Intentional Living: February is the new January

I'm writing this on what feels like the 93rd day of January. It's actually the 30th, but it really does feel like the 93rd. I'm not the only one who feels this way according to all the memes I've seen on social media. It only took me the first week of January to realize that there was no way I was going to motivate or tackle any "resolutions" in January. The month was already off to a less than stellar start, but it also felt like it had been January for a month. It was probably the 8th. 

Ringing in the new year often mean ringing in bigger expectations, loftier goals, and big life changes. The "last 90 days" and the "first 90 days" are real things that trend on Instagram and Twitter. Endless lists gift us with the knowledge on how to be better, live better, and feel better. All in, what feels like, the longest month of the year.

I don't know about other moms, but my kids didn't even go back to school until the second week of the month. We all know that those weeks of winter break don't count. There is no meal schedule or bedtime schedule. Sleeping in is supreme. Meal planning does not exist. Why in the world would anyone start Whole 30 or Dry January when the kids are still home and chaos reigns? 

The week my kids went back to school was a blur of school and dance and some things I volunteered for when January was over a month away. Up was down, left was right and I'm pretty sure we ate chicken nuggets for dinner more than once. As I scrolled my life away before I fell asleep, I felt like a failure because I still had not started or given a thought to resolutions or goals. I was living "new year, same me", and honestly it didn't fee great. I was procrastinating, and I wasn't proud.

Then I realized something, a bit of self actualization. I need to ease into change. Sure, I'm an over-reactor, an overachiever, I'm the mom who yells; but when it comes to life changes, I'm a coward. I do not like change. I resist, like a toddler, feet stomping and flailing on the floor, or something close to it. This realization mid-month helped me realize that I would have to slowly ease into the new year. I realized I could take the month of January to plan, feel out my bad habits I wanted to change, decide on what I wanted to take on as far as goals go. My goals rarely change, but the way I face them has to if I'm ever going to be successful. Which led me to the next realization...

February is the shortest month of the year, and therefore the best month for resolutions.

I've decided that February is the new January.

Hear me out. 

February is only 28 days, usually, this year it's 29, but isn't that better than 31? A shorter month makes it that much easier to meet your goals. Whole 30 becomes Whole 29 this year. Taking a few days off your monthly gym schedule sounds nice, and makes it that much easier to meet your goal. Twenty eight seems like such a nice number, and honestly who is going to know if you use the 29th as a day to celebrate all the good and change you've made in your life this month. Leap year has never sounded so good. 

February is obviously the best month to change your life. 

I was talking to my friend yesterday and told her as much. She told me she was unmotivated and I said of course you are, it's January. All the shine and glitter of New Years Eve was swept up with New Years day, and after that there is nothing shiny about January. I'm sorry. My husband's birthday is in January and even he doesn't want to celebrate it. Well that has more to do with getting older than it being January, but details matter little here. The point is, January is only fresh for about a week, and then everyone wants it to be over. 

If I'm honest, I love the new year, it's freshness, the motivating quotes I pin or post on social media. I love the promise of the new and unknown. I love the anticipation of what's to come. Still, somewhere along the way, I find myself unmotivated and sluggish. I don't think I'm alone in this.

Years ago I gave up making resolutions. They just made me feel bad. A resolution means a firm decision, and those make me anxious. Not meeting a resolution feels like failing. Goals feel more my speed. Goal means "the object of