What's Up with You? {Three Things Thursday}

New year. New me. New you. New goals. One major goal this year is to engage this wonderful blogging community better. What better way than to begin a new link up with some blog friends! Together, the three of us came up with Three Things Thursday. Just three things to talk or write about. Five seemed like too many and "one thing" was like we weren't even trying! So any three things that are on your mind. Any three pictures from Instagram. Three complaints about your day/week. Three of your favorite treats. Seriously. Any three things! So write it. Publish it. Yell it from the mountain tops! 
Just be sure you come back and link it up here!

For some extra fun follow us on Instagram for some three things posts! 
Use the #threethingsthursday, and let's start talking!

This week we have invited Megan from Shaping up to be a Mom to join us for Three Things Thursday. Everyone say hello to Megan and stop by her blog to see some great recipes, promotions, and weight loss tips. Thanks for joining us Megan! Find her on Instagram!

This week has been kind of a wash. I had the best of intentions of posting more than once. Then life and a Jane the Virgin marathon... Then I read this really excellent book... And you get the picture, but here are a few things that are happening around here this week.

1. No Rey...

I posted this picture back at the beginning of the month. As you can see, there is a wide arrange of force awakens characters... Including Vader... I mean, hello did this toy company even see the movie? Anyway, I posted it because I was so disappointed that Rey was missing. Rey. Who is like one of the main characters and also, I guess to her detriment when it comes to toys, a Girl! For the record she kicks a ton of ass in more ways than one. She is independent, smart, and SPOILER, a surprise Jedi. So where the heck is Rey? I would have bought this set that, even by Target standards, is not cheap. My girls were super excited until Caitlin said, "Where's Rey, Mom?". I myself was outraged and the husband got a little embarrassed when I began to rant and rave about equality and equal pay and seven cents on the dollar and all that jazz. I've read plenty of posts and tweets about missing Rey, but this post has been the best and most eye opening. Are we still really in a spot where toy makers believe that a boy will never play with a girl character? And vise versa? Read this excellent post and then stop yourself from burning your bra.

2. Dressing Room Selfies

Today I wanted to take a moment to show off how much fun I had mixing prints. Sure we were at Kohl's looking for dresses for these monkeys, but I was like, look at me. I'm mixing prints, my hair is dirty and my make up is smudged and I'm still rocking at life. Then the animals got restless and decided that I was just too self absorbed for my own good. Or maybe they are just posing like their mama. Either way we laughed so hard and so long about this! These kids kill me on the daily, but I'm so grateful for them!

3. National Handwriting Day

Most "National (something) Days I ignore. Never this one. I didn't have a chance all day Saturday, but finally late that night I grabbed one of my kid's notebooks and a highlighter. Then I just planned on writing the first line. Then the second came and then... I love to write, anytime and anywhere. National Handwriting Day just gave me a reason to share it on Instagram. I've got notebooks and napkins and even gift bags with little verses just like this. Sometimes I just can't help myself. 

What's going on with you people of blog land? Have three things on your mind that you would like to share? Link up with us. I'm hoping to get back into the routine of blogging next week, and hopefully do so more writing. Until then... I just started another fantastic book! Ugh. See you next week.

Quotes of the Week {Three Things Thursday vol 3}

New year. New me. New you. New goals. One major goal this year is to engage this wonderful blogging community better. What better way than to begin a new link up with some blog friends! Together, the three of us came up with Three Things Thursday. Just three things to talk or write about. Five seemed like too many and "one thing" was like we weren't even trying! So any three things that are on your mind. Any three pictures from Instagram. Three complaints about your day/week. Three of your favorite treats. Seriously. Any three things! So write it. Publish it. Yell it from the mountain tops! 
Just be sure you come back and link it up here!

For some extra fun follow us on Instagram for some three things posts! 
Use the #threethingsthursday, and let's start talking!

Ask anyone and they will tell you that I spend an unreasonable amount of time on my phone. Sometimes when my kids are around, most times when I should be asleep. I've missed bedtime by thirty minutes or more because I got wrapped up in Star Wars memes.

True story.

