Expectations

Real house.
Real mess.
This my real life 90% of the time.
Ok, so it's 99.9%.
Whateves.

I posted that mess on Instagram last week.  It's a pretty good picture of my house on a regular day.  And yes, I was sitting on the couch, watching NickJr, and looking at Instagram, then Twitter, then Facebook, and then....

I had no desire or motivation to clean that house.  Why?  Why bother, when as I'm picking up the last of the stuffed friends, they will bring out ponies, or miniature squinkies.  Why, when they will just bring out more books or paper dolls?  Why bother?

Well, because the "good" mother inside me is telling me to get up off my ass and do something productive.  Since, getting two kids dressed, one off to preschool on time or close to it, and then making breakfast, lunch, soon to be dinner, and grocery shopping, is not something productive.  Having a clean house, and spotless floors is productive.  Having hung and folded laundry is productive.  But diaper changing, hair in pigtails, and clean faces isn't.

By who's standard?  Well, my inner "perfect" mother, but also most likely my neighbor.  Or that perfectly polished mom at preschool who looks runway ready at 7:45.  Do they really hold a standard?  Is there a standard?  Sure there is, because I would die, if you wanted to use my bathroom in my bedroom.  And it's actually clean right now, save for that pile of towels.

Bagels, cream cheese, sprinkles.
When you just want your kid to eat
something besides Oreos for breakfast.

So where do these expectations come from?  Leave it to Beaver was 50 plus years ago.  June Cleaver is dead, well the idea of her.  I grew up with Roseanne.  Now that's a model I can aspire too.  Meals from boxes, kids watching mind rotting TV, the couch covered with an afgan.  Then something happened, we cleaned up, someone invented Pinterest to make us feel more inferior, and our houses are supposed to look like a pottery barn catalog.

In case you are wondering, mine does not.  Even on a good day.

So how do we get over this?  How do we feel good about our homes, and our marriages, and our motherhoods?  How do we believe that we are the mothers we are supposed to be?

We check our out of date expectations at the door.

Our expectations of motherhood were created as young girls.  Our expectation of motherhood was sealed the day we got our first baby doll.  The one that's eyes closed when we laid them down.  The doll that came with the bottles that were already filled, and were emptied with the tip of a hand.  They had perfectly starched dresses, white turned down socks, and mary janes.  They were perfect babies, and we were perfect mommies.  And our expectation of perfection was confirmed.

So here we are, women, with our real babies.  And their eyes certainly do not close when we lay them down.  The milk in the bottles donesn't magically appear when you tip it right side up.  The starched clothes are now covered in baby puke or poop.  And we have instantly failed our expectations.  Now we are failures at motherhood.

However, our expectations were under perfect circumstances.  Anyone can be a perfect mom given perfect circumstances.  Real life isn't perfect.  It's messy and loud.  Didn't our baby dolls sleep through the night.  Didn't we decide we were going to marry prince charming.  See what I mean.  Take out those perfect circumstances and we have failed.  A sleepless, napless baby will not deliver our mothering happiness like we thought.  We don't all get to marry prince charming, no matter how fabulous our husbands are.  We don't get woodland creature friends or a french speaking candelabra to do our house work. 

So we are left feeling miserable and tired.  Because it's not what we thought it would be or what we thought we wanted.  It's messy and loud and regretably not perfect.

My fairy Godmother would die!
Cake mix cookies on a time crunch.
Preschoolers can't tell DIY from bakery anyway!

I feel we have to let those expectations go.  We have to set new expectations.  Expectations that are realistic and attainable.  Like a fruit or vegetable at every meal, even if it was frozen, and is served with a side of Mac and Cheese.  Like my five year old sleeping the first half of the night in her bed, and the second in ours.  To expect that happy kids, with a semi-put together mom, watching Nick Jr is better that a clean house on a random Tuesday.  Those kinds of expectations.  They require no prince charming, no perfectly plastic babies, or woodland creatures to pick up toys and sew pearls on my gown.  You get what I mean right?

And sometimes it requires us to "mourn" the mommy life we thought we were going to have, and start enjoying the mommy life we have now.  The one we are living.  With dirty hair instead of ball gowns, fast food dinners instead of gourmet, and kids that require more time outs than the Superbowl.


Because motherhood isn't about perfection.... It's about consistency and love.

Which requires no Fairy Godmother.  Just Starbucks and a good eyecream.

Don't miss The Foley Fam's

awesome giveaway to kick off

her One Year Bloggy Birthday!

It closes in 4 days!!

A few favorites {Tuesday10}

I really don't need a reason to join in the fun of Tueday 10 at Mom 2 Memphis and Ruby.  I mean, I love link ups, really any kind will do.  I love Lena, like in a totally stalkerish way and I'm not afraid to admit it.  So if I find a link up I just can't resist, I will rearrange my blogging schedule of posts to do it.

That's what happened today.  I have this post.  Just waiting.  A kind of confessional post.  Another "revelation" of motherhood.  But today's not the day.  Today is reserved for this fun link up.  Today is reserved for two of my favorite things.  Lena and Instagram!

