, movies they haven't seen.  Little moments have saved this season of joy.  Spontaneous cookie baking and ornament making. Staying up past our bedtimes to watch Rudolph. Paying the extra $2.99 because Christmas just isn't the same without watching Charlie Brown buy a scrawny tree, or Linus talk about the true meaning of Christmas.  Even when you are thirty five there are just some things that are sacred this time of year.

My view after I tapped the brakes Saturday night.
Gifts courtesy of the In-Laws.

Christmas is in three days.  Oh how my heart aches.  I want another month of Christmas.  I want another few weeks of cookies and Rudolph.  I want more candy cane reindeer and red and green M&Ms in my candy dish.  I just want more.  I always want more.  Instead I'll tap the brakes a little more these last three days.  Leave wrapping gifts for the last hour.  Sit and watch the Grinch instead of doing all of the things.  
Three more days... Tap.  Tap.  Tap.