The asshole in the dress {what do I wear to Elevate?}

With Elevate just three days away, I thought it would be important to share with you the story of how I became know as the "asshole in the dress". In addition to that, I've also come to reference the term "asshole in the dress" when trying to decide what to wear in high pressure situations. 

Almost four years ago, my bestie and I were invited to a Christmas party at the home of another friend in our circle. The idea was that a bunch of us moms were going to get together, dress the part, and relax with desserts and wine. It sounded wonderful and fun, since the only thing I was wearing in those days were yoga pants and sweatshirts (ok so that hasn't really changed). I was so excited, and since I was down to my pre Caitlin weight, I decided on a red dress that I had bought after Caitlin's second Christmas at The Loft. Let's talk about said dress for a moment. It was poinsettia red, with fabric roses around the v-neck of the dress. It was a bias cut so it didn't hug all the wrong places, and it was $19.99. I'm not even joking, down from $98. I had bought it with no place to go, but for $19.99, I mean, I just had to buy it. 

So with a cup of cheer in my heart I wore that shit with abandon. With black opaque tights and ankle boots. Sure it was freezing in Fresno a week before Christmas, but I didn't care, I was wearing a dress. My hair was clean, MY EYEBROWS WERE FILLED. I was on the town, with my bestie. Who, and I should have taken a cue, was wearing nice trouser jeans and a cropped jacket. Very chic, and yet very sensible. All cues were lost on me.

When we got to the party I was the only one dressed up. My BF in her trouser jeans was over dressed, and me, standing in the doorway in a red dress and tights, was the asshole in the dress. I mean the hostess was wearing jeans and slippers. Most of the guests were in sweaters and flats. But oh no, not me, I had to bring it and get all dolled up for a night on the couch. Not only did I freeze my ass off, but I'm forever known as the asshole in the dress.

This is the main reason I've been so obsessed with getting the right outfit for Elevate. Heaven forbid that I'm the "asshole in the dress" with so many of my peers as witness. I've tried on so many things that I don't even know whats good anymore. I can't even tell if what I'm wearing is fashionable or soccer mom. So today I'm gonna lay them all out and let you all decide. Which is kind of a joke, because I probably wear something totally different on Saturday. Anyway cast your vote in the comments and I'll try and make a decision.

Coral and navy maxi. Super comfy and breezy in case its hot like last year. But also maternity and I'm not pregnant. And what if a pregnant blogger wears it and my food baby is bigger than her bump?

 KLR maxi. Super comfy. And super slimming. But hmmm.

I still can't decide if it's enough for Elevate.

Don't get me wrong I love it, but I've kind of decided to wear it to Disney the next day.

Did I say Disney?  Shh. Don't tell the kids!

Shorts and wedges. Not really sure about the wedges. I mean white shoes? But the tank is so flowy and comfy. And this eliminates the "asshole in the dress" debate. PS: this is the most liked look on Instagram.  

This was the worst liked of all my choices when I posted this picture to Instagram yesterday.

Unfortunately, it's actually my favorite.

It's what I'm most comfortable in, and let's be honest, 

this is pretty much the uniform of Absolute Mommy.

But this look with the red skinnies and the chambray top is also a favorite. 

It's also one of my uniforms, and if I add some accessories, it's not a bad look.

I may even add Toms to it, in the event of the weather.
But my weather app, and the actual weather have been at odds.

Can someone please tell me what the weather is going to be like in Newport on Saturday?

So that is pretty much it. I'm still so confused. I feel like Elevate is such a big deal, but then I remember that most of the people there are friends, and they would probably love me if I showed up in yoga pants and a sweatshirt. I won't, but I've thought about it. Actually if I can't decide, I might just wear this:

Only kind of joking...
    Please cast your vote for the outfits in the comments. I don't want to be the "asshole in the dress".

