Intentional Living: Part One Year End

I ended 2019 in an actual fog of gratitude and grief. The year itself hadn't been all bad, and was poised to end on a high. I was happy and content. I had survived the transition into middle school with my tween. I had just about made it through the holidays. I was ready to have that Holly Jolly Christmas I hear about on the radio. 

Two days before Christmas my beloved grandmother had a massive stroke. Catastrophic is what her doctor called it, and within hours my family and extended family was navigating a huge loss. I did my best to keep it together for my children, who honestly were more concerned with Santa finding us if we traveled on Christmas Eve. It wasn't easy and I found myself constantly repeating "grandmas dying" in my head, as if I wasn't completely drowning in that thought already. 

Those days between Christmas and New Year's, the days that most of us hibernate, were spent reflecting on my year. I spent hours on social media reading articles to jump start the year. Not because I'm of the "new year, new me" mindset, but somewhere I was hoping to find some motivation. What did I want to do with my brand new year? Who did I want to become? Everything I read didn't feel right, didn't exactly fit well. Until I stumbled upon this article about ending the year intentionally. 

It's easy to be blinded on all the folks on social media with their "New Year New Me" diets and work out regimens. The multiple posts about being your best self, building your best self, finally taking chances. I wasn't ready to "bet on me" or "do the things that scare me". I really needed to reflect and find some clarity while I was so overwhelmed with grief. It helped me examine the last year with new eyes and find some good when I was feeling so bad. 

10 Questions to end 2019 Intentionally (These questions are totally paraphrased. Please visit the article for the real deal.)

What makes this year unforgettable?

Obviously the standout was my grandmother dying at the close of 2019. Just writing it in my notebook made it so real, but also opened me up. I was able to think about other things that made the past year unforgettable. I stayed married. You can laugh all you want but every year I stay married is a victory in my book. The Husband and I have had some hard years in the last part of the decade. Closing this year and decade married was a success in my view. My girls grew and thrived. They danced more, and enjoyed themselves so much. Caitlin completed elementary school and went on to middle school. There were so many changes and then when I think about it not that many. Our trip to Disneyland was pretty amazing too, so I'll add that. 

What did I enjoy doing this year?

Going gray. Honestly letting my hair grow in it's new natural color was liberating. I've been trying to cover my gray hair consistently since I was in my 20s. I was at the point that I needed to touch up my roots every three to four weeks, I just couldn't do it anymore. I gave myself six weeks to let it grow and decide if it was the right thing for me. I spent countless hours on Instagram looking at the SilverSisters hashtag. I'll admit, it was rough at first, people asked a lot of questions, it seemed shocking for someone my age (41 by the way) to not cover their roots. Finding the right mix of shampoos and conditioners helped. After years of using boxed dyes, my hair was so damaged, it was starting to fall out. The best part of the entire thing? I wasn't hiding anymore. I was constantly preoccupied with covering my roots. Every big event, every photo taken, I worried that my roots were showing. So I gave up, and set myself free. It has been the best thing I've done for myself in years. The added perk? I get compliments on it all the time. To the point that I've been asked for my colorist's number twice!

Who/What am I grateful for?

My health. My family. My friends. I am surrounded by amazing people. I'm so grateful for them.

Biggest Win this year?

I made it. Emotionally. Financially. It seems simple, but these are two of my biggest stressors. 

What did I read/watch/listen?

Read: Daisy Jones and the Six by Taylor Jenkins Reid. Summer of '69 by Elin Hilderbrand. One Day in December by Josie Silver. All excellent. Daisy Jones is written in a way that as a writer was inspiring. Summer of '69 was such a fun read and had some historical elements that I loved. Plus I'll read whatever Elin Hilderbrand writes, so... I read one day in December last January. It was the first book I read last year. It was everything you love about Holiday Rom-Coms. If you love Nancy Myers, you will love this book. 

Watch: The Handmaids Tale, which, as always, was thought provoking, infuriating, and completely engaging at the same time. Elisabeth Moss is everything. The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel is so well written and incredibly funny that I'm convinced that Amy Sherman Palladino is too good for us. Plus the ensemble cast cannot be beat! Side note: I binged watched the West Wing last year. I think I was the last person on Earth my age who had never seen it. I'm not going to lie, I loved it with my whole heart. I cried almost every episode, and it made me yearn for 90s politics, and I never thought I'd say or type that!

Listen: Lizzo and Bille. There were no others. 

What impact did these read/watch/listen selections have on you? 

What is fantastic about reading, watching, and listening, is that they essentially doing the same thing, telling a story. The books I read last year inspired me to write, but also inspired me to really listen and engage in the stories being told. The shows I watched were not just entertaining but thought provoking. The Handmaids Tale remains the scariest thing on television! Lizzo showered me and my daughters in girl power. I am constantly surrounding myself with pop culture, because it's always an inspiration. 

What did I worry about the most? How did it turn out?

Money. I'm constantly worried about money. Which is funny because my husband's long running household chore is being in charge of the bills. Still, every swipe, every withdraw for "dance" incidentals, makes me sweat. It always turns out fine, but it will always give me anxiety.

Biggest Regret?

Before December 23rd, my answer would have been completely different. I would have said not submitting any of my writing. I would have said not writing and blogging more. But now, as I start 2020 it's not spending enough time with my grandma. I regret not calling her more. I regret never getting her life story down on paper. There are many regrets at this time.

What is the 1 thing I changed about myself?

As I said before, my hair. It changed me emotionally as well as physically. It helped me embrace aging. The old commercial about "growing old gracefully"? Well they didn't mention that you'd have to be graceful emotionally as well. That's been harder than the physical part.

What surprised me the most?

That 2019 closed A DECADE. Ten years. I didn't even realize it until all those "Last 90 days" posts on social media. So many incredible, heartbreaking, mind numbing, brave, ugly, happy, sad things happened in the last 10 years. I changed as a person multiple times. I became a mom of two in the last decade. I went back to work, quit, and then went back again. I became a blogger and a writer. I grew into motherhood. I grew into my marriage. I stumbled and got back up again. So much life was lived in what did not seem like ten years. 

If I could go back to January 1st, 2019 what would I suggest to myself?

Call Grandma Now. Write every day, even when it hurts. Exercise in any way, walking is still moving. Take more pictures, your Instagram is looking sad girl! Be easy on yourself, it has never been about perfection. LOVE, LOVE, LOVE. 

After years of neglecting this space, I'm thankful if you found your way back and had a look around. I'm hoping to visit this space more often in the coming year. 

About the Blog {#threethingsthursday 5/5/16}

Welcome to #threethingsthursday a fantastic way to engage with other bloggers and readers in our blogging community.  We'd love for you to link up with us. All you need are three things to talk or write about. Any three pictures from Instagram. Three complaints about your day/week. Three of your favorite treats. Seriously. Any three things! 
So write it. Publish it. Yell it from the mountain tops! 

Just be sure you come back and link it up here!

For some extra fun follow us on Instagram for some three things posts! 

Use the #threethingsthursday, and let's start talking!

