I have my heart of flesh {2015 recap}

Hey now friends! Welcome to the Blogging Besties’ 2015: A Year in Review Link-Up Party! 
We are ready to show 2o16 who's the boss, but before we do, we want to give 2015 a proper send-off. The highs, the lows, the smiles, the tears, the trips, the holidays, the birthdays, the anniversaries, the babies…whatever it is that made 2015 special, we want to know about it! Grab a button, visit the hosts, and link up your post about what 2015 meant to you!

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Hosts: Kristine: The Foley Fam // Megan: Absolute Mommy // Kate: The Colbert Clan // Lena: Lena B, Actually // Renee: coffee-n-ink // Kara: Chasing Zoie // Laura: Bits of Sweetness // Kassi and Kayli: Kassarie & Kayliray
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I ended twenty fourteen raw and brokenhearted. I spent the year in a terrible place, filled with negativity and resentment. I was mad about so many things. Mad because I had to return to the workforce. Mad because I wasn't home on the weekends anymore. Mad because I missed my family. Mad because I was mad. Was I being a spoiled brat? Possibly. Was I a crybaby and a whiner? Probably. I realized at the end of twenty fourteen that I had taken advantage of all the blessings of the previous years. That I had never really appreciated or valued being a Stay at Home Mom. I had the privilege of being home with my kids, and I took it all for granted.

As twenty fourteen ended, quietly and melancholy, I was in search of something to lead me into the next year. I was searching for something, a quote, a word, an idea, that would take my negativity and renew me. One night, in early January, I came across this quote on Pinterest;

"I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; 
I will remove from you your heart of stone 
and give you a heart of flesh".
- Ezekiel 36:26

And it was perfect. It was exactly what I needed. So I began on that night to pray for my heart of flesh. I prayed for my new spirit, and I prayed that my heart of stone would be removed. Some night I prayed tearfully. Some nights I prayed joyously. But the biggest thing is that I prayed. Consistently, for probably the first time in my life.

I went back and read two posts from the end of last year, and I'll be honest they were tough to read. They brought fresh tears and sharp memories. Still, they were a reminder of how much changed in twenty fifteen. Not just my spirit, but my life as a whole. I learned so many new things about myself. I learned so many things about my children and motherhood, more lessons on marriage and being a wife. I welcomed the lessons, and I welcomed my new spirit. Today, when I set down to write this post, I realized, I found my heart of flesh. This prayer, my sometimes daily mantra, was answered in the most surprising of ways. My life didn't change instantly. My spirit wasn't renewed overnight. But my heart, my heart of stone is gone, and my heart of flesh beats strong.

Here are some of the things that renewed my spirit.

A New Year's spent with friends and family. Caitlin looking like a teenager on New Year's Eve. Losing teeth, and Mac's zombie face. Nerd glasses. Fresno State Basketball games. Fro-Yo with Grams.
A Valentine's Day for the record books, complete with champagne and a night away from home. Selfies and Girl Scout cookies. Best Friends that moved away, but still feel like they never left. Emoji candies for cupcakes.

The Hubbs on a Merry Go Round with Mac. Pedis with my girls. Shopping at Forever 21 because it's Caitlin's favorite. Turning thirty-seven. Lunches and dinners out with my family. Mac's little face. Selfies with the Hubbs.

Mac turned five! John and I celebrated TEN years of marriage!! Spring Break and Easter parties. Fun with the Hubbs and of course more fro-yo after school. Trips to Monterey. Donuts at school.
Finding a restaurant in town that makes gluten free pancakes!

Friends that feel like family. Finding your tribe. Taking #ootd pictures and no one laughs at you. Driving my girls to Southern California solo, for the first time and surviving!

The happiest place on Earth for so many reasons. Seeing Disneyland through the eyes of my children. Riding Dumbo and It's a Small World like it was the first time. Selfies everywhere. Breakfast with Mickey and Friends. Pictures in the tea cups. The Cars ride at Night! Caitlin's adventure with Peter Pan. Celebrating 60 years of Disney with one Magical Trip!

Caitlin turned eight! Summer finally arrived so we could sleep in late. I started a new job that allowed me to be more present. Mac graduated from preschool. Caitlin's birthday party at the movies with eight friends. And my girl Jess moved back to the neighborhood.

Fourth of July fun. Date days to see Trainwrecked. More fro-yo because it was over 100 degrees. Selfies and movie dates. A days spent in Monterey, enjoying cooler temps, sweatshirts, and gluten free cinnamon rolls. Yes! GF cinnamon rolls!!