My Favorite Instagram Pics

One

Daddy and the girls

Two

Mac attacking her first cone

Three

Caitlin in the sun

Four

Caitlin's first look at the sea

Five

My birthday wakeup call

Six

Mac after bath, diaper only

Seven

Family picnic, beautiful day

Eight

Happy cake faces

Nine

This is what 7 years of marriage looks like

Ten

Christmas spirit

The best part, I would have missed all these moments
if it wasn't for my phone.

All of the moments that make us smile or warm our heart,

would be so easily lost or forgotten.

I'm off to make more memories today.

What are you doing?

  

I hope you are linking up today!

Share your favorite Instagram moments!

Fight. Laugh. Love {A love story}

Recently my Hubbs has noticed that friends of ours have subway art or wall art in their homes that say "Live. Laugh. Love".  Every birthday party or dinner at a friends house he comments on them.  So, while at the BF baby's 2nd birthday, the Hubbs said, "look they have one too".  To which I said, yeah ok, so what.  The Hubbs said we needed one.  And I laughed and said, yeah, but ours wouldn't say that.  The BF said, yours would say, "Fight. Laugh. Love".  Then we all laughed, because it's the truth.

You know that scene in "Life as we Know it"?  Katherine Heigel is out to dinner with Hotty Hot Dr. and she's having a fight on the phone, with hotter than life Josh Dumel?  Well the doctor says, if him and his wife fought like that they would still be married?  That's my marriage.  We fight.  Sometimes playfully, sometimes not so playfully.  But we do fight.  I'm not afraid to admit it.  If you know me in real life it's nothing new.  What's new is we have learned to fight effectively.  We don't linger with hard feelings.  We have a "row", and let it go.  Ok, not always, and yes some things linger, but we always find our way back.  Finding our way back and being better for it.

Some call it passionate, some call it crazy, I call it love.  We really do love eachother.
That's where the laugh comes in.  I can't keep a straight face with this guy around.  He is the expert at the conversational joke.  In other words, you never know when the conversation is going to turn into a punchline.  He's silly, which he most likely would not like me to say, but he is.  He will do prat falls, physical comedy, just to make me laugh, or get me out of a funk.  He will deliberately walk by and say funny things as I'm trying to blog, which is annoying as all get out, but secretly I'd be worried if he didn't.

Last Monday was our 7th Anniversary.  How did we celebrate?  Like parents at Kindergarten orientation.  And there were jokes!  Lots of them.  How can you not make a joke about a YouTube video for kids called "Dr. Harry"?  Seriously?  Are you sure we should look up "Dr. Harry""?  We might not get the kids video if you know what I mean!  We giggled to ourselves.  A lot.  Until, Caitlin, who came with us said, "shh.  You are supposed to be listening!".  Yeah, we are those parents. 

Saturday, the Hubbs and I ran away from home.  Just for a few hours, but we were totally blank on what to do.  So we went to a restaurant bar, watched the end of the Giant's game, people watched, and laughed.  For almost 3 hours.  We talked too.  About the kids.  About home improvements.  About going next door to the surf shop and buying more Toms (we didn't).  And that's how we celebrated 7 years of marriage.  Simple.  Easy.  Laughing.

So this is how we love.  With punch lines, prat falls, and arguments about the garbage cans, or the dirty carpet.  The fighting that leads to laughs, that confirms the love.  It's hard not to love someone who can keep you on your toes.  Or keeps a smile on your face.  That can make you so mad your face turns red one minute, and is making you laugh uncontrollably the next.

It's been a long road for us.  I won't bore you with details.  I will only say that we knew early on, that we wanted eachother for the long haul.  But we were scared.  We weren't ready.  So we went back and forth, loving and hating.  It was a rollercoaster ride, and we both hate rollercoasters. 

It's been seven years of married life, in addition to the five we dated.  As much as we hate rollercoasters, neither one of us will get off this ride.

Fight. Laugh. Love.
It's what we know.  It's what we do.  With every twist and turn, we're enjoying the ride.

Don't forget to check out Mom 2 Memphis and Ruby's

Photography week!

Inspiration from some of your favorite Bloggers!

Catching Up {InstaFriday}

It has been a crazy two weeks friends.

Most of it has been spent on birthday parties,

cakes, presents, and fun in the sun.

Some of it has been spent going through emails

and reading awesome link ups that were posted

on Monday!

In all the craziness of crazy town,

I've missed sharing some great pics

of the girls having fun on Instagram.

Fresno finally decided to warm up.

And we were happy, until Fresno decided

to skip Spring all together and be in the 90s.

Let's just say we had fun breaking in Grandma's new pool.

I have to say the picture of Caitlin in the sunlight is my new fave.

Oh, and Fresno slowed down and mild temps are back.

Let's talk Mac's Birthday!

1: The Birthday Girl first thing in the A.M.

2: Mac pretty scared of the singing.  Not a tear shed though.

3: Mac enjoying some cake and ice cream.

