WORE {Confidence}

Maxi Dress: Ann Taylor Loft Outlet
Stripped tank: Forever 21
Dirty bathroom mirror: Mac, age 2

 

 

Confidence is an old friend of mine.

We haven't talked in awhile.

She pops up from time to time, puts me back on track.

 

Before I had babies, I had a grip on "me".

I was finally comfortable with me.

My jeans size, my hair, how to put on make up,

that didn't make me look like a side show act.

Confidence was my best friend after college.

I was a working gal, drinking cosmos at happy hour, and enjoying "me".

I didn't question my moves, my successes, or my self.

 

Then I had a baby.

 

Confidence said her goodbyes in the delivery room.

She couldn't be bothered with breastfeeding, bottles, and poopy diapers.

She wanted nothing of PPD and sleepless babies.

She was so disappointed in me and my every three day shower routine.

And she was mortified that I wore make up less than once a month.

 

Slowly I got her back.

A full eight hours of sleep.

A date night.

A toddler who liked to watch movies while mom showered.

So by the next time I was in a delivery room,

Confidence sat in the waiting room.

She came in my room that night and watched as I did the mom routine with out a hiccup.

She came home with me and watched me as I fell into life as a mom of two.

She stuck around this time, no longer afraid of crying babies and lots of poop.

She comes and goes, making sure to drop in when I need a reminder.

 

Yesterday, I got up.

In the quiet of the morning I got ready.

With what passes for make up these days (beauty balm, bronzer, gloss),

and new hair product to make me look "done".

I looked for something to wear that would keep me cool in 95 plus temps,

but would also cover unshaven legs.

Because I didn't have time for that.

I found a maxi with a too low for kindergarten drop off neckline,

and a stripped and wrinkled, one more wear won't hurt, tank top.

 

It was perfect, a why didn't I think of that sooner, match made in heaven, outfit.

 

I felt GREAT!

 

So great that I tackled Target in the morning with Mac.

And Michael's with both girls in the afternoon.

We shopped, we had fun, and nobody cried.

I felt like I was doing something right.

I actually liked that person I saw in the car window.

 

Let me reassure you that a year ago, two years ago, this would not have happened.

I'm the mom who knows her limitations.

Shopping with two kids is a panic attack waiting to happen..

Like a cold sweat, yelling at kids from another aisle, panic attack.

 

Was it really just my old friend Confidence making an appearance?

Is it really that simple?

Can a little bit of beauty effort go a long way?

 

Is it weird that I think I'm just finally accepting the "mom" me?

That this is who I am, and while I'm not the confident adult I once was,

it's totally acceptable that I'm this.

This being a mom with confidence.

In how I look.

How I mother.

How I live.

 

Yesterday, my friend Confidence was with me.

She's changed, but so have I.

 

And we are finally ok with that.

 

 

 

 

Hard Lessons of a Kindergarten Life

 

If you are at all like me, you are turning into your mother at a rapid pace.  The things you say, the things you do, the lives you threaten.  In my case it's not so bad.  Since becoming a mother myself, I now realize my mother is the patron saint of mothers.  All praise Saint Linda.  In any case I find that with a diva that is five going on fifteen, the onslaught of homework given to said five year old, and the lack of patience to deal with it all, I'm becoming the mother who "proves points".

 

I'm sure you know what I'm talking about.  Your child asks for something reasonable in a normal life.  Normal being well organized and put together.  Not the train wreck which is a typical school morning.  A reasonable request for example, Caitlin has been wanting to ride her Princess scooter to school since she saw some 4th grader do it on the first day of Kindergarten.  Ok, so I'm not sure if said scooter-er was in 4th grade, but she was all about it (helmet, bagpack, braid down her back) and alone... So 4th seems reasonable. Anyway, she has been asking everyday since August 20th.  Of course I've been saying "we'll see", because I know it's not going to end well.

 

To start, we live approximately a half mile from school.  Since Caitlin can't even make it around the neighborhood a few times on said scooter, I knew that half a mile was going to be a stretch.  Add to the fact that Little Miss isn't a morning person.  Either am I.  Add one grumpy two year old into the mix and that spells disaster.  So every time she asked about riding her scooter, I made up some excuse, then when she still asked and whined, and cried, I explained how far it was to school.  That it seems like a short distance in the car, but walking and riding a scooter, it's too far.  Of course this was met with "no it's not" and "please, pretty please", and so I knew what I had to do.

