Today was my birthday. My thirty sixth if you hadn't heard. I woke up to almost 50 posts to my Facebook wall and over 40 Instagram comments. I even had individual wishes on Instagram as well. That made thirty six a little easier to swallow. Truth is, I pretty much wallowed all day. I wasn't thrilled with thirty six. It seemed like a very "non" birthday. Not as important or significant as twenty one, or sixteen, or even thirty. It's not quite forty or even fifty. It's just another birthday. Nothing fancy. No big deals to be made. Just another day really, just another year.
In a moment of frustration I complained about the rain. Of course it would rain on my birthday, and while it had on other years as well, this year was like a personal offense. When I mentioned this to my best friend, she told me to embrace it. That rain is refreshing and that it would in fact wash away all my negative energy and feelings about thirty six. It would help me grow into thirty six, and tomorrow I would feel like my old self, just another year older.
I held on to that all day. And finally after a dinner out with my little family, in a semi fast food joint, I got that little moment I needed. While everyone took a trip to the bathroom, I stayed at the table alone. In a tiny pocket of time with just me, listening to sizzling burgers, strangers conversations, and someoneelse's baby crying, I found the peace I was looking for. I was here. At thirty six. Taking a deep breath, thanking God for those breaths, and knowing that nothing had changed from yesterday to today. I'm still me. I'm still here. I'm still living. I wasn't alone for more than two minutes but that is all I needed to realize that I was finally ok with today. Finally ok with another year gone. Finally ok to say goodbye to year thirty five, and hello to year thirty six.