Scrolling through Instagram and Pinterest this week has blessed me with a few inspirational quotes for 2016. Add in a little gem from my Time Hop and one of my favorite shows and I knew I just had to share these for #threethingsthursday. Each have a special place in my heart, and I hope they make you giggle like they made me giggle!

1. Bitch you are a FAN...
I get that not everyone is going to like me. That's cool. I'm a big girl now and no longer in high school so these kinds of things no longer bother me. Recently I had to block someone because I didn't want to clog my feeds with passive aggressive bullshit. So silently, on my own, I just hit block and defriend. That's what adults do. Long story short, a steady stream of passive aggression played out on the Interwebs and it was brought to my attention. That's when I took a deep breath, put on my big girl pants and said, "That's why I blocked that shit". Then a friend sent me this and I just about died. Look, if you don't like me, then act like it. Stop watching over my shoulder. Otherwise, can I interest you in an autograph? 

2. We need a reality show.

Have you ever laughed so hard at a text message from your best friend that the people around you in Target wonder if they should call security? I have. Multiple times. One time, I sent a stream of texts to my best friend and she text me back that she may or may not have peed a little. Once in conversation we both laughed so hard and for so long that there was radio silence for at least three minutes. Let me tell you about my best friend. She is hilarious. She is so damn funny that she will make my biggest nightmare, failure, hardship, ET AL, into the funniest fucking thing I have ever heard. The road also goes both ways. We have, in recent months considered doing a pod cast. 

"Would anyone listen", I asked.

"Does it matter?", she replied.

In my mind we are on a reality show, every day. Especially when she is in Montana shoveling her driveway because snow is beautiful, but as she says, ice is bullshit. More so on the days that we text about our favorite television shows and make up alternate universes for them (because George O'Mally is still alive and doing great work at some Air Force Base in the Middle East damn it). It is rare that I call her and I don't hang up giggling to myself. 

Bravo here we come.

3. Just say NO.

This showed up in my Time Hop a couple of days ago. I love Girls on HBO. So many people in my life can't get behind it, but I love it. I think it's because Hannah is a writer and completely off kilter in her twenties. Plus it's set in New York and to live in New York was  a dream I had one time. When Hannah uttered this quote, it was over something lame, like going on a hike. In reality though, isn't this a great life lesson? It really is liberating to say no to shit you hate. Why agree to something that isn't going to make you happy? Probably because it's the "new year", and most likely because I'm trying to cut the shit out of my life, this quote, in my time hop was a really good reminder of what can liberate you from unhappiness. Do I want to go running today? No. Do I want to fold all that laundry in the dryer right now? No. Should I? Sure, but right now I'm being a liberated woman... Or something like that.

I hope these quotes inspired you and made you want to be on your own reality show with your best friend. Just say no, friends. But please say yes to this link up. Have three things you want to share? Write it up and link it below. Don't have time for that business? Then share three things on Instagram and tag me so I can check you out! 

GD it's GFree {Cake Mix Crinkle Cookies}

I swear I have had this recipe on my blog planner since I made them in December. Then Christmas happened, then New Years, and oh I'll just push them another week. That's been my story for the past month or so. Then today, a mom of one of my Girl Scouts sent me a text that she needed a Gluten Free dessert recipe, and could I share the one for those wonderful gluten free cookies from the Christmas Party?

A non gluten free person asking for the recipe for the "wonderful gluten free cookies".

Of course I shared it with her, but it also prompted me to share it with all of you. I made these for our Girl Scout Christmas party and Caitlin's class party. Both times there were numerous gluten treats and both times this cookie was gone faster than the gluten treats. This fact makes me incredibly happy because it means that if I decide to take these gluten free cookies to another party at school or dance or again to Girl Scouts, the kids and parents will enjoy them just as much as my gluten free girl. Another bonus, no one will wonder who the hell baked the rocks at the end of the table. That's happened before, much to my embarrassment.