The Foley Fam

Coffee-n-Ink

Absolute Mommy

This week's #threethings is going to be all about this blog. In nine days I will be attending the Elevate Blog Conference. Let me tell you, this conference delivers. Every year I come home from Elevate motivated and in touch with my blogging goals. The networking opportunities are off the charts, and it's the chance to make life long friends. Trust me, the two gals I host #threethings with used to be my blogging besties, now they are just my besties. Elevate gave us the chance to meet in real life!

Since Elevate is just nine days away, I wanted to take a moment to introduce myself to my fellow attendees, and perhaps to some of you. This blog has changed in so many ways since 2011. I'm different, my voice is different, and I find that the time spent here has also changed. What hasn't changed is my passion to write, and my passion to write about life, love, and motherhood. I found these questions on Pinterest earlier today, and I felt they were a perfect way to say hello, nice to meet you. If you get the chance, check out the Elevate Blog Conference. Until then, here are #threethings I bet you didn't know about Absolute Mommy, the blog!

ONE/ WHY DID I START THIS BLOG?

I started my blog late one afternoon when my husband was late coming home from work. At the time I had a three year old and an 18 month old, and I was literally climbing the walls. I had been thinking about starting a blog for over a year, and had started out by starting the Absolute Mommy Facebook page. I would write status about being a mom, drowning in diapers and bullshit. I always kept it short and sweet, until I didn't. I really wanted to connect with other moms to let them know they were not alone. The entire first year of Caitlin's life I felt so alone and out of touch. I felt like every minor hiccup was a major failure, and I always wondered if it was just me. Was I the only one majorly sucking at this? Well, once I started writing, I found out that I was not alone. In fact there was an entire tribe of women out there waiting for someone to say what they were too afraid to. I was afraid too, don't get me wrong. Still, the more I wrote, the better I felt, and the more people I connected with. I started this blog to rediscover Megan, who seemed impossibly lost at the time.

TWO/ WHAT KEEPS ME BLOGGING?

My readers and friends. Strangers I see at Target. The Mom in the drop off line with one screaming baby on her hip, and one pissed off first grader. Every time I see a mother struggling with life, love, or their tiny humans, I want to reach out to them. I want to smile at them with grace in my heart and on my face. I keep blogging, even sporadically as of late, because I think it's important for everyone to find their peace. I keep writing and posting because more often than not, I'll get a comment that says, "I needed that today". Motherhood is impossibly hard. I say that not because I'm lazy or because I'm really terribly at it, I say it because it's the truth. Motherhood is happiness and sadness;guilt and joy. Motherhood fuels everything I do now. I can't make a decision without giving my status as a mother consideration. So I keep writing and posting because my story isn't unique. My story and stories on this blog have been universal, even if they have just been routine and status quo as far as motherhoood goes. Still, it continues to inspire me daily.

THREE/ WHAT DO I HOPE MY READERS WILL COME 

AWAY WITH AFTER A VISIT TO MY BLOG?

I hope that when someone visits this blog they walk away feeling better about themselves and how they mother. I hope that I have made them laugh and inspire them visit this blog again. It's always been a goal of mine to make moms feel like they are doing best job they can. I feel like there is not a "right" way to mother, there is only "your way". Motherhood is different for everyone. I want all mothers from all walks to feel welcome on my blog. I hated breastfeeding, my kids still sleep in my bed sometimes, I'm a yeller. My hope is that by being honest about these things, I can make another mom realize that she's not effing this thing up royally. Currently, I hope that my readers continue to visit my blog and that they never give up on me since my writing has dropped off dramatically this year. I'm still writing. I'm still inspired by motherhood. And I'm still trying to keep this blog alive.

Thanks for visiting our link up today. If you are visiting today in anticipation of Elevate, please take a chance to read my "best of", by clicking the Best Of tab above. My "best of" tab really is some of my best writing. If fiction is more your bag, check out my short story under the "Dinner Party" tab. It was fun to dive into some fiction for a change.

I'd love to hear your answers to some of these questions if you blog, and I hope you link up with us today!

An InLinkz Link-up

We. Are. Tired {first half week of school}

 It's Wednesday and the exhaustion has set in. The first week of school is always the hardest, but this year, this year is kicking some serious ass. We are happy, we are having fun, but we are very, very tired.

Today drop off was a breeze, but it was early release and before I knew it, I had to be back to pick up Mac for kinder pick up. Then forty five minutes later back for Caitlin's pick up. With the temps hitting over one hundred today, I was exhausted after shuffling and shuttling kids for the better part of an hour.

But with early release comes some fun. We spent the remainder of the afternoon with my grandparents who are the girls great grandparents. This is one of my life's greatest gifts. To see the joy on my grandparents faces when my girls come over and bring all their noise and chaos. My grandma who will always and forever have a two gallon bucket of ice cream in her fridge year round; offers it as if it's the perfect snack day or night. My grandpa who asks ridiculous questions like if there are bears at school, or if their teachers bark like dogs, can always make the girls laugh. Mackenzie took a nap there. Caitlin did her homework. I talked to my grandpa about baseball. All in all, the best way to spend an afternoon.

By dinnertime, I was in no mood or shape to cook. Did I mention I went for a run at 5:30 this morning. Usually I wouldn't "brag" or "toot" my exercise horn, but my neighbor and I wanted to get a jump on the day, and did we ever! However, waking up that early requires rest that I didn't get last night because, Buzz Feed videos. So by dinner, I was wiped out. Chicken nuggets, Mac and Cheese, leftovers from Monday. Whatever they wanted really. Then I sat. I regrouped. Before I knew it, it was bedtime.

It's Wednesday and the exhaustion has set in. We are so very tired and we still have two days to go. We can do it. We are the little engines that could and can and will always keep going. But really, I just want to sleep in.

And also, I really miss summer. Back to school recaps to follow when I can string together coherent thoughts again.

Changing Faces {The thing about quitting}

I read an online article the other day about quitting the blog life. I read it because the thought has crossed my mind a few times. Presented as a series, part one was about a blogger who quit blogging after eight years and more importantly to me, a book deal. She had some really valid points. She stated that it's nearly impossible to churn out engaging content day after day, and blogging starts to take over your life. You begin to ignore other parts of your life to make sure your content is up, publishable and relevant. This becomes harder if you have a full time job. For many of us, blogging is a hobby and a way of life. I will hit five years in January and what started out as a hobby has morphed into a routine and a burden at the worst of times, and a joy and a blessing at the best. Some days it's hard to tell the difference but I still love blogging. Even on the days when my traffic is damn near non existent, I still love to write and hit that publish button. 

But the idea of quitting has given me pause. The last year of blogging has been tough. I went back to work full time just about a year ago, and from that time on, my content and my consistency faltered. It is almost impossible to work full time, be a mom, a wife, and a blogger in my opinion. I like to read. I like to look at Instagram and Facebook. I like to watch television. Add those into the mix of dinner, laundry, making lunches, and homework, and it's a recipe for disaster. Since blogging has always been and still is very much a hobby, it was the first to fall off the to-do list. Pushing myself to the computer, cutting deals with myself to put up interesting content, made blogging seem more like a chore than a hobby I used to love. But I pushed through, because when I went more than four days without writing, my heart hurt. 