Wore: Whatever it takes

As I type, my darling daughter is telling me how beautiful I am in my pictures. And how beautiful I am every single day. Even when I'm in my pajamas. It's probably the sweetest thing I could hear right now, because I've been feeling a little fluffy. Sure, I wrote a post all about my selfies and liking the person staring at me in the mirror, but we all have our days, including me. And lately those days have turned into the better part of a month because if I'm being totally honest, I'm fluffier than I've been in months. I sent Jillian packing last November. I ate my way through the holidays, and in the future I need to discuss the fact that I have emotionally ate my way through my Against All Grain cookbook. Just because it's grain free, doesn't mean it's Whole 30. Funny thing is, I keep posting pictures, holding myself accountable for choices and beating myself up when I think I look fluffier than usual. I can hide my flaws like a boss, and even when I can't, I slap a smile on my face and try. Swing tanks, slouchy button ups, and maxi dresses can hide a multitude of flaws. Even so, I'm trying to do whatever it takes to wear everything with confidence.

This is me on date day.
Jeans, lace tank, and a cardi.
We had a great time in case you are wondering.

This is me, post work on my way to Girl Scouts.
This maxi was a little tighter than it was last year.
That was kind of a downer, on the plus side, no one could tell.

In this picture I'm going to work in pants that are pre Caitlin.
That's seems like a victory, but a year ago, I was smaller than my pre Caitlin days.
Still, after nine years, pants that still fit my ass are kind of cool.

Let's talk about swing tanks and how they hide my middle.
I've come to the conclusion that I'm an apple shape.
That means no matter how many Jillian ab busters I do I'll always need a swing tank.

Swing tank number two.
I'll admit this one makes me took a little fluffy.
But from the side they didn't look all that bad.
I'm so glad the Hubbs suggested I buy this one.
I really wanted the mint and navy, but he said I never wore these colors,
which are more grey and coral.
Thanks Hubbs for making me step out of my mint fixation.

This is a button down tunic from Old Navy.
It's a little long, but I seriously can't get enough.
If you didn't notice I'm also wearing it with the pre Caitlin pants.
I threw on a cardi and wore it to work.
It was so comfortable.

My olive trousers are getting a work out thanks to Pinterest.
I've been stumped for years with these pants.
Now, I just search olive pants and hello!
Side note: that stripped top is older than Mac!

Chambray shirt take one.
With my black jeggings rolled up and Toms.
This is the shirt that I cut the sleeves off.
Still not sorry about that.

I've had this Loft top since Caitlin was a baby.
I really love it and it's soft as pajamas.
I realize that mustard is usually reserved for fall, 
but a girls gotta do what a girls gotta do.
Translation: shop my closet!

I'm kind of in love with all of these colors.
Dark jeans, navy striped tank, layered with a maroon tank, mustard cardi.
My hair is dirty, I'm not wearing make up and we were an hour late to a birthday party.
A party that was being held directly next door.
Only I can do something that ridiculous.
Second side note: When I tried on this tank top, Caitlin said she liked it because it was 
"boaty, you know shippy". 
I said do you mean "nautical" and she said "yeah, nautical". 
Important lessons when you are six going on seven, am I right?

Chambray take two:
My new favorite shirt, from Old Navy, bought three weeks ago.
Run, people, grab this shirt.
It's cotton, it's roomy, and it looks good dressy or casual.
Also I can't get enough of this look as a whole.
Can I just make this my work uniform?
And my high pony knocked me out, I mean who doesn't love to whip a high pony?


So whatever it takes friends. Rock those swing tanks, Bermuda shorts if you hate your thighs, three quarter length sleeves if your arms bug you. Rock them. Smile, throw on the outfit that makes you feel your best and snap a picture. Find your way back to you by doing whatever it takes. 

WIWW: Finding Inspiration when you must shop your closet

I knew that going back to work was going to be an adjustment. I just didn't realize that I'd have to readjust my fashion sense as well. Gone are the days spent in leggings and long sweaters. I've had to step it up in the "what I'm wearing" department. Last week I wrote about the fashionista I used to be. This week I'm writing about how I continually find inspiration and new ways to wear things I already own. Shopping my closet has become a way of life.