These Gluten Free Cake Mix Crinkle Cookies were inspired by this recipe. I was looking for something easy, since I was baking three different kinds of cookies for Caitlin's third grade Christmas Party. I know what you are thinking, and sometimes I am "that mom". For the record, Caitlin has another classmate that is gluten free and I wanted to make sure there were enough for the other kids to try. This is how I can gauge what to bring for other parties. The trick to this recipe is to use Pillsbury Gluten Free Funfetti Cake Mix, because it's closest in weight to regular cake mix. Betty Crocker has a killer chocolate cake mix as well, but it makes a smaller cake, therefore the weights aren't as close to a regular mix. I'm not a professional, so I didn't want to try this recipe and fudge my way through. I needed quick and easy cookies that could be made start to finish in about an hour. These pretty much fit the bill.

I hope you like these cookies as much as everyone in my house, at school, and at Girl Scouts. It didn't matter that they were gluten free, and most people were surprised when I told them! They are super easy to make and smell amazing when they are baking. They come out light and fluffy too, so they will never be confused for rocks. I promise.

Gluten Free Funfetti Cake Mix Crinkle Cookies
**Note: the link to Amazon for the GF Funfetti cake mix says it's out of stock. I've also found it at Walmart and Target in their baking aisle. You can also buy it at Walmart.com for a reasonable price. 

1 box GF Funfetti (Pillsbury)
1 egg lightly beaten
1 tub Cool Whip (just the small tub)
1 tsp vanilla
1 cup powdered sugar

Preheat oven to 350, and line a baking sheet with parchment paper (I use the pre-cut sheets because they are perfect for lazy bakers like myself). In a large bowl combine the cake mix, Cool Whip, egg, and vanilla. Mix together, and don't freak out. The dough is super sticky. In a separate small bowl measure out your powdered sugar. Using a cookie scoop, scoop out dough and roll into a ball. I used a scoop that measures about 1.5 tablespoons. Then roll that ball into the powdered sugar and place on the cookie sheet. Half way through you will probably need to rinse your hands because the dough will be so sticky. That is normal, just so you know. Also don't place them too close together, gluten free cookies don't really spread, but it's better to be safe. Once you have filled a cookie sheet, take a fork or a small glass and flatten out the cookies. Again, this is because gluten free cookies don't really spread and you may end up with funky cookie balls. Bake for 12-15 minutes. I think mine were good at 13 minutes. Let them cool before removing them or they will fall apart... Not that I know from experience. Yield: about 2 dozen depending on size.


I'm crushing on... {Three Things Thursday}

New year. New me. New you. New goals. One major goal this year is to engage this wonderful blogging community better. What better way than to begin a new link up with some blog friends! Together, the three of us came up with Three Things Thursday. Just three things to talk or write about. Five seemed like too many and "one thing" was like we weren't even trying! So any three things that are on your mind. Any three pictures from Instagram. Three complaints about your day/week. Three of your favorite treats. Seriously. Any three things! So write it. Publish it. Yell it from the mountain tops! 
Just be sure you come back and link it up here!

For some extra fun follow us on Instagram for some three things posts! 
Use the #threethingsthursday, and let's start talking!

This week we have invited Tausha from Taush.O to join us for Three Things Thursday. Everyone say hello to Tausha and stop by her blog to see her totally adorable toddler and some amazing DIYs. Thanks for joining us Tausha! Find her on Instagram!

Three things I'm totally crushing on this week.

ONE: This guy

This is Absolute Hubbs when I met him and he was merely Crutch. Okay that's a lie, he's never been merely "anything". From the moment we met, he was trouble. This is the guy. This is the one. This is my end. You see us in selfies and you think you know, and you have an idea. But this face. This was the face I could never say "NO" to. This was the face that melted me, that weakened my knees, that sent me tumbling. Head over heels, face first. Into love. Then marriage. And then into motherhood. His birthday is Saturday, and he's going to complain about being old. But I still see this guy. Every day. Because it's always been this guy. This face.

TWO: Twitter for Writers

Six. Word. Stories. I love them. They make my mind work. They send me into another world with just six words. On days when I can't even make it to a keyboard. When picking up a pen just seems daunting, I know I can go on Twitter and write a six word story. And one day I may go back and write six or seven more words, until there is a real story there. If you are a writer check it out. It's really fun and a great way to write without realizing it.