 

It was then that I realized that I just needed to write what I wanted. That shouldn't be a shocking realization if you are a writer, but if you are a blogger it feels like suicide. Blogging, a lot of the time feels like "Keeping up with the Jonses", where writing for me never has. Blogging, for the most part,  is about engaging content, sponsors, paid campaigns, and product reviews. Sadly, this blog isn't that kind of blog anymore, and truthfully it never was. In the beginning I was very interested in how this blog could make me a millionaire. I'm not kidding. I wanted to get big sponsorships, I wanted all the "big bloggers" in my sidebar. I wanted to be "discovered" and have my book written and on the shelves at Target by the years end. I had big dreams for this little blog, I really did. In the end, I realized that it was going to take a lot of time and a lot of hard work to get there. I was willing to do it, but as I dived into the world of paid sponsorships and affiliated campaigns, I realized that I was losing my voice. The voice that drove the traffic. I realized that my readers didn't stop by Absolute Mommy for the group giveaways or the review on carpet cleaner. They stopped here to hear about motherhood, messy kitchens, unfolded laundry, and fights with my toddler. I also realized that it was going to be impossible to keep up with it all and still think of and produce interesting content that sounded like me. 

I know many bloggers who work endlessly to put up interesting and engaging content every day. They are mothers and wives and friends, and they do one hell of a job. I envy them. I commend them. I wish I had an ounce of their drive an determination. They work hard and it shows in their traffic and their sponsorships. One blogger I know has told me that she has stayed up well past four in the morning to make sure her "group giveaway" or "sponsored" content was up by morning. She has three children, and I was like how in the world? I even told her so, I told her that she was a rockstar, because she is. She has the drive. She has the determination. She has the sponsorships, the free merch, and the traffic to show for it. I'll be honest, on most days I do not have that kind of drive for most things in my life, let alone blogging. It was this discovery that I realized that I'm really not cut out to be a blogger, not in the traditional sense. I'm so thankful for those friends that have successful blogs, with new content daily, and new products and sponsors to share. I read those blogs, I engage with those blogs. They have also allowed me to ask them questions about traffic and SEO and sponsorships. They have offered me valuable advice and invaluable support. 

With every year that I blog, I find myself changing faces. Recently I printed the majority of my content from the first two years of blogging. Please for the love of all things holy, do not go back in my archives. It's a bit scary. My writing is horrid, my voice, choppy, but there was real promise there. By my third year, my content was so much better, my voice so much clearer, and if I look at my traffic, it showed. I'm sad because I hit some momentum that I feel would have gotten me somewhere as far as traffic goes, but everything happens for a reason. Lately the reason seems that while my voice hasn't changed, how I blog is about to change. Blogging for me will remain a hobby for now, which will help cultivate my writing. I'm beginning to gain confidence in my writing, branching out and trying fiction. I will still write about what it's like to be a mother, the kind of mother who would rather (insert other activity here), but I will also branch out a little and write some fiction. I'm not ready to quit. Quitting seems like the easy way out. If I took away the ability to hit publish, I would never be motivated to write. 

I know a few bloggers who have stepped away, and I've been wanting to reach out to them and ask they why. They were very successful and popular bloggers when I was starting out. I still see them on Instagram or Facebook, and they still lead lives that are blogable. Still, I wonder, what was it about this blog life that made them walk away, what was it that made them hit pause. Like with most things in my life, when I realized that I didn't have to be perfect, I finally realized I could be good (John Steinbeck said it better, I'm paraphrasing). When I finally realized that my voice is what drove my traffic, I started to use it again. 

Today, my traffic is shitty. I haven't posted new content in over a week. Instead I've been ghost writing, and getting paid, which is amazing and wonderful. Hopefully a start to more paid commissions. I've been going over old posts from this blog to see if I have enough to compile into a book, even if I'm the only one who buys a copy. I've been cleaning out closets, packing up old clothes to giveaway, and taking my girls to get french fries at McDonald's. Because sometimes those things are way more important that sitting here. 

And then I remember that I'm still a writer at heart. I'm still a blogger in my bones. I'm still going to write and hit publish, because even when the faces change, my heart doesn't have to.

When you find your tribe {Elevate 2015}

A little over three years ago I started this blog. In the beginning my corner of the Internet was a quiet place. I wouldn't say it was lonely, but little more than four people read my blog. One of them was my mother. But I kept chugging along, writing my heart out, telling truths about my life and motherhood. It wasn't until I googled "cake pops", that I found "life style blogs", I had no idea they existed. I found a favorite and followed it religiously, and wouldn't you know it I found other blogs. I started participating in link ups and ad swaps. When this little bloggy that could hit it's first birthday I had made some friends. Internet friends. Blog friends. Friends that I connected with online and via email. And everyone in my real life thought that was so weird.

I would have never guessed that those "Internet" friends would one day become real life friends. Friends that I would email, text, and call. Friends that I would one day hug, hold their babies, meet their husbands. Friends, that would understand a part of me that many never would. Why is this spot of the Internet so important to me? Why would I cry buckets over losing the HTML for a guest post? What is the big deal that my original Instagram account was deleted? Why would I cry over such things? Laugh if you will, but my blog friends understood.

Every year I come home from Elevate with a renewed spirit. I'm exactly what the conference promotes, Elevated. I get inspired, not just by the speakers, but by the women who participate. The women who move mountains, farm out child care, save every single penny that they have to their name to make their trek to beautiful Southern California. Those are the women who fill up my cup, with their talk of endless nights mothering, writing, working, making. They craft, they worship, they lead, they inspire. They are the reason I will return to Elevate again and again. I will move my own mountains, bring my children with me, and scrape up every single penny. Because these women are my people. They are my tribe.

These are the women who start small business that turn into big businesses. They are women who write down the ugly, who promote their platforms with integrity, who love life even among the chaos of everyday. These are the women, who like me, worry that they are doing it wrong, and work tirelessly to make sure there is food on the table and roofs over all the heads. The women of my tribe understand that sometimes our dreams get put on the back burner, that our goals sometimes feel so out of reach, that some days are just a wash. But they are also the same women who will not give up, they will not let go, they will do whatever it takes to make their dreams come true. They will one day call me, text me, or email me to say, "I did it", and I will finally say, "I always knew you would".

Without my tribe the blogging world would never feel as safe as it does. It would be a boring and lonely place. Without my tribe I wouldn't push myself to the limit, I wouldn't expose so much of me, I most likely would have quit a long time ago. Because contrary to what people think, blogging life is not easy, it's not glamorous, it's not a get rich quick scheme. Blogging is a bear. It will chew you up and spit you out if you let it. So we gather together, online or in real life, and commit to not letting this blogging life get the best of us and our spirits.

Elevate 2015 was a beautiful experience. I met a new group of blogger and makers. I met small business owners and big business owners. I met women who are changing the face of women owned media and women owned businesses. Their stories were inspiring, but it is there life that makes them real life leaders. The grass always appears greener, but great successes take hard work and sometimes great hardships. Nothing is perfect, even if your Instagram account says otherwise. Elevate is always a place that the tribe can gather and be themselves. A place to be honest and open about what really matters in our lives. Every year I'm blown away by the experiences that got us all in that one room in New Port with that beautiful view.