No joke Pinterest has become my virtual In Style Magazine. You can type in "denim shirt/black jeggings" and come up with results like this. Simple, easy, and something I just couldn't see in my own closet. Of course I had to put my own spin on it so I could wear it to work, but I could also add in the flats, a tank, and a necklace instead of a scarf in the summer and wear it just as fashionably. 

What can one do with a maroon sweater that just sits in the back of your closet. Type it into a Pinterest search and see what you find. Its such a "Why didn't I think of that" kind of moment, but seriously, I would have never. Next time you are undecided about what you wear, type it into a Pinterest search and let the magic happen!

Also when you are completely in love with a new scarf (minor purchase and perk of the new job), you look for new ways to wear it. I got lucky this time, and found this little mint sweater on Clearance at Target. Perfect. Still I needed a shirt to bring the entire look together. Well I found one, except it was really tight in the arms and they totally bunched in the sleeves of the sweater. When I thought about it, I knew I would never wear this shirt because of how uncomfortable it was in the arms. This is a before baby shirt. I've kept it around and worn it a few times, usually open in the summer. But now I need a white button down for some of my favorite cardis. So I took that white button up, bought on a Gap clearance round, over 8 years ago, and cut off the sleeves. You can't tell, can you? Someone should really take away my scissors! 

In case you are wondering, the sleeves of this denim shirt are cut off too. I know, I know, I can't just cut all my clothes up. Trust me the Hubbs hates that I cut the hoods off hooded sweatshirts and brand new Bulldog Football t-shirts. But I had two denim shirts and this one fit the worst and so... I can also wear it in the summer with shorts. So cutting your clothes is not always a bad thing, if it makes you wear them more.

So this isn't exactly a work outfit, but I felt like it deserved note. This is what happens when you work an eight hour shift and then have to attend Open House at your kid's elementary school. I wanted to be comfortable and warm. So I piled on the flannel and the sweaters and accessorized with uggs. Black and white is chic anywhere, am I right?

This isn't my favorite white shirt, but a girls gotta do what a girls gotta do. I really, really wanted to wear this cardi, but the tank I bought to wear with it showed too many flaws. Yes, I said flaws, so instead of hanging the cardi back up I wore this shirt with ruffles on the boobs. Once long ago I was a busty little thing. Then babies were born and my boobs moved to another dimension. This shirt makes me look top heavier in my opinion and I've resorted to calling it my Seinfeld Puffy shirt. If you know what that means, ten points for Gryffindor.

Obligatory selfie to show off my necklace from the Caroline G Shop giveaway.

It's the perfect accessory for my Gatsby cardi and my big sunnies.

It also makes me look like I'm put together and someone who wears jewelry.

I'm not.

Work has forced me to come out of my fashion shell again and that isn't a bad thing. In fact I've become more aware of what looks good and how to DIY a few things. Inspiration can come from anywhere, and at anytime, like in your closet, forty minutes before work, as you search Pinterest in your underwear. I mean, I wouldn't know, but I heard about that once.

Working Girl {week one 2014}

It's safe to say that if you follow me on Instagram then you know I returned to the work force last week.  It's been six years since I've had a steady job that requires me to wear make up and pants that don't have an elastic waist.  In addition I can't wear jeans or Toms.  What's a girl to do?  Buy a few pieces here and there, then shop the hell out of her closet that she has been ignoring for the better part of the last six years.  Thanks to all my Instapals for your kind comments on my pictures.  You all make me feel better about some of my work clothing choices.  I feel like I'm a little rusty.  But I'm working my way back into the game.  Here is what I wore on week one.  

For the record I didn't wear the jacket or scarf at work.

But I kind of like the way this all goes together.

I look like one of those people on Pinterest who are walking carefree in the park,

holding a coffee, and an awesome tote bag.  But I'm not because,

I don't have anyone to take my pictures.