THREE: Star Wars

My girls loving Star Wars. Like LOVING IT. They were kind of into Chewy in A New Hope, but they lost all sense of themselves when they say Yoda in Empire. Then they just about fell over during Jedi. I mean who can resist the power of Ewoks? Not them. Not me. Not us. Because even the Hubbs became a little geeked out as we made our way through Star Wars episodes 4 through 6 in order to see The Force Awakens. And the answer is Yes. The Force Awakens is just as amazing as everyone is saying. All the talk, all the hype, all the emoji hands that have been spent talking about it, is well deserving. The only question I have for myself is what the heck took me so long? Why did I wait all this time before watching it with my kids? They loved it so much that we made a quick trip to Build A Bear for Ewoks and Princess Leia outfits. Because duh!

This week I had some crushes. Next week who knows. That is the beauty of Three Things Thursday. So let's talk. What three things are you crushing on this week? Don't forget to link up and share your #threethingsthursday.

Sometimes I'm a fraud on Instagram

I read a quote the other day that said something like "Instagram is just some one's highlight reel". Wow. That gave me pause. Is my Instagram my highlight reel? Some days yes. Some days no. I have been known to complain or bitch on Instagram about what are most likely first world problems. I have been known to post selfies without make up or dirty hair on Instagram. I've bragged or been shameless about boasting about my kids, my new bag, my Starbucks red cup on Instagram. Does that make Instagram my highlight reel?

My first inclination is to say no. No. Like a hard NO.

Because I made a promise to myself years ago when I started this blog that I was going to be real. In life and on social media. I couldn't be part of that "perfect mothers" club. I couldn't fight that war anymore. I decided all those years ago that I would put myself out there, even when it hurt, even when it was embarrassing. Sometimes I share too much, but, and here is the issue at hand, sometimes I share too little. Sometimes I hide. Sometimes I don't want to be that one person on Instagram that has nothing nice to say. That doesn't happen often, but it still happens. Does that make Instagram my highlight reel?

Yes. Because sometimes I'm a fraud. Most days I feel like a fraud.

I'm never going to be the perfect mother. Never. I've let that one go. It's okay. I'm okay with that now. Do I want to be a good mother? Yes. Good feels real. Good feels attainable. Good feels right. Does that mean that I still yell in the morning? Yes. I'm a good mother if you overlook the fact that sometimes I get real grouchy about making lunches. The same sandwiches with the crusts cut off after I swore to the Almighty that I would never ever cut off the damn crusts. I'm a good mother if you overlook the fact that my kids wear leggings that have stained knees and that sometimes their shirts have little holes in the stitching. I'm a good mother if you forget that sometimes dinner is McDonald's or Fro-Yo because it's school fundraiser night and dinner and fundraisers can't ever happen on the same night. It's just not possible, in fact I think it's a scientific fact. I'm a good mother if you never ask what time my kids go to bed at night, what kind of vitamins they take, or how much milk we go through in a week. Other than that I'm a good mother.

I'd bet that you are a pretty good mother too. As long as I don't look too closely at your base boards and ignore that one chair in your bedroom covered in laundry that never gets folded. And let's be honest with each other, if you are interested in my base boards, then this will never work.

So sometimes I'm a fraud on Instagram. Those selfies when my hair is done and I'm rocking sunglasses mean that I skipped the make up. If you ever see me with make up, my hair probably looks tore up. If you see me ready for work, outfit of the day rocking, kids dropped off, and taking selfies,: chances are my house is a disaster, my legs haven't been shaved in weeks, and both kids cried this morning when I lost my shit about toaster waffles. Because I'm smiling and taking that selfie through the self doubt, the guilt, and the terrible feeling in the pit of my stomach that I'll never be as good as I want to be. And that the kids will notice. That you will notice. That everyone will notice.

Thank God you can't see that in a selfie. Thank God that Instagram hides the anxiety your daughter has about school performances. That it hides the fact that your five year old will only eat chicken nuggets, bagels with cream cheese, or hamburger buns with Kraft singles in rotation on the daily. Thank you God, that Instagram hides that fight you had with your husband last night about the damn trash being stacked higher than you, that he put your cup away on the highest shelf, that I was snippy about making lunches that I said I would make though he offered. Thank God for that.