This was Elevate's fourth year, and my third. The women who coordinate Elevate are beautiful inside and out. They work tirelessly for a year to make the day fantastic. They pick the right mix of speakers and vendors to put our hearts in the right place. Summer and Jen lead this tribe every year and inspire us to be our best selves. I can't thank them enough, because they want every single attendee to succeed. They want every single participant at Elevate to dream bigger, work harder, and be their best self.

There are so many conferences that I could attend every year, and every year I debate if I want to save my pennies for another experience. I think about me, and how I could self promote, take those classes and sessions on how to grow my blog, increase my content, maybe even publish a book. But then I remember how I feel when I leave Elevate. Elevate is so much more than a place to be educated about content and followers and self promotion. Elevate is a place where you find a better sense of self, not just as a blogger but also as a human. Sure I could learn a million ways to self promote, but would I walk away feeling like a a better person? Would I be as inspired to do better? Would I feel like my vision was more in line, that I had a handle on my dreams, that I would push my self to take the leap faith needed to accomplish said dreams? Probably not, because Elevate is still a small enough conference that you really could hug every person in the room. And I love that.

There is something special in the connections that you make with people you see on your screen. You see them everyday, you see their family vacations, you know when they are sick, you know when they are hurting. You share your successes, new homes, new jobs, new babies, new hair cuts, and come fall their Starbucks red cups. You get to hug those people who inspire you and who you have helped inspire. You get to hug those women who needed it that day in September when they hated their season in life, when they had to do the hard things, when they wanted just a little bit more out of that day. You get to embrace them for who they are, and they embrace you back with the same intensity. Because they are your tribe.

I am so incredibly lucky to call these women my friends, my tribe. This year I had a quick dinner with Renee and Kristine on Friday night, my girls joined us. It was heaven, and we decided that we could do this every Friday night for the rest of our lives. Without Nay and Kristine I wouldn't have made it this long. I would have quit blogging a long time ago. It's their support, sometimes daily, that keeps me going. It keeps me inspired and motivated. It makes my scary posts less scary, and it allows me to be comfortable when I ugly write out my heart. Their hugs validate that sharing my life in this space is exactly the right thing for me. Even when I give too much information and make my Husband blush. These women, my tribe, they have my back.

Every year, when I come home from Elevate, I know I'm doing exactly what I supposed to be doing. Elevate confirms that I'm exactly where I should be, with my tribe.

The noise {no-reply commenters}

There has to be something poetic if not ironic about receiving a very negative comment on the same day your blog is having it's fourth anniversary. I mean four years ago, any comment would have made me swoon. But last Wednesday? Not so much. Negative comments can sting, they can piss you off, but more than that, they can really make you think.

I've never claimed to be an expert on anything, well, maybe Grey's Anatomy. But I sure as heck have never considered myself an expert on motherhood, stay at home or otherwise. Still, I can understand that sometimes I can come across as a know it all. This is also a problem in real life too, so when I wrote my Working Mom post last week, I was kind of nervous at how working moms would receive it. It wasn't that I was pitting one group of mothers against the other, I was just saying, Hey you warrior mamas, I get it now. I get that I was once a whiny cry baby about things that were kind of stupid, and it took becoming a working mom myself to realize how hard motherhood in general is, no matter what side of the grass you stand on...

But not everyone read it that way.

Here is the thing about last week's negative comment. It had an air of truth. I am a constant complainer. The Hubbs would tell you that I am constantly and consistently a "half empty" person. I fall into shame spirals daily. I am hard on myself. I constantly want to be perfect, even though I will preach day in and day out on this blog that perfection is stupid. Perfection is stupid, but that doesn't mean it still doesn't bug me and jeer me from the sideline. And so I complain when things are less than perfect.

I'm also lazy. I'll admit that too. And spoiled. I am an only child, so for the better half of my life the world really did revolve around me. If you knew my parents in real life you would totally understand.  I don't put my dishes in the sink. I never make my bed. I will procrastinate and check Instagram one million and three times before changing the laundry, doing the dishes, or starting dinner. And if one of my favorite shows is on, forget it. You will find me binge watching whatever marathon is on. That is just who I am.

So when I read some negativity last week about me as a person, I took pause. Then I got pissed, because there was some truth to it, but then I got really mad because I couldn't respond to the commenter. There was no way to start a conversation...

She's a no reply commenter.

Ugh.

And no, I don't want to reply just to rip her to shreds. I want to reply so that we can share more of our stories. She says that I should grow up, like her and her ten hour a day job, with two toddlers, that she made a conscious decision to have. That I should stop being a constant complainer, which is a major reason she quit reading my blog. And it's great that she has her own opinion of me, but what about my opinion of her? Can I really form one? Maybe that ten hour a day job is one that she loves, one that she put herself through school to do. Maybe she does it well, and maybe, since she's always worked her babies no longer cry for her on a constant basis. Maybe she feels zero guilt. Maybe she is living her dream, and stupid mommy bloggers like me shit all over her ideals and goals. Maybe she is a hero for us all, with clean baseboards, homemade baby food in the fridge, and kids who sleep in their own beds and through the night. Maybe this is what makes her happy.

Because if she is happy, then that is fantastic. I'm happy for her.

My story on the other hand is very different. Even though I live my life on this blog, maybe I haven't always been honest about how I got here. For this no reply comment to imply that I'm not an adult who didn't make a conscious decision to have children really ticks me off. I'll be thirty seven this year, and while I may be a thirty seven year old complainer, I did make a very conscious decision to have children. I also made the equally conscious decision to stay home with them. That has been the plan from the very beginning. But when we could not financially support that anymore, I made the conscious decision to go back to work so we could stay in our house and keep Mackenzie in school. Me working outside the home was not my dream, not right now anyway, and I get to be devastated and sad about that. I get to be disappointed that I'm not longer the room mother. I get to be disappointed that I've missed a majority of Mackenzie's years just before she starts school full time. I get to be sad about those things. No matter what some no-reply commenter has to say about it.

I also take offense to the fact that because I complain about things on my blog it must mean that I complain about them all the time at home. Sure, I do complain at home, but this blog is my release. It's where I come for therapy. It's where I write all the ugly down, and then let it go when I hit publish. To imply that I'm setting a horrible example for my girls is just plain bullshit. I'm setting one hell of an example for my girls. My girls will always know that they have a choice and a voice. They will always know that they can express their emotions, even if they may not be favorable, let's say for example, if they are complaining. My daughters will always know that Mommy has multiple endeavors at any given time that include, motherhood, writing, working, or career. My daughters will always know that I love them and that this choice is temporary. That one day, Mommy won't be in this season. They will know that love is unconditional, and that life is hard and sometimes a little foggy.

All of that is okay. Because life is okay. And my life will always be different from yours fellow reader and/or no-reply commenter. Because we want different things, like different things, and believe different things. And all of that is just fine. In fact, my daughters will be better for it.

