A day with AbsoluteMommy

Today was a typical and not so typical Thursday for AbsoluteMommy.  First off, I got my hair done.  Like cut and color done.  In an actual salon!  While sipping a hot tea from Starbucks.  With not one child crying, screaming, or pulling on my leg.  For a couple of hours it was just me, my Starbucks and my iPhone... Bliss.  And with new hair to boot... 



My Grande Awake, 4 sugars... Still upset that they don't have the Joy tea yet!  Ever have a Joy tea?  It's delish, it's a blend of black tea, white tea, and green tea.  I love it... Still I'm a little confused that Gingerbread Lattes are a go, but not Joy tea...

My new hair do... With shorter "fringe" in the front.  More layers, that I immediately pinned back off my face when I started to do dishes... I fear this is the new do... Bangs pinned back!  Ah, Motherhood.

We tried a new hat... Not sure she likes it because she tore it off after this picture.

A treat after preschool is pretty standard these days.  Today there were less tears at drop off.  I think that calls for a cookie.  Don't you think?

A sisters only tea party... Which I thought was very sweet.  I don't have sisters (other than sorority) so I love that they are best friends in the making... On other news, this was broken up when Mac decided overturned all the tea cups.  At least it was water.

This is what my couch looks like on a typical day.  My floor too.  These were Mac's cheerios, but she prefers them poured out.  Caitlin let me know, "Mom, she did it again!".  Well at least it kept Mac busy while I made these...

Gluten Free, cranberry, white chocolate chip cookies.  I used a box mix and added some flair.  And they are pretty yummy.  Good thing there are 24 of these bad boys!  Nothing says Thanksgiving like cranberry goodness.

Pretty good day, if I say so.  Well, we did have a slight fever incident with Caitlin.  I guess 101 degrees can't stop Caitlin from a tea party or an impromptu fashion show.  Which she wouldn't let me photograph!

How about you?  How was your Thursday?

Happy Blogging,

Megan



Waking up...



courtesy of Pinterest

 Have you ever woke up from a dream with a big smile on your face?  Because the dream was that good.  The dream was something amazing and inspiring, or maybe a walk down memory lane.  I love that feeling, and wishing for just five more minutes to recapture some of it.

What about waking up from actual dreams?  Like dreams you had for yourself and your life.  Dreams about your career or your family.  Are you living those dreams you once had?

I read an interesting article the other day in Self magazine.  It was about letting go of lost dreams.  You can read that article here.  It caught my attention because it began with what the author thought she would be doing in her life.  She once dreamed of being a writer, in Paris, surrounded with other award winning writers, basking in the glory of another Pulitzer.  Her reality is that she is a writer, in magazines, for TV shows, and has yet to win any Pulitzers.  She also has a husband who isn't as fancy as a Parisian Clive Owen look a like.

I started thinking about my own abandoned dreams.  Am I really heartbroken about them?  Were they just that, silly dreams?  Or were they simply a road map?

For as long as I can remember, as far back as grade school that I wanted to be a fashion designer.  Do you remember Fashion Plates?  Oh, did I love me some Fashion Plates!  You could create so many looks with paper, crayons, and the interchangeable plates.  I spent hours creating the next big thing (which at the time were Working Girl-esq suits, it was the 80s).  I was so happy and just knew that someday my work would end up in Vogue or at least YM.

In high school I swore that I would one day live in a loft in New York city, with a couple of cats and my Fashion studio.  I would be designing for the rich and famous.   In my spare time I would moonlight as a editor at Vogue, and style my own photo shoots.  I'd be living in the most creative part of the world, just me my circle of friends that would include rock stars and writers and designers. 

I carried that dream with me for a while.  It changed a bit when I came to the hard realization that I could not draw or sketch to save my life.  So I couldn't be a fashion designer, so what?  I could be a stylist, or even better a fashion editor or writer.  I've always liked to write, and what would be better than to write about what I love?  So I set my sights on a writer, in the fashion industry, working for Vogue, living in New York City.  I wanted to be like Carrie Bradshaw on Sex and the City.  Fabulous friends, beautiful clothes, shoes to die for, and a quest for love.  Isn't that every girls dream?