4: Big Sister helping out Lil' Sis with the candles.

5: The cake I made on Mac's actual Bday (Thursday)

6: The Minnie Mouse cupcakes provided by Lockhart Dessert Catering.

I think Mac enjoyed her birthday mostly. 

Not to worry, a "hangover" birthday post is in the works.

This is just the Cliff's Notes.

Oh, and I'll be sharing the cake recipe too.

It's seriously the easiest cake,

and you probably have all it's ingredients in the pantry.

Finally the "lost photos" roundup.

All that's been missing from your life right?

Ok, maybe not so much, but enjoy anyway.

1: My morning wake-up call.

2: Mac's "Poochie" face.  As in, that stinks.

3: Mamma and Mac being silly for the camera.

4. Sisters chillin' in Papa's hammock.  Caitlin is singing the ABCs. 

No shirts are required on toddlers apparently.

5: Mac, eating chips, watching Disney Jr.  While Mom Instagrams.  Bliss.

6: Caitlin slept through the night in her own bed. 

It's still a challenge for this to be an everyday occurrence. 

But doesn't she look so sweet. 

And she was super proud mom was sharing this on "Facebook".

So that's it friends. 

I'll be back to my regularly scheduled blogging by next week.

Things have just been busy and a little uninspired.

I promise I've got lots in the works!!

Have a great weekend!

And don't forget to post those pics on Instagram!!

PS:

Are you Jennifer from Spoonful of Sunshine?

Well if you are congrats!

You won last week's InstaGiveaway!!

You have 48hrs to claim your prize!

And...

In case you missed it, the WIW: Wedding Link Up

is open until Saturday.

Thanks to everyone who linked up!!

You Have No Idea {Book Review}

Last month I signed up to review Vanessa Williams and Helen Williams joint venture, You Have No Idea.  It's a book they wrote together.  Most of it is from Vanessa's view, but like any good mother, Helen puts in her two cents where needed.  Let me tell you, this book had me wanting more.  Each chapter presented a new situation, and I just needed to know how it all ended.  Plus, BlogHer wants to send me FREE books to read and review?  Uh, Yes please, and thank you!

This is a paid review friends, but the opinions are mine. 

I hope that you enjoy this review, and it makes you want to read this book!

The book begins with Vanessa talking about her childhood, her parents, and life for her family in a mostly white suburb.  What I loved was that Vanessa and her school friends knew no color boundaries.  They were friends of similar interests.  I also loved that from the word go, Vanessa was on a path all her own.  Even admitting if Helen told her not to do something she did it.  She was a child that had spunk, but also had grace and beauty.  Which was a product of the kind of love and nurturing she got from Mom and Dad.

You Have No Idea, talks about her stint as the first Black Miss America.  I bet some of you young ins didn't even know she was Miss America.  Well she was, and she was a trail blazer!  In the book she discusses how in some parts of the south, she had extra security during parades and events where she was the honorary guest!  Seriously! 

Unfortunately, her rein as Miss America came to a very abrupt end, just 6 weeks before the new Miss America would be crowned.  She was dethroned by some racy pics that were published in Penthouse Magazine.  Now, today, every celebrity has some naked pics and sex tapes floating around the Internet.  Isn't that what has made Miss Kim Kardashian a household name, with a billion dollar empire to boot?  Well, back in the early 80s, (1984 to be exact) racy photos were not acceptable behavior of a young miss, who just happened to be America's newest sweetheart.  She details how she was able to handle that crisis, and bounce back.

I enjoyed reading her climb to stardom.  It didn't come quickly or easily.  Her Miss America scandal was always the monkey on her back.  I'm so used to just noting her roles as an actress, and I always forget that she has had a very successful recording career.  By reading the book I was equally impressed with her Broadway career.  

This book was also the perfect example of the mother/daughter dynamic.  Her relationship with her mother is very different from mine, but love is always a constant.  Helen loves Vanessa in her own way.  Sometimes I found that Helen may be a little harsh.  Just as I felt that Vanessa could have taken some of her mother's advice.  Listening to Vanessa's story from her point of view, and then to hear it from her mother was great.  As a Mom, who is still a daughter, I could totally relate. 

Oh, and you know Wilhelmina, from Ugly Betty?  Well, it's been said (in the book) that Willie was modeled after Helen!  The looks, the sharp tongue, the wit... All Helen!  Since I was and will always be a huge Ugly Betty fan, I loved that little factoid!

If you get a chance, this is a perfect summer read.  It's not just about some starlet living the good life.  This is a book about perseverance.  This is a book about a strong woman working her way to the top.  It's also a book about a working mother.  Sure it's Hollywood style, but she had her fair share of late nights and early mornings.  She also had moments where she had to decide between her kids and her career.  She had to make those tough choices that we are all faced with. 

I thought I knew all about Vanessa Williams, but I had no idea!

For more information on You Have No Idea or

to join in on the BlogHer discussions, click the link below.

http://www.blogher.com/bookclub/now-reading-you-have-no-idea