The most important lesson though is that my daughters will always know that they can use their voice. Just like I'm using mine, and always sign their name to it. You see, for every no-reply commenter, there is a person, behind a screen, silencing her own voice. Silencing her very own opinion. That is not the lesson I'm teaching. I'm teaching my daughters to use their voice, put their stamp on it, sign their name to it. I'm teaching them not to hide. I'm teaching them to shout from the mountain tops. Even if their opinion is unfavorable. Even if it sounds like they are complaining.

Receiving a negative comment was a bummer. In the four years I've been blogging, I can count the negative comments on my hand. That can't be a bad thing. Because for every negative comment, I receive four more. Four good, thoughtful comments, oftentimes thanking me for using my voice. For writing down the things that others are too afraid to say. Thanking me for talking about the hard stuff, even on the days it sound like complaining. Yes, that's right, sometimes I'm thanked for all the complaining that I do...

Who am I to complain about that?

With Resolve {2015}

source / pinterest

I spent New Year's Day in pants without buttons. Most of it spent in the sweats that I slept in, with yesterdays make up on, and my hair piled on my head. It was glorious. I was lucky that I didn't have to work on New Year's Day. I was able to sleep in and lounge around, and not worry about schedules or meal times or pants that button. Spending time with my family was the best way to end the year and begin the year, I was lucky enough to do both.

I've spent last few days reflecting on the last year. It was a hard one. Full of obstacles and missteps. It was my first year as a working mom, after all these years of motherhood, and it wasn't easy. In fact it was harder than I anticipated. I thought I knew all about hard work, I realize now I had no idea. Twenty fourteen was a year filled with guilt and self loathing, depression that I will admit lead to some dark days. I also squandered some days, lost in haze of feeling sorry for myself, as if I was the only person in the world that was a working mother. I'm embarrassed to admit that, but it's very true.

When I looked back on my year I realized that I didn't do all the things that I had planned, but really who every does? I still haven't been able to make my way through Pride and Prejudice. I never did learn to knit. I never reestablished my workout routine and I rarely washed my face before bedtime. Whoops. But were those the actual important things on my to-do list for twenty fourteen? Not really. They were just the extras.

If I squint I can really see the good things that came out of twenty fourteen. My girls were healthy and happy. We went to Downtown Disney after a great weekend at Elevate. I went to Elevate and met some amazing women and reconnected with bloggy friends that I love deeply. I read book after wonderful book, losing myself in their worlds. I worked, really hard and wouldn't you know it, I got promoted. Some of those things were planned and some of those things were not. But all of them were welcomed and tell a story much different from the one I was telling in my head.

I think that is what we do. We tell one story, when really another is playing out before us. I have many regrets from this year. Most of them have to do with my own attitude, my own reluctance to move forward and embrace the life I had, instead of worry about the one I "wanted". I spent so much time in a funk over the summer, that one day I woke up and the first day of school was just days away. It was no fault of my own, but it was also a valuable lesson.

Twenty fifteen is here, and though I wasn't ready, it came anyway. I realize now that this year is only as good as I make it. I can't expect to have a spectacular and successful year if I'm not going to do anything about it. I can't sit in a chair, lost in a sea of my own worries and expect to make twenty fifteen a great year. I have to act, I have to choose, I have to get out of the chair and live.

It's with resolve that I will do that. With resolve I will get out of my chair. With resolve I will write, even if it's just a few lines a day on the back of a napkin. With resolve I will embrace all the missteps and chaotic mornings, the tears, the torn tights, and the chicken nugget dinners. It's with resolve that I will let go of all the bullshit, and only allow in all the good shit. Because twenty fifteen will be about resolve. Resolve is about finding solutions, it's about deciding on a course of action, it's about a firm determination to do something. Resolve seems like just the thing to guide me through twenty fifteen.

Every year I set lofty goals. Like I want to write a book, I want to lose ten pounds, I want to wash my face before bed. And every year, about February, I start to feel bad about myself. This year my only goal is to have resolve. To resolve to choose joy, to choose hope, to choose love, to choose grace. To resolve to meet every obstacle face to face and find a way to go through it or around it or over it. To resolve to live a happier life, the one that is happening around me, to ignore the "should be"s and just be. So that next year I'll look back and know, I did everything I could to make it count, with resolve.

Making the most of enough {Halloween Recap}

In my mind it's still the middle of October. In my mind I still have a few weeks to make things like pumpkin bread and sugar cookie cutouts of bats and witches, in my mind there is still time to carve pumpkins. The reality is that next week is Veteran's Day. Then two weeks after that is Thanksgiving. And I have a feeling that I'm going to blink and it's going to be Christmas. So today, I'm going to tell you the story of how I made it work this October. How I had to pick and choose battles and activities, and admit to myself and the rest of the world that I just couldn't do it all. And there is nothing wrong with not doing it all. All is over rated. All is busy work. All sometimes sucks the fun out of enough.

With little time for anything, we spent the last weekend of October in Salinas with family. The trip was planned around our family pictures, but it was also a chance for us to get away. Finally a weekend that Mommy didn't have to work. Finally a chance to do something together that wasn't haircuts or grocery shopping. The flip side to that was, that in order for Mommy to get that time off, some sacrifices had to be made. There would be no Girl Scout Halloween Activity attended on Saturday. Mommy would have to work the Monday of the Preschool pumpkin patch trip. Instead we took a detour on the way home and stopped at the Pumpkin Junction at Casa de Fruta. I've lived in California my whole life, I've passed Casa de Fruta countless times on my way from my old home in Salinas to my new home in Fresno, and the only time I've stopped at Casa de Fruta was to get gas or go pee. That's the honest to God truth. It's also a sad truth because this place was fun. Maybe it didn't have a thousand pumpkins or hayrides or fancy Pinterest worthy gourds. But it had a place to sit, a place to play, and some pumpkins available for purchase. It was more than enough, it was plenty. 

So no, we didn't have our Halloween shirts on, or fall colors, or even our hair combed for the day. What we had were smiles. We had sugar coursing through our veins. And we had the excitement and curiosity of exploring a new place. 

We didn't have a multitude of choices, but really pumpkins are pumpkins. Mac wanted a big one, Caitlin wanted a big one and a little one, and mommy just wanted ones that weren't rotten. We found what we were looking for. Then we found more in the fruit stand. Pomegranate juice. Gatorade. Dried cranberries. Chocolate peanut butter cups as big as cupcakes. We bought a few things, snacked on a few things, and then decided to stop and have dinner. 

The stop and have dinner thing was kind of a big deal. Not because we like to starve, but after we spend the night in Salinas, we are usually in a big rush to get home. To pretend to unpack, to pretend to care about things like laundry and getting the kids to bed on time. Also, as we sat down to dinner, the World Series game had just started. The entire plan was to be home by the game. Instead we sat, we ate, we laughed, and we drew pictures on place mats and ordered things like pizza and fried chicken in a little roadside restaurant. And while it wasn't fancy, and the food was so so, it was enough. It was perfect.

After our trip to Salinas, the upcoming week was a blur. More than that it was a disaster. A chaotic mess of obligations and responsibilities. Until Thursday. Thursday was my day off. I got to take this little Missy to her Halloween party and I absolutely swooned at the cuteness of her as princess Belle. She is getting to be so grown up, and with that she has developed a sense of detail. Like the shoes and the nylons, and the we have to wear it headband that she didn't really like, but it was a must. And no I didn't make it, and I bought it well before Halloween, and yet, it was enough. Enough to see this smile. Enough to marvel at the little things that she loves.