I'm sure you have figured out that this is not what happened.  I worked in retail for a while.  I've never (yet) been to New York City.  I read Vogue, occasionally, but Parents magazine is more my speed these days.  I'm resetting my sights on being a writer.  I started this blog, I'm writing daily, and while I'm not famous or even published, it makes me so happy and content.

It's funny, I never dreamed of being a stay at home mom.  I laugh at the fact that I'm married, to a republican; I have two kids; I own a house; I'm very happy and on most days well adjusted.  All things that are very surprising to me.  If I were to tell my 18 year old self this, she would laugh in my face and kick my ass with her Doc Martens. 

Because my 18 year old self was going to live in a loft or possibly, a great apartment in the village.  She was going to be so punk and rock and roll, that kids were never going to be an option.  She was going to be on her own, an individual because most boys (at 18 remember) had no idea what to do with her...



courtesy of Pinterst



My 18 year old self thankfully grew up.  Its what happens to us and our dreams.  Looking back at my dreams makes me smile and laugh.  To remember the passion and energy of a dream.  Now I'm waking up from old dreams, with a big smile and a huge appreciation for what dreams I'm living.  We don't have to abandon any dreams, because we can always wake up to new ones.

Happy Blogging,

Megan

Insta-Saturday

Today the Crutchfields tried something new.  We went out on a limb, on the coldest day in Fresno so far this fall, and decided that today we should Family Tailgate.

If you know about our Bulldog tailgating then you know, my Hubby goes and secures a spot 6-7 hours prior to game time.  Many times he is there for a few hours, alone, with just him, the grill and some Bud Lights.  Not today, us girls joined.  It was fabulous.  The girls were great, even with freezing iceberg hands, and just nature and people watching as their entertainment.  John and I were both relieved and excited.  Looks like more Bulldog tailgates are in our future.  Caitlin has decided that tailgates are the place to be.  She was NOT ready to go home, and wanted to stay longer... Looks like Daddy has a new tailgate buddy... Like father like daughter!

John and his girls.  Tailgaters and Bulldog die hards in the making!

This weekend we also re-introduced the tiny baby tree... I will blog this story, in it's entirety, later.  However, I will leave you with this:  Caitlin begged for this tree 2 Christmases ago.  Begged for this "tiny baby tree".   She could not be bribed with any other tree.  She insisted on the "tiny baby tree from Target". 

She's not ready for her close-up, but her tree is all decked out!

Also one of the greatest things about football season, are those nights I stay home with the girls.  My mom comes over and it's girls night in!  Mom lets me get some time on the computer (like now) and TV (something non animated), and sometimes the time to bake.  Tonight I give you gluten free banana chocolate chip muffins.  They are an adaptation of a "regular" recipe made with love using Jules Gluten Free Flour... Surely a blog about those will follow, because I'm in love with them!  They are delish!  Delish, in a "lets have muffin babies" kind of way!

Yummy gluten free goodness!  Even my Mom said so!

These are the Saturdays that remind me why we work so hard at this life.  To cherish those moments that aren't about what we want, but what we have.  Moments that remind me that I'm doing something right just living in the moment... These moments.

She will never say no to chocolate chips.

Happy Blogging,

Megan

This post was inspired by InstaFriday at www.liferearranged.com

 

My biggest fear to date...

Today's edition of Heart Therapy... This is seriously refreshing.  You should check it out, and link up if you like.  This week is about fears and facing them... It's time my friends...

My first year of motherhood was filled with fear.  Is she eating enough?  Sleeping enough? Breathing?  Am I doing this right?  Am I doing this wrong?  Why can't I make her stop crying???


So many fears and worries.  The fears pushed me and beat me, and soon I was drowning.  Looking back, I realize those are fears all moms have that first year.  Were they valid?  Yes.  Crazy?  Sometimes.  However valid or crazy, I made it through that first year.  We made it.  My little Caitlin and I. 


Today my fears are different.  I still have simple fears and worries.  These have more to do with heath and safety.  To me they have become everyday worries.  Except for one...