Also I'm wearing my wedding ring again, because now I have somewhere to wear it.

Scarf: Eddie Bauer Outlet (this year)

Denim Jacket:  The Gap (circa 2001)

Actual outfit worn for my return into the wonderful world of retail.

Lace shirt: Kohl's, Lauren Conrad (fall 2013)

New Black Skinnies: Ann Taylor Loft (after Christmas sale 50%off)

Layering tank: Target

Brown Boots (my old stand bys): Kohl's (2012)

I had this mapped out in my mind for a few days, but with a denim shirt.

The denim shirt wasn't dressy enough for my taste so I added a mustard cardi.

Same boots as Monday, and a layering tank to make sure my boobs didn't fall out.

I mean no one wants to see those, I promise.

New gray trouser skinnies: Anne Taylor Loft (this year, 50% off at their clearance sale)

Lace tank: Target (summer)

Layering tank: Old Navy

Boyfriend Cardi: Target (last year)

Lets have an honest talk here.  The pants I'm wearing, I found them in a bag

marked garage sale, no joke.  The Hubbs brought in the bag from the last garage sale, I went through it again and found these brown pants from, wait for it, 2001.  They were bought the same day as the denim jacket in picture one.  Cardi, blouse, and nude flats are new purchases.  I liked this outfit because it was comfortable, but looked put together.

Cream cardi: Target

Polka Dot Shirt: NY and CO

Brown trousers: Gap (2001)

Nude flats: Payless

Let's talk dirty mirrors for a moment.  Didn't notice it until I was ready to post this picture.  Shameful.

Skinny trousers again, but only because my other pants are getting alterations.

Wine and leopard is a combo that I just love.  Brown boots again, but they are hard to see.

Those babies are from Kohl's.  Also the leopard sweater is from Mervyn's (moment of silence for dead retailers), and its from the girls department because I'm kinda short.

So remember that giveaway from Kiki La Rue I won?  Well I indulged in this gold and black cardi called the Gatsby.  The gold is fantastic and has some shine to it.  I'm not usually a fan of gold and shiny, but it's super glamorous.  I paired it with a different lace shirt that has sleeves (that you can't see), and black trousers I found hiding in my closet from my former life as an escrow assistant.  New black flats that aren't as comfortable as my nude ones, which sucks because these were twice as much!

Gatsby Cardi: Kiki La Rue

Lace Shirt: American Eagle (2012)

Black Trousers: Ann Taylor Loft (circa 2006)

Black Flats: Aldo

All in all a great first week at work.  Did my feet hurt?  Yes.  Was I exhausted?  Absolutely.  Did I have fun?  Yeah, I really did.  Being out in the world is kind of fun.  Did I miss my bloggy world and Instagram friends?  So much.  But by posting my outfits everyday, I felt like I wasn't totally in the dark.  And look at this selfie, I even wore earrings.  It says a lot about a person's new adventure in life, when it requires her to do her eyebrows and wear earrings on the same day.  Snort.

PS: if you want to follow my inspiration for all my work outfits, follow my Working Girl board on Pinterest.

Wore: Confession

Last week I posted this outfit of the day.

Long shirts cover up my dark secret...

This outfit was my, "let's pretend it's not going to be 80 degrees at the pumpkin patch today, since this is California and not Wisconsin", outfit.  Experience taught me (from Caitlin's trip just 2 years prior with the same school), that wearing flip flops in the dirt was not a good idea. So boots it was, along with some jeggins, a layering tank, and a nice wine colored top.  All things I've had in my closets since last fall.  All things that have brought me happiness and confidence.  But, if I left this post at that last sentence I'd be a liar.

Here is my confession for the day:

I cut the waistband of those jeggings.

Because they were too damn tight in the waist.

Because I'm a little heftier than I was last year.

Despite working out daily for the last, oh, eight weeks.

Because I didn't have the spare cash to buy some bigger ones.