And even in all that chaos, and even in all that mess, I still managed to pull this costume out of my ass. This is the cotton candy costume that this girl though up all by herself. It doesn't look a think like the one I saw on Pinterest, thank God, but it wasn't that easy to put together. See, when she asked if she could be cotton candy, I did my research. I went on line and looked and did the whole "Can I make it/Should I buy it" debate. But this is Caitlin, my first born. The one I always try to do my very best for, and usually fail miserably in the process. And by being the first born, she remembers that Mommy has in the past "made" her costume. No matter what she wanted to be, Mommy has always come through. But that was before Mommy got herself a job. But I knew I could do this one. Leotard, tights, polyester stuffing painted pink. Easy, right? Wrong. 

First I waited until the last possible second to make this costume. Of course I did, and found myself at Walmart the Wednesday before Halloween frantically trying to find pink spray paint. They had neon pink, they had red, they even had magenta. But no baby, bubble gum, cotton candy pink. Enter one quick Pinterest search for DIY Spray Paint. One part water, two parts acrylic paint, one spray bottle. Genius. And for some stupid reason I did not buy the poly fluff that night. I thought I had some, and wait for it... I didn't, so late Thursday I made the mistake to end all mistakes and went to Joanne's. Sure they had the fluff, but I also had to wait in line for twenty minutes behind all the other procrastinators and horrible mothers who just can't get their shit together to buy the fluff. I bought the fluff, I made the DIY spray paint, and some how, by the grace of Lawd Jesus himself, baby girl was Cotton Candy. 

I would love to tell you that Halloween was perfect. I'd love to tell you that Trick or Treating was amazing. It was, and it wasn't. It was the first cold night of the year, and about thirty minutes after we got home it rained. It rained all night and all the next day, and we didn't complain because we need the rain. I can tell you that Mac quit after the seventh house. Caitlin wanted to keep going after the twentieth. I can tell you that we didn't carve a single pumpkin or paint on it, but I can tell you that the girls drew on them with markers and pins. I can also tell you that my Mom, Saint Linda, has a Sister, Saint Jenny, who held a Halloween party at her daycare and gave the girls foam sticker faces for their pumpkins. So we have two pumpkin cats still sitting on our porch, and if I'm being honest they will stay there until well after Thanksgiving. I didn't dress up, unless you count a skull scarf and an orange Giants sweatshirt. But it was enough. Hell it was plenty. We have enough Crunch bars to get us to New Years. We have great memories of driving home from our Pumpkin Junction adventure and laughing about Daddy singing to Kids Bop. And I will have the reminder that life is rarely perfect. It rarely fits in that plan you made all those years ago when having kids was a fun idea. I'll save this Halloween for the ones to come, the ones when my kids stop dressing up and would rather hang out at the mall than go to any kind of Junction with their parents. I'll hold on to this Halloween as the one that taught me that enough is what you have: not what you plan, not what you want, not what you missed, but what you have. And I have a lot. 

This is the real me {coffee date}

There are days when I wish we really could sit down and have a cup of coffee together. Days where I could send you a last second text to say, "Hey my house is a disaster, but nothing that will kill you, so how about a cup of something. Anything you want, as long as we can sit and talk". Wouldn't that be so much fun? But fun isn't the only reason. I'd love for many of you to see me in real life to show you that this is me. One hundred percent me. I don't sit at the keyboard every day or every other day to write about another person's life. I sit here and write about my life. The one that I have grown into. The one that has changed me in so many good ways. I sit here and write about this life, the good, the bad, and the sometimes terribly ugly truths that pop up. 

Two minute dinners sponsored by Nitrates and Microwaves

A few weeks ago, I was challenged on this blog's authenticity. I was talking to a real life friend who told me that she finds it hard to read this blog, because "Absolute Mommy" isn't the Megan she knows. She confessed that she doesn't know the "Megan" who writes this blog. She feels that they are not the same person, or the same voice. This shocked me and hurt me in a really deep way. When I sat out to write this blog almost four years ago, my one and only rule was that I always be honest. That I always tell the truth about motherhood. In four years I've learned so many things about myself by living and breathing those truths. But for a few days I replayed that conversation. Am I the person I claim to be on this blog? Am I wholly authentic to my voice and my readers? Am I the person I claim to be?

Last nights make up is just a myth with the right Instagram filter

It took a few days. I looked at what I put out on Facebook and Instagram. I looked at my blog content. What posts were most popular? What did people respond to? For starters they liked my posts about microwaved dinners and wearing last nights make up to pick up breakfast at McDonald's. Readers have responded to posts about Poise pads and Brazilian waxing. People have responded to fights with my daughter, struggles with my temper, and my admittance that I may not be the best mother that ever lived. All things that I have wholeheartedly written with nothing but honesty and fear. Was I nervous to post about my Brazilian wax experience? Hell yes! Have I lingered over the publish button on posts about fighting with Caitlin? Absolutely. But that is my fear. Fear that I'm being too honest. That I'm sharing too much. But never a fear of being authentic. 

Wrestling with Daddy at eleven at night - what bedtime?

In defense of myself and this blog, I told my friend that I have changed so much in the last four years, but the truth is, I've changed so much in the last seven years. My friend is right in mentioning that I'm not the confident woman I once was. That confidence and that person were thrown out with the placenta the day my oldest was born. My confidence and self worth were shredded that day. I still don't have an answer to why, other than I was scared and realized that I was now "in charge" of an actual life. Motherhood took away the idea that I was perfect, infallible, and a quick study. Motherhood spun me and then left me waist high in a pile of dirty diapers and pacifiers. How could I not change? How could I not grow into someone new? Motherhood forces the best parts of you to rise to the occasion. After four years, I think that this blog is one of my best parts.

Against All Grain Real Deal Choco-chip Cookies for Dinner

This blog helped me find my confidence again. It allowed me to be honest with you, my readers, but also with myself. When a problem in my life arises, I try to spin it, maybe with humor, maybe with tears, but I will always share it here. This blog is two parts therapy and one part camaraderie. I share my problems and then I receive emails and comments on how I'm not effing up as bad as the next person. I'm not afraid to admit my short coming anymore. I'm not afraid to tell you that Caitlin sleeps in our bed, still at seven, once or twice a week. That I still crawl into bed with Mac when she night wakes. I'm not afraid to tell you that on some nights I forget dinner all together. That sometimes we skip baths on multiple days over the summer. That I let my girls watch episodes of Uncle Grandpa well after a reasonable bedtime, just so the Hubbs and I can have a conversation without interruption. I'm not afraid to admit to cookies for dinner and failed whole 30 challenges, and that I've started and stopped 5K training more times than I can count this summer. I'm not afraid of those things anymore. Because writing them down takes away their power. Admitting them out loud makes them seem insignificant. 