So yeah. Sometimes Instagram is my highlight reel. Sometimes I need a damn highlight reel to get through the day. I need to focus on those little faces covered in chocolate, ruining their dinner with Target Icees. Some days I need to take a selfie with no make up, dirty hair, and a great pair of sunnies to remember that I'm a good mother. I'm a damn good mother, regardless of the yelling. Regardless of the piles of unfolded laundry. Regardless of the pit in my stomach that tells me otherwise.

Some days you have to own it. All of it. Even the fake and fraudulent. Even the highlight reel.

Especially the highlight reel.

Always own the highlight reel.

GD it's GFree {Chicken Pot Pies}

I will admit that living a gluten free lifestyle is so much easier today than it was in 2003. In 2003 I discovered that I was allergic to gluten and completely cut it out of my diet. Back then in what I call the "dark days" (total Hunger Games reference, because let's face it I was so very hungry!), if you wanted any kind of gluten free baked good, you had to mix your own flours bake it yourself. That involved things like xantham gum and guar gum. Which I still don't understand what they really are. If you were lucky enough to find a mix of any kind your end result was usually inedible. I can't tell you how many dollars were wasted on mixes that yielded baked rocks that tasted so awful that they were immediately spit into the trash. Today those are nightmares of the past. Today we are lucky that there are hundreds of mixes available on the market to meet all our gluten free cravings, and some of our favorite standbys like Bisquick or Betty Crocker have joined in to help make gluten free baking easier on all of us.

Side note: the mixes from Betty Crocker and Bisquick are not organic or GMO free or any of those kind of buzzy jazz words that are used today. In my house we can barely follow gluten free guidelines when we bake. If we happen upon organic or GMO free mixes, lovely. If not, we are going to eat it anyway.

A few weeks back, Caitlin asked for gluten free chicken pot pies. This request sent me in a mini panic because of all the things I do bake, pie crust is not one of them. Pie crust is scary. Pie crust and gluten free baking rarely mix, unless you are a pastry chef or are really good at recipes. I'm not so good at recipes, especially when they have like seventeen steps. I went directly to my resource when I have questions about life... Pinterest. Of course she delivered about a million recipes, many of them calling for scratch crust or biscuits. Thankfully Pinterest now has an easy button and that yielded two recipes. One using regular can biscuits (because sometimes Pinterest is confused and forgets about your gluten free request), and one using Gluten Free Bisquick. I looked at both and came up with my own solution.

For this recipe I used Gluten Free Bisquick and Gluten Free Cafe Cream of Mushroom soup. I was able to find both at Walmart for a very reasonable price. You can also buy these items on Amazon. I also used a muffin pan for those giant over sized muffins. My pan yields six muffins, or six pot pies if you will. If you'd like, you can make this is a 9x13 Pyrex as the original recipe suggest. For me and my family, the muffin pan was the best choice. It was easy to portion control and easy to store in the refrigerator covered in foil.

Gluten Free Chicken Pot Pies

1.5 cups of cooked chicken
2 cups mixed vegetables (whatever your family likes)
1 can Gluten Free Cafe Cream of Mushroom soup
1/4 cup milk

For the Topping
3/4 cup Gluten Free Bisquick
1/2 cup milk
1 egg
2 Tbl melted butter

In one bowl combine first four ingredients and mix well (here you can add any spices if you'd like. I'm not a chef, so I don't spice it up, because that means I will probably eff it up). In a second bowl combine all your topping ingredients and mix until combined. The batter will seem too sticky, it's not, I promise. If you are using a Pyrex pour the chicken and veg mix into the bottom, otherwise spoon it evenly in your muffin pan. Then using an ice cream scoop or whatever you have, I have a cookie scoop, scoop your toppings over the chicken and veg mix. For my muffin pan I did about 1.5 scoops per muffin well. Then use a spoon or your fingers to evenly spread the dough over the top. Bake at 350 for 25-30 minutes.

That's it, it really is that easy. I promise they are good. Like picky eight year old daughter good. Also the non GFree-ers in the family (The Hubbs, My mom) said they were delicious and asked for seconds. Second side note: My mom had these two days after as leftovers and said they were delicious! Awesome right?