 

I had to take one for the mothering team.  I had to put on my running shoes and get out the double stroller, wake up a half hour early, and let her ride that scooter to school.

 

Why I picked a Monday morning I cannot say, but you should know I'm a glutton for punishment.  Let's start off the week right with one sweaty mom, a toddler who has major bed head, and one five year old that has decided that she hates her scooter.  Awesome.  I wish you could hear my sarcasm.

 

Everything started off grand.  Mac had no problem in the stroller, I had on my running shoes, there was a light breeze at 7:50 on a sunny September Fresno morn (rare), and Caitlin was ready to rock in her sundress, side pony, and Hello Kitty flats.  That would be the last time things were grand.

 

One block in we were walking our scooter.  Two blocks in mid scooter stride Caitlin sneezed green ooze out of her nose and on to anything in it's path.  Thank God for wipes, and thanks to Caitlin for sneezing on me again mid wipe.  Gross.  I was sweating like a man by block three.  And block three is where I got tough. 

 

To prove my point that school is as far as the moon in Kindergarten measuring, I refused to let a whiny, tired, Caitlin ride in the double stroller.  I told her over and over that she wanted to ride her scooter to school, so she had to indeed ride said scooter the rest of the way.  And yes I get completely sarcastic with my kids.  I feel it will prepare them for the real world.

 

We did make it to school.  She did cry a bit at the exhaustion of walking/scooting a half mile.  But I just put on a big smile and said, go get a drink of water and have a nice day.  Off to class she went, and me, I took my tired ass back to the street to walk another half mile back to my couch.  Have I mentioned that I'm not athletic at all?  The only walking I do is in Target.  I'm still tired as I type this.

 

Exhaustion aside, I did feel a bit guilty.  Why was I so adamant about proving a point to a five year old?  Why was it so important that she visually learn that school is too far for her age?  Most likely because I argue and debate anything and everything with my five year old daily.  And when I remind her that it's not up for discussion, that it's not debatable, that it's because "I'm your mother and I make the rules", I feel like a little of myself just slipped away, and a little bit of my mom has just moved in.  Because it's true, I'm the parent, I make the rules, and damn, I have to be consistent about those rules.

 

So yes, I intentionally forced my child to ride her scooter to prove a point.  I also reminded her that maybe she should listen to mommy next time, and I even through in some "you're fine, get to class".  It was a rough morning but I'm glad I stuck to my guns, even if I think people who "prove points" are annoying.  I guess annoying is better than a daily debate that would put Obama and Romney to shame.

 

Life lessons are hard when you are a kindergartner.

 

They are pretty hard for mommy too.

 

      Today is a day of reflection. 9/11/01 Never forget. Always unite. I share some thoughts here.

Girls Night Out {Just Because}

  Because we don't see each other often enough.   Because we have kids and husbands and now school schedules to keep.
Because everything is better with cheesecake.   We had a GNO, which was long over due.   We laughed at our server.   We laughed at the overwhelming menu.   We laughed at our crazy lives, with it's soundtrack composed of crazy kids.   We laughed with each other.   But it wasn't enough time.   It never is.   Because we could have talked until dawn.   And not so long ago we did.   In the bottom bunk of our room in our sorority house.   All three of us in one bed.   Laughing and whispering and dreaming.   But now so often the days can run together.   The moments are fleeting.   And the years go by like a flash.   But somethings never change.   Like the love between friends.   Because time is no match for friendships like these.   That withstand every test.       

A love story {1974}

 

Nino and Linda
Circa 1974

   

Nino and Linda today.

 

 

Thirty Eight years ago today, these two got married.

Two people who had met at 16 and 15 respectively.

Who were friends, then lovers, then husband and wife.

Who, year after year, obstacle after hardship, blessing after blessing,

are still married.

 

I'm an adult now.

I'm married with two children.

I can finally understand and realize that thirty eight years is no simple feat.

Vows aren't made to be broken, but often times they are challenged.

Life can derail the simplest of joys.

Perfection isn't always the key.

I get it now.

What they did, and what they continue to do.

 

My parents have taught me how to love, and be loved.