So yes, there are days when I wish I knew many of you in real life. I wish you could come to my house and see the American Girl/Monster High/Barbie Sharknado that has hit my house. I wish you could see the dishes in the sink, and the mail still on the counter from yesterday, and the bench covered with June's progress reports and school letters. I wish you could see how I look on a day I don't post an outfit of the day, what I look like with out the magical hair powder that covers my bald spot, without the concealer that hides my dark under eye circles. I wish you could see for just one moment that this is truly me. 

Yup, that's me!

It took me thirty three years to find my voice. All through high school and college I wondered what I'd really do with myself. Who was I going to be in this life? It took a husband, a marriage, and two beautiful girls to light a fire under my ass. It took becoming a mother to let go of all the fears I've ever had, the ones about being fat or ugly or not good enough. Motherhood forces you to live, it forces you to move on and get over it. Motherhood forced me to grow up and find out who I was, who I wanted to be. So here I am, Megan, who had to grow up and be Mommy. 

Who is now, so wonderfully and definitely Absolute Mommy.

Great tips I learned at Elevate

I'm no expert in this blogging world, but somewhere along the way, I've picked up a few things. I also realize that I never shared the Top Five Blogging Tips I learned at Elevate. Yes, I know that was all the way back in May, and that kind of feels like a lifetime ago. At the same time, I've been really thinking about how I'm going to evolve with this blog over the next year, and some of these tips may just give you a kick in the pants as well. Do you have some invaluable Blogging Advice? Leave it for me in the comments, and be sure to share a link to a post you may have wrote about this same thing. I'd love to read it!

Tip #1: Affiliate Links via Little Miss Momma

The best piece of advice I took away from Ashely regarding Affiliate links was to be sure you choose affiliate links that line up with the feel and voice of your blog. This is really important to me. When I first started blogging, I felt like I had to say yes to everything. Yes I'll sign up and review this product my readers will never use, yes I'll talk about this service that has nothing to do with me... When the products that you are aligning yourself with have nothing to do with you, it can make your readers not trust you. There are tons of affiliates that you can sign up for, like Lisa Leonard has one, but if you rarely wear jewelry, will you really make the most out of this relationship? Affiliates are supposed to be your partners, so working with the right one should be a win/win for both of you.

Tip #2: Collaborate and Contribute to your community via Diary of an Addict

Alissa is a master at collaborating with the blogging community. In addition to writing a fabulous blog, she knows her stuff when it comes to networking and building a community. Alissa says guest posting and inviting collaborators to your blog will not only help you build lasting relationships, but will also be great exposure for you and your blog. I totally get this. I try to offer up guest posts as often as I can. Especially on blogs I've been newly introduced to. Meet a new follower on Instagram? Answer their call for contributors or guest posters. Really like some one's handmade shop? Reach out to them and see if they would like to collaborate on a giveaway or guest post. Most of the blogging relationships that I have today are a product of guest posting and giveaway collaborations. The most important part of all of this is to make sure your collaborators are in line with your voice and vision. Just like when working with affiliate programs. I've been approached before by someone wanting to guest post, like a company or a program, but when I really read what they were about, I realized, they just weren't a good fit for this blog. Alisa's best advice: have a process in place for contributors (a schedule of posts, back up plans, types of posts), and don't make contributors a "forever" thing. Your readers want to hear you at the end of the day. Make sure your blog is still you, with just a little extra (contributors) for fun.

Tip #3 Pick a Social Media via The 36th Avenue

I can't rave enough about Desiree. I love her. Not only is she an amazing woman, but this gal knows her blogging stuff. She talked about things that made my head spin and my heart burst. You can read that post here. In regards to bloggy business, the thing that stuck with me the most was her take on social media. Desiree said that we need to pick a Social Media and be amazing at it. For example if you have thousands of likes on Facebook, work and post on that page. Engage your readers there. If Twitter is your place, tweet your heart out. If you Pin like a bad ass, Pin it. Whatever it is that you do best, or where ever you spend the most time, do that one. For me, I'm an Instagram girl. I feel like I reach more of my readers and engage them more on Instagram. Sure I still send the occasional tweet, and I still post my links on my Facebook page, but for me Instagram is where I spend the majority of my time. So pick one social media and be present there, instead of trying to be present at all of them all the time. This is the kind of genius advice Desiree gives that leaves you thinking, "Why didn't I think of that?".

Tip #4 Be ready to capture the moments on the move via Chrissy and Stephanie

Chrissy and Stephanie were the house photographers at Elevate. They did an excellent job, to see their work click here. More importantly they taught me some really valuable things about taking pictures. If you have read this blog for awhile then you know, I take horrible pictures. I don't even have a fancy camera, I only use my iPhone. They taught me that to stage pictures, lighting is key. Even if it's just a selfie, the right light can change everything. They also taught me to use household items to stage pictures and make them look more professional. The biggest take away for me was to be ready for those moment with kids. Kids are so unpredictable, especially when you are trying to get a good shot. I have to agree with Chrissy and Stephanie when they suggest to let your little ones move and play, and just be ready to click. Some of my best photos have been the product of just clicking when the kids aren't even posed of looking at the camera.

Tip #5 On Finding Balance via Lisa Leonard

I wrote an entire post about Lisa Leonard and her Five "Be"s to building your community. Not only was Lisa so incredibly humble and full of grace, but she was also very candid about her life. She runs a business with her Husband. They work together, live together, parent together. She spoke about what that looks like and that sometimes, they have to leave work at work. Of course this is incredibly hard for her and her husband, they take pride in their product and their business. She also has a blog that she writes. So how does she find balance? In short, she admitted that she doesn't, and that she may never find it. Regardless of that, she says that she is always in pursuit of balance. I take comfort in that. I may not run a successful business, and my blog may not be the type that gets a million hits a day, but balance is something I'm always in search of. Lisa admitted that sometimes she has to leave her phone at home, she has to step away from the computer, she has to fully invest her self being physically and mentally present. It's a great takeaway from a great woman who is at her core, a really fabulous human.

As you've read, here and in prior posts, I've learned so much from Elevate. I'm hoping to take some of this advice and use it over the next year. The best thing about blogging is that we are always evolving and growing, as we are in life. Our blogs follow our journey into the next phases. Sometimes it's exciting and sometimes it's scary, but with an entire community behind you, like the women I've met through Elevate, it doesn't have to be.

Bloggers in Real Life {Elevate: The People}

A blogger's life is funny. We write, we craft, we take pictures of what we wear, then we send it out into bloggyland and hope that someone, anyone will see it. Bloggers get giddy over new followers on Instagram, new likes on Facebook, and retweets on Twitter. We start conversations in "comment" boxes, make friends over selfies, and we treasure those friendships. We talk about bloggy friends as if they are our neighbors, as if we just had coffee with them yesterday. The truth is, for many of us, we rarely will meet those we hold so close to our hearts in blogland.

Saturday I got lucky. I got to meet some amazing women who I see everyday on a tiny screen I hold in my hand. I got to hug them, laugh with them, craft with them, and confirm what we already knew.

We are friends. In real life. In this life. We are friends.

 First selfie of the day with Kristine (@tffunedited on Instagram).
Kristine was my first bloggy friend. We have been leaning on each other for over three years. We like to send Facebook messages and laugh about what our husbands are doing. I love her something fierce. I'd follow her anywhere.