Years ago, when I was a real blogger that did things like crafts and cooking, I had a series called "GD it's GFree", hence the title of today's post. In an effort to get back into blogging, I'm bringing it back. The GD could stand for "Gosh Darn", but if you know me at all... Anyway, I'm hoping to share more of the gluten free shortcuts I've learned since Caitlin went gluten free over a year ago. Stay tuned.

A 2016 goal of mine is to link up more.
Because that will make me blog more.
So this post is going to party over at The Foley Fam
and Kristine's Sunday Funday Link Party.
Stop By!

Three things Thursday {3 things I gave up in 2015}

New year. New me. New you. New goals. One major goal this year is to engage this wonderful blogging community better. What better way than to begin a new link up with some blog friends! Together, the three of us came up with Three Things Thursday. Just three things to talk or write about. Five seemed like too many and "one thing" was like we weren't even trying! So any three things that are on your mind. Any three pictures from Instagram. Three complaints about your day/week. Three of your favorite treats. Seriously. Any three things! So write it. Publish it. Yell it from the mountain tops! 
Just be sure you come back and link it up here!

For some extra fun follow us on Instagram for some three things posts! 
Use the #threethingsthursday, and let's start talking!

I ended 2015 thinking about how much I enjoyed Christmas this year. Last year I was in over my head, with a full time job and full time obligations. Stretched so thin that I literally spent an evening crying under my Christmas tree because I wanted six more weeks of Christmas instead of the six days I had left. This year, while working part time, I was able to be present more. I was able to say yes and not resent the obligations I had agreed to. I was able to take my time and not feel so rushed. Still the holidays were just as stressful as usual, and there were mornings where I was just at the end of my line with the simple things. Like what to eat for breakfast. Or why none of the thermoses had been washed the night before. As my family and I made the slow shift from Christmas into the New Year, I began to reflect on all of the things I had let go of this year. The little things that I gave up, those times I finally waved my white flag and surrendered. Because sometimes those little things that we hold so tightly are really the things that stress us the most. That said, here are three small things I let go of in 2015, and honestly I'm so much happier that I did.

1. Fashion Police

I gave up on trying to make my girls wear clothes that matched. This photo doesn't do any justice to the things that I've seen in this past year, but trust me. Some days it's leopard print and stripes. Some days it's plaids and stripes. Some days it's the colors that clash that make me break into a cold sweat of anxiety, but I've learned to hold my tongue. I've learned to let them wear it and test their own fashion boundaries. Especially when I noticed that my objections were changing the way they were feeling out themselves and their personal sense of style. Let's be honest, no one is hurt by patterns that don't match, and I'm not Anna Wintour. What do I know about pattern mixing? Nothing. Those little faces with the crushed looks damn near crushed me when I questioned their "outfits". I I've held my tongue. Bit it so hard on some mornings it almost bled. Making mornings easier now that I look the other way. These days my only job in the fashion department is to make sure they have a coat and shoes.

2. That Bedtime Routine

I know exactly what you are thinking. My kids are eight and five and we don't have a proper bedtime routine. What would Dr. Ferber say? What the hell is wrong with me? Nothing. I'm human. I'm tired. And sometimes everyone piling into Mom and Dad's bed is easier than fighting and crying about all the other things that are wrong with life on a Wednesday night. So, yeah. Sometimes we co-sleep. Still. Even when we don't start out co-sleeping one of the little humans in this house finds their way into our bed. It's fine. We don't have a bed time or a routine and we are still alive. Sometimes we are tired, but we are still alive.

3. Hating my Body

My body isn't the same body I had three years ago. That's been really hard for me. I've spent the majority of my life fighting with the scale, and when I had to give up all grains because of a food allergy I lost a ton of weight. That weight stayed off for more than a year, and then right around thirty five my body started to change again. I'm sure age has something to do with it, but I was also at a point where my body was healthy again. I still don't eat any grains, dairy, sugar, or caffeine. Okay, I'll admit to the occasional Starbucks iced tea, but really it's like my only cheat. The last two years have been hard because my clothes fit differently, my body looks differently, and I feel differently about all of those things. This year, in September an image of me four years ago popped up in my time hop. It was right before I got my diagnosis that sent me to a grain free diet. When I look at the picture I can see that I look sick. My coloring, my hair, my arms. I posted it on Instagram compared to a recent picture of me. I'm thicker in the middle, my arms are bigger, and so are my hips, but my coloring is so much better. Not only that, I feel so much better and I'm happier in so many ways. These pictures were the first steps in accepting this new body. It was freeing to let this body shame go. I finally started to dress with more confidence, and soon I liked what I saw in the mirror again. It's been one of the best things I did in 2015.