My fear, and it's a big one, is that I made my daughter sad, melancholy, if I'm honest.  I'm afraid that all my fears and anxiety those first few months have worn off on her.  Those first few months where I was overwhelmed by the simplest tasks, the simplest fears, and on the edge of failure, have coaxed her into her own shadow of doubt.  Is it possible that she absorbed my sadness and isolation through osmosis?  Is it possible her everyday struggles with separation anxiety and shyness are related to mommy's "baby blues".  And when I say "baby blues" I mean, I should have been seeing a professional.  That's a different post over here.


With every tear and every plea to stay home from school, I'm racked with fear and now guilt.  With every declined invitation to play at the neighbors, I'm left wondering, "Did I do this?".  By living in a fog for those first few months, I'm afraid I made it impossible for Caitlin to really enjoy and embrace the simplest fears in life.  To go out on those limbs, and instead of falling, fly.


I will tell you that motherhood scared me, almost to death.  Every aspect of it.  I was so overwhelmed that some days I didn't leave the house.  I was so afraid of failure that I stuck to the tasks I knew were possible, like feeding and diapering a baby, like showering (on a good day).  I was also a prisoner to my own guilt.  I couldn't leave my baby.  She needed me, she wanted me.  I had to be there, that's what a good mother would do, right?  Well now I'm afraid that I've made her feel she can't be anywhere or do anything, without Mom.


This is my biggest fear to date.  That my sadness and despair has led her on a preschool path of the same.  Both my daughters have changed me, and I'm truly a better person and mother today.  I don't discount my fears, because they are real.  Like, sometimes I feel like my second daughter got the better mommy, because of the lesson the first one had to suffer through.


It's always hard to admit fear.  Facing them however is always refreshing.  Everyday I'm working on building happy well adjusted daughters.  Daughters that will look their own fears in the eye and conquer them.  Even if those fears are simply saying goodbye to Mom at preschool drop off.  Sometimes the simple fears are the hardest to face, but we WILL face them.


Happy Blogging,
Megan

Halloween Hangover: A re-cap



The troops are ready to retreat. We've emptied that bucket once already!



I have a Halloween Hangover.  Sadly it's not from too much pumpkin ale or pumpkin martinis (do they have those?).  I didn't OD on candy corn or fun size Snicker bars either.  I'm just hungover from too much Halloween!

I thought I was tired when my kids were infants.  I guess I had no idea.  I'm to the point that no amount of caffeine is going to work.  I feel like we've been celebrating since last Saturday, the 22nd to be exact.  When did Halloween turn into a month long event?  Oh yeah, when we started school!

Here's a look at our Halloween adventures for 2011.  Let me just say at any given time at any given party my daughter Caitlin was dressed as the following... Pocahontas (Princess Bday Party); Wonder Woman (Superhero Bday party, School dress up day, around the house); and Barbie Fairy Princess (Halloween Party/School Halloween Party/Trick or Treating).  Mac went as a mini witch, which sometimes channelled a screaming toddler (see above photo), and she was Ariel (Princess Bday Party) and Spider Girl (Superhero Bday Party).  Enjoy these semi decent photos of them when they are not crying, trying to get out of their costume, and having a relatively good time...

Barbie Fairy Princess no wings, add boots, and yes they are wedge heeled.  Like momma like daughter.

She is pointing to her candy bucket and wondering why I'm taking pictures and not giving her more candy!

School party and one of the few times we had smiles.  If you ask her about the party she will tell you "I cried"

The Hubbs and I also got into the Halloween spirit.  We were invited to a grown up party.  We went as Kourtney Kardashian and her baby daddy Scott, minus Mason.  No kiddos at this party.  Are we channeling our inner Kardashian or what???

Ready for the red carpet, or a great Halloween party.

This is my model face... Yeah it needs work!

So did this re-cap wear you down?  Are you ready for bed?  Nursing your own Halloween Hangover?  Well happy November 1st.  Just think only 23 days until Thanksgiving and 53 days until Christmas!!! 

Yeah I'm not thinking about it either!

Happy Blogging,

Megan