Because I just can't abide by no bigger ones.

Look, I've decided, I have earned the right to cut the waistband to get my chubbier middle into some jeggings.  Those damn things fit everywhere else.  They fit good in the thigh, they are the perfect length, and guess what, you couldn't tell that the waistband was cut.  Also I eat sticks and fruit.  I mean I don't eat grain, I don't eat dairy, I don't eat sugar or dairy or even caffeine.  There is no joy in my life (just when it comes to food), so by God if I want to cut the waistband, I'm cutting the damn waistband.

Who am I kidding.  I'm writing this to convince myself that it's ok.  I'm writing this to convince myself that cutting the waistband was a better option than crying as I stepped on the scale again.  A better option than binge eating Lara bars and coconut milk ice cream.  A better option than wearing them tight and wondering if people were staring at my obvious belly bulging over the top of my pants.

So I cut the waistband.  I put on that outfit and tried not to think about my dirty little secret.  I posted that picture above on Instagram and you all said such wonderfully nice things about said outfit (which is also great for my ego, thank you very much).  

But I bet not one of you thought, 

That bitch cut her waistband.

Am I right?

Don't forget you can still get this rad shirt while

helping the fight against breast cancer!

Visit Homemade Escapade!

Princess Kate {mommy crush}

image courtesy of Yahoo
original URL

It's a royal bouncing baby boy!  Ah, rejoice America.  Something to take the attention away from South East, or West South, or whatever ridiculous name bestowed on so called American Royalty.  It's a HRH The Prince of Cambridge.  And I'm more excited than I thought I'd be.  Let's get real here, babies are exciting.  Royal babies send normal, level headed, could care less unless it's about True Blood me into hysterics.  I stalked the news all morning Tuesday, for perhaps a glimpse of our little HRH.  And to my surprise I hit it at just the right time to see the interview to end all interviews.  
Friends, Twitter was afire.  The anchors on CNN, ABC, and NBC were a flutter.  It's a Prince.  Carried by a beautiful commoner and then in the arms of his father, another beautiful prince.  I'm old enough to remember when Charles and Diana got hitched.  I remember my Grandma parked in front of the TV.  I remember the dress, the carriage, the palace.  I also remember the birth of both princes.  So this was just one step further in admitting that I love events like this.
Here is what absolutely blew my mind, Princess Kate.  She looked stunning.  Sure she had her hair dresser show up at the hospital, she's a damn princess for crying out loud.  And yes, she was wearing make up, and smiling a delicious smile of joy only a first time mother can have!  Stunning I tell you.  But wait it gets better, she still looked pregnant.  I know what you are thinking, but seriously, this is what a post delivery body looks like.  It looks like the baby is still in there.  That's real life friends.  That's what you are supposed to look like.  Not photo shopped in People Magazine.  Blissfully on the cover, with her baby in pastel lit room, while pillows and maxi dresses, and a baby covers her problems areas.  This is what keeping it real looks like.  There was no mega diet, mega juice fast, hours clocked at the gym.  She just pushed out a human, a royal one at that, then got up and rocked her first interview.  Has anyone even seen Kim K?  Yeah, Kim K who?   Because she is too busy on a juice fast I would gather.
And I'm loving every moment of it!  Also I'm loving the Prince himself, who took that baby from Kate like a champ.  Who admitted his son has a set of lungs on him.  Kate has said the Prince has already changed some nappies (those are diapers to us Americans).  I also just about fell out of my chair when the Prince brought out the baby in the infant car seat and then proceeded to drive away.  He drove people!  Even the British correspondent had his panties in a bunch.  Royals, I take it, do not drive.  How novel!
So for the moment Kate is my mommy crush.  I know she will do us mamas proud by sporting her usual off the rack wardrobe, and possibly a top knot with 3 day old hair.  It's been reported that they are employing no nannies, so is it possible that we will see her baby wearing HRH?  I mean really!  Pushing a pram to the store for diapers?  Get out!  Can you even imagine if she breast feeds publicly?  It's insane the trends this woman is going to inspire, across the pond, but also here where we are quite royally obsessed!  Do you think she is just going to go to the local park and let HRH have a play date?  With no nannies do you think the royal couple will bicker and fight about real parent problems?  How awesome would those fights be?  "I don't care if you are next in line for King, change that shitty nappy!!", "I'm a Princess that just grew you a human, a royal one at that, let me sleep!".  OK, I'm just fantasizing here, but seriously, how cool would it be to say that?
I'm excited to see how this newest royal edition is going to grow up.  I'm looking forward to see how Kate enjoys motherhood, how she tackles motherhood, and of course what she wears while doing it.  I'm also curious to know what they will name the newest HRH.  I've heard that George, Phillip, and Albert are at the top of the list.   However, Albus Severus is really catchy.