 Group selfies are nice too. Nay (@coffee_n_ink), Megan (@shapingupmegan), Kristine (@tffunedited), Me. Nay is my homegirl. Nay keeps me sane, says the right things, and always encourages me to write. Write it she says. Sometimes I hear her when I'm clicking the keys. I feel like I've known Nay all my life. Like there was never a moment when I didn't know her. I love to send her pins that remind me of her. And then she sends some back. I love that she hugged the Hubbs when she met him on Saturday, like she's known him for years. She kind of has. Megan is my name twin, my blog guru, and a no BS kind of gal. Obviously we get along. She is also so kind and supportive and genuinely wants my blog to do well. I know Meg, word press conversion. Also let's take a moment to reflect on the fact that she said, "Tell your husband I'm flipping him off".
Oh, these are my people. This is my tribe.

 The nicest, kindest, most beautiful woman you will every meet is Tracy Jensen (@fivejensenboyz). Follow her on Instagram for all the latest on the daughter she just brought home from an Eastern European orphanage. Tracy and I laughed and cried and told truths about motherhood. She is beautiful and I'm so honored to call her a friend.

 Fact: I love Amanda's shop. Fact: She rushed an order to have it ready for me at Elevate. Fact: after I snapped this selfie she said, "you betta filter that". I'm smiling so big because I could not wait to meet her! Amanda is @looluhrue on Instagram. And yes, I put a filter on it.

 I met Ashley last year (@littlemissmomma) and I seriously thought I was going to pass out. I've been following her since I began blogging and to say she is a role model, is well, the truth. She is so kind and genuine, and didn't even bat a pretty eyelash when I was fangirling her last year. This year she hugged me tight and we shared a little moment about writing and inspiration. And look at her mixing prints, like it is her birthright. It was amazing to connect with her again this year. 

 Two people I just had to reconnect with this year were Elise (@eliseypants) and Chrissy (@chrissydelacy). I didn't really get to hang out with them much last year, but I made sure to follow them (stalking kindly) on Instagram all year. Elise is such a beautiful person, and so incredibly creative (follow the hashtag #elisedoodles for proof). I was so excited that she was sitting at my table! Chrissy is also a beautiful person who radiates light.  She was the conference photographer this year, but she is so much more. She was also at my table and I loved all the energy that she brought to Elevate. She even gave a lesson on taking better selfies. It was so great to get to know them a little better this year.

 I will tell you all about Lisa Leonard's (@lisaleonard) fabulous presentation at Elevate in the days to come. All you need to know is this: She is the most genuine person I have ever met. She gives outstanding hugs. And she is exactly who you see on Instagram. Beautiful, talented, kind, inspiring. Also she recognized my Instagram name and I just about fell over into a bush. True story.

 I have been waiting to meet Alissa (@alissamcircle) for years. Years! Well I finally did and she was just as amazing in person. Alissa is an inspiration, a savvy business woman, she knows her bloggy biz better than anyone I know. She is a fantastic friend, an excellent mom, and an inspiring blogger. She is totally down for selfies, I wish I could have spent more time with her, but the day went by so fast. When I left, I hugged her twice for good measure and promised to stalk her on Instagram, as is my usual. I hope to see her sooner than later!

 Ok, fangirl moment of Elevate 2014. This is Ashley (@lilblueboo) from LilBlueBoo. I know. I know! So I walk up first thing to check in and I see Nay talking to this really tall gal. I think it's someone I met last year, so I stroll up like I own the place (because that's how I roll) and butt into the conversation. Then I look up (literally) and see Ashley. That's when I grab her arm and excitedly shout "Oh my God, I didn't know you were going to be here! I've been following you for years!". Yes. Yes I did that! I was so embarrassed, but let's talk about how cool Ashley is and how didn't even think it was a thing. Then when I was saying goodbye and snagging this picture (thanks Nay!), I got all teary eyed because she is such an inspiration to me. She didn't bat an eye then either.

 There are a million things I could say about Tausha (@taushawierlo). Let's start with the fact that she leaves the best comments on my blog. She tells everyone who will listen that she reads my blog daily. And the fact that when we said our goodbyes we both cried. Real tears with mascara streaks (me). She had the kindest words for me, and let me tell you I needed to hear those on Saturday. She gave me the confirmation that I needed. And she said I give her the confirmation she needs. We are quite the pair Tausha, so honored to finally meet you.

To say that I adore Lauren (@pinkonthecheek) is an understatement. She is hilarious and always fun to follow on Instagram and twitter. Also we killed the sunnies game at Elevate. Killed. She lives in the Bay area so this was a big trip for her and I was so glad she made it. Now if I can convince her to put together a Bay Area blogger meet up...

 @boxofcheese was there to let us take even more selfies. The sign that Kristine is holding says #holla, but that flash though. I love the picture on the bottom because I was laughing and trying to kiss Kristine on the cheek and I got the timing wrong. Yet, it's so right.

 More fun with @boxofcheese this time with Nay and Kristine. 

This picture really sums up Elevate as a conference, Tracy, Lisa, Sarah (@littlepenelopelane), Emmy (@emmymom). Ashley, Andrea (@aidieshideaway) and me. A portrait of bloggers at different phases of their blog life, but you would never know by looking at this picture.

Ever have a good conversation on Instagram and think, I really like her. She's my people. Well meet Krystal (@krystaladele). We had to stalk each other on Instagram on Saturday because we kept missing each other. Finally grabbed a selfie. I love meeting blog friends!

I didn't recognize Emmy (@emmymom) with her sunnies on, so glad she was like "Hello, I'm emmymom". I love following her on Instagram. She is so positive and blogs about her real mom life. Because we all need that breath of fresh air in mommyland, am I right?

 I met the amazing Ali of Sage & Harper (@sageandharper) on Saturday. I thanked her so kindly for my new favorite bag. I fangirled a little. She was so nice and told me all about her upcoming line, which, hello, will be the shaz. Then she was so nice to take a picture of me holding my bag that I wore all day. Yes, it was strapped to me all day. It's got pockets for days! Also what do you think of my outfit choice? Yup. Comfy and cool. 

What on earth could I say about Jen (@delightfuldeets) and Summer (@munchies_mama)? That they are beautiful and amazing and selfless. That they know how to throw a party? That they have become friends of mine in real life? Yes I could say all of that, but it would never do justice to the amount of love they have for what they do and who they are. They make Elevate what it is, and what it will become in the future. I adore them.

I couldn't write any other Elevate 2014 recap without writing about the people first. Elevate is about the people. The women who organize it, the women who speak at it, and the women who come and let down every single wall they have put up all year. It's the women of Elevate that make it the life changing event that it is. I met so many amazing women on Saturday, and got to see many of the women I met last year. It was as if no time had passed at all. It was so much fun, and I'm sure a lot of that had to do with Summer and Jen and Nicole. They put on a fantastic event. But I have to give some credit to the women. Who embraced the theme and principle of Elevate, to be uplifted, to be inspired, and to soar. 

I'm already counting down the days until next year.