I've written about resolutions and words to guide me through 2016, but these three things that I let go of last year have topped my best of 2015 list. Sometimes it's okay to quit the things that don't bring you joy. To give up the things that bring you hardships. Life is hard enough as it is, why keep doing those same things that bring you down? I'm looking forward to letting go of more of those little things in 2016. Cheers to being a quitter of things that are okay to quit... Or something like that!

Grab this button and link up!

Resolutions and stuff

I did something to start this year that I rarely do... I went back and read my "resolutions" blog post that kicked off 2015. I was kind of scared. Do any of us really stick to our resolutions? Do any of us keep working out or eating well past January 31st? I broke into a small sweat as I began to read my "resolutions", worried that I hadn't accomplished anything I'd hoped in 2015.

Guess what? Maybe I hadn't stuck to all of my "guns", but I did, for the most part live out that major resolution, that "one little word" I was hoping would guide me last year. You can read about finding my heart of flesh here, but today I'm going to talk about living out my word for 2015. Last year I picked "resolve". I wanted to have resolve in 2015, like a quote I had found that basically stated, "Resolve to let got of everything that isn't making your life better". Can I get an Amen to that? I ended my post last year with this,

"So that next year I'll look back and know, I did everything I could to make it count, with resolve"

I did that you guys. To the best of my knowledge I lived every bit of my life with resolve. I left that job, that no matter what I did, wasn't making me happy. Then I left another job that I knew was a mistake. I cut out a lot of fat and fluff so that I could make working part time work for us. I chose joy and hope and happiness more than I chose to wallow. I swear my 2014 word should have been "wallow", because as sad as it sounds, that mostly what I did. I knew that I had to make some serious attitude adjustments in 2015, and I'm so thankful that I did.

When I sat down to think about what I really wanted out of 2016, I kept going back to the same goal. I wanted to write. It seems every year, since I started this blog, my year resolution has included writing. This year especially it seems like writing is what my heart is demanding. While I was living 2015 with resolve, I was also living 2015 away from the keyboard. It's funny but I have little regret about that. There were days that I could have sat in front of my laptop or PC and hammered out some words, but they would have been forced. You would have noticed. There were days where I wrote my heart out, but never hit publish. It was just stuff, just words and nothing more. The truth is that most days, I was just living, with little to no thought about what was happening or not happening on this blog. So days passed, nothing was posted, and at some point I became okay with that. I posted 82 lonely posts in 2015, less than I did in 2011 (100) when I first started this blog, and way less than 2013 (234) when I felt my blog was at it's peak.

So this year my one resolution and my "one little word" is going to be WRITE. Just write. Write it all out. Type it, color it, use a marker or a crayon. I just want to be stringing words along, enough to wrap them around myself like the most comfortable blanket. I want to type, to make music with the pitter patter of the keys. I want to scribble in margins, use highlighters to make corrections, I want fingers stained with ink. I want to write and hit publish. I want to write and never publish. I just want to write. Everyday if possible, even if it's just a lonely sentence about what I ate today.

via Pinterest

I saw this quote the other day that said we don't need resolutions. It said that resolutions imply that there is continuously something wrong with who we are. As if to imply that something is wrong with how we live day to day. I can see that. Why do we feel the compulsion to change ourselves every January? On the flip side, to resolve to do better, to live better, to love better, can never be a bad thing. How can any resolution to make yourself feel better be a bad thing? Maybe resolutions are crap, and maybe picking a word every year is a dumb thing bloggers do to motivate their readers, but I'm doing it anyway. I'm picking a word, and I resolve to do more of that word. Even when I'm tired. Even when I'm busy. Even on February 1st, 2016, when all my friends have forgotten about the gym, the Whole 30 recipes, and the no screen time rules. I'm going to keep writing, even if I never hit that orange publish button that haunts me.

Because even bad writing is still writing.