Saying goodbye to summer vacation. Starting dance again. Mac lost a tooth, but still found time to fall asleep on my chest. Finding out our class room assignments and celebrating with Starbucks! First day of school, third grade and kindergarten!

Tailgates and School Spirit days. Walking little sister to class in the morning. Running with my neighbor and achieving new personal records.
My parents wedding anniversary. Sundays spent at home. Bliss.

Changing our Halloween costumes last minute. Red Ribbon dress up days. School picture day out takes and more tailgating. The Hubbs had his class reunion and
I got dressed up and found some body confidence along the way.


Family pictures and game day selfies. My bestie at home for a visit. Movies with grandma. Donuts with dad. Shopping at Walmart for Thanksgiving and Paleo legal chocolate chip cookies. Having your bloggy bestie show up at your work! Going to grab breakfast in our jammies, because Sundays. Sundays are my favorite.


A season that always ends too quickly. Kinder Christmas programs. Shopping with my mama like the old days. Enough gingerbread reindeer for an entire fleet. Selfies with my Grandpa. Date nights to go to holiday parties. Baking cookies again and again with little hands ready to decorate. Hot cocoa stands in the driveway. Dance recitals with fancy make up.
Buddy the elf made an appearance, and Ellie the new elf came to stay.


I ended twenty fourteen with a heart of stone, and today I'm sure that there was good reason for that. At the time, I was just too heartbroken to notice. I've always believed in the power of prayer, but for others. The others that go to church every Sunday, for those with unwavering faith. Twenty fifteen taught me so many things, but the biggest was my renewed spirit, my heart of flesh. That I was capable of prayer, and worthy of the power it had. For someone who doesn't worship in a specific place, twenty fifteen now holds a powerful statement about faith and grace.

Because all I wanted was a renewed spirit. All I wanted was a heart of flesh. 

I have my heart of flesh. 

Happy New Year. 



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17 comments:

  1. Love you friend! So happy I could share this year with you - no matter if we were face-to-face or by text. Tribe life forever��

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    1. Yes queen! Tribe forever! I'm so looking forward to Elevate again!

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  2. I'm so glad that you had a much better 2015! And it was great to finally meet you at Elevate!

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    1. It was wonderful to meet you too! Hope to see you again at Elevate 2016. And thank you! I enjoyed every bit of 2015!

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  3. Always an inspiration, girl! 2015 was tough on me, and this post sums up how I want to start my 2016!! Love ya! Happy New Year!

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    1. Thanks friend! So happy to see your comment. My 2014 was super hard, so I really tried to embrace all of 2015! Have a great year!

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  4. I loved this review. It was so great seeing the highlights and seeing how much difference a year makes. I'm inspired by this. I need to start celebrating the good stuff more often.

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    1. I made a commitment last year to celebrate the good stuff even if I was tired or not in the mood. My 2014 was so hard that I really tried to find all the light in 2015. One year makes so much difference and I'm really looking forward to 2016! Happy New Year!

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  5. I am so happy to know that your 2015 turned out to be amazing, just as you deserve. Happy New Year! 2016 is going to be even better than 2015!

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    1. Happy 2016 to you as well. It was so great to meet you at Elevate!

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  6. I love this because you made a resolution and KEPT IT! I'm trying not to be cynical when I see everyone's goals for 2016, so thanks for showing me that they can actually be successful!

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    1. It blew my mind to really see that I actually kept a resolution. I'm getting ready to write my "one word" post for this year and realize that I kept my "one word" for last year as well. I feel like if you commit yourself to a feeling or an idea, it's much easier to keep. Those hard, "I'm not going to eat sugar all year" commitments are for the birds! Happy 2016! Love ya!

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  7. Amen to all the above girl! So happy 2015 brought you what you needed. Cheers to a happy 2016! Sure do love ya!

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    1. I love you too! I'm headed over to read all the recaps now! Thanks for organizing this link up! It's been so much fun!

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  8. It was interesting to read about your change in attitude and then see the happiness-filled photos from each month. Best wishes in 2016!

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    1. Best wishes for you too! I really did change my attitude in 2015, and I also really put myself out there. That was a little scary for me. Thanks for stopping by and reading!

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  9. I love all of your photos in this post! Your family is adorable and you are still one of my favorite people to follow in a e-stalkerish way. Happy New Year, my love!

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