Wore {Vday Room Mom; pinned it, wore it}

  I've said many times before, I will never be a fashion blogger. As much as I love fashion and clothes, fashion bloggers need to be serious. More serious than iPhone pictures taken in your bathroom. I'm learning, and I'm going out on a limb from time to time. I'm also, thanks to Pinterest, happily shopping my closet. Here's some Valentine's Day, Pinned it Wore it!   I knew I was going to need something comfortable and casual for Valentine's Day. I had a date with 27 of the cutest kindergartners around. This is my chapter in room mom style. What to wear when you have to be on your feet, serving rice krispie treats, or from time to time sitting cris cross apple sauce.   Here is the Pin.  

source

 

I thought the stripes with the red was fantastic.  Plus anytime I can wear my favorite jeans is a win for me.  While I liked the shoes, I know better.  I can't wear anything but a wedge since the girls have been born.  Believe me I tried, and those shoes up there are ankle breakers in my book.  Yet, I wasn't phased.  I knew I could take the basic elements of this idea and apply it to stuff I had in my closet.   Now for the Wore It.  

   Striped tank with a black layering tank under it.  Red boyfriend cardigan from Target.  Seriously they are the most comfortable sweaters of all time!  Jeans by American Eagle (the Artist), and of course red Toms.  It was comfortable and festive.  I was able to help pass out Valentines.  I was able to sit at mini desks and help with heart graphs.  I was even able to go home, relax, put my feet up, and then go out to Panera with the family.  All in a days work, right mamas?   If you'd like to see the other hundred things I pin and never wear you can here!  

WIW: December '12 recap

  Ok, so I'm no fashionista, but I'm super excited to show off what I wore in December. Why? Because most of this stuff was hanging in my closet. That means I didn't have to buy much. I give all the credit to Pinterest. Making closet shopping fashionable one day at a time!  

I had everything but the scarf.
That scarf was from Target.
Red skinnies, denim shirt, old man fleece cardi.

 

Dress, tights, ankle boots, purchased eons ago.
Red grandpa cardi new from Target.
This was my get up for Caitlin's school program!

 

Black skinnies from Old Navy, new.
Red Christmas sweater after Christmas 2011 purchase.
Denim shirt, layering tank, from the closet.
This is my "room mom on Christmas party day" look.

 

This blazer is blue velvet and
refereed to as my Willy Wonka jacket.
The lace shirt was an October
American Eagle clearance
purchase ($14.99)
Old Navy skinnies (new)
and boots (so last year...)

 

All items pictured were
bought the precious year.
I'm also make up free,
day old hair, and red cupped.

 

I gotta say this one is my favorite.
I mixed prints for the first time.
I love red stripped
anything prior to Christmas.
The shirt is a Gap Body
that I wore when preggo
with Mac (2009ish)
The puffy vest was a
Christmas gift the year
I got married (2005).
All just chillin in my closet.

 

Christmas just isn't Christmas
without A Christmas Story on TV.
New Christmas flannel PJs.
And new woolly slippers.

  I've never said I'm a fashion blogger. I just play one sometimes on my blog.