That laughter is so important in life.

That compromise does not equal failure.

 

I'd like to share with you the day my parents got married.

Wedding pictures all taken by a point and click in 1974.

Because they didn't have a fancy church wedding like me.

No thousand dollar photographer.

No decorated reception hall.

They almost didn't have a cake.

I'd like to share what they did thirty eight years ago today.

A day where my mom walked down the aisle alone to meet my father, to begin their journey.

And she never had to walk alone again.

 

Mom says this is right after breakfast.
On her Wedding day.

 

Before the ceremony.
That's a Coors Original in my Dad's hand.
If you know him, you are grinning right now.

 

 

My mom and her maid of Honor, Sandy.
Sandy made her dress.
Mom's is JC Penny off the Rack...
Maternity.
Don't worry I wasn't born until 1978.
Whew.

 

The wedding party.
Yes, my dad and his best man are in jeans.
White Levis for Dad.
It was 1974.

 

This is my favorite picture of my parents.
They had a dinner after at this little restaurant with their family and friends.
The owner knew they weren't going to have a cake.
So he sent someone out to pick one up.
It was a total surprise for them.

 

This is classic Dad.
This pretty much sums up thirty eight years of marriage for them.
My mom always says
"Its hard to stay mad at someone who makes you laugh"

 

Smashing cake in each others faces.
With help from my moms sis on the right.
Nice move Aunt Marilyn!
 

 

It was so simple, yet so them.

The groom wore jeans.

The bride wore sandals.

A little restaurant would host their party.

They are my parents.

I am so blessed to have them.

And I'm so happy that they have each other.

 

 

Happy Anniversary Mom and Dad.

Thank you.

 

      PS:  I found a picture of my mom at the alter on her wedding day. It reminded me of something on my wedding day.

I think if John and I have even an ounce of what they've

had in thirty eight years, we will have been blessed.

XOXO

 

What I read this summer {Book Club}

  Ashley at Sugar Mama Bakeshop is hosting a book club. And you know I had to get in on that. Plus it's a link up. So, I can write a post about a book I read, and then link it up?.. Bliss. There was not a specific book at this time, so you can write about a book you've read recently. I've decided to write about four of my favorites from over the summer. Yes, four. Of my favorites, because there were more that I read. Yes, I have kids. Thank God they love playing outside with the Hubbs. While I sat in the air conditioned house, and read.   What I read this summer: (like a book report, and I'm loving it, because I'm such a nerd!)   I'm going to start with the most recent. I just finished it Sunday. Agnes and the Hitman. It's by one of my favorite authors Jennifer Cruise, with Bob Mayer.   Here is one of my favorite pages in the book.  

 

My kind of book.

 

It's got southern charm, hot special agents, aging mobsters,

spicy romance,

and lots and lots of butter.

It was funny, fast paced, and delicious.

If you like your heriones with a little dash of crazy,

this book is for you.

 

 

Tiger Eyes

Judy Blume

Judy Blume can really do no wrong.

This is a book I read years ago,

and found it again at a used bookstore.

It's an awesome YA novel, set in the late 70s early 80s,

about grief, being a teenager, and New Mexico.

It's a beautful book, that has been made into a movie.

Awesome YA.

 

Summer People

Elin Hilderbrand.

This is a book I bought at Costco for $5.99,

thinking that if it was just a disposable summer read, so be it.

It wasn't.

I was not prepared for the story it brought to life.

Another book about greif and loss,

but also about the wide net that greif casts,

catching everyone in it's path.

I loved it, and could not put it down.

Then totally missed all the characters when I did.

 

Deadlocked: A Sookie Stackhouse Mystery

You can tell from my posts that I love me some TrueBlood.

I also love the books.

I was unsure about this book, since the previous had been ho-hum.

After 12 books in a series the story can get diluted.

Too many characters, not enough story.

I was pleasently surprised.

This one delivered like no other.

And set up what I think is going to be a new journey for Miss Sookie.

If you are interested, please start at the beginning.

Or at least read the 4th book Dead to The World.

This series is lusty, lethal, and sometimes bites you back.

 

 

 

So what do you think?

Do any of these sound interesting?

Leave your own recommendations in the comments.

I'm ALWAYS looking for new books to read.

 

 

      Don't forget to link up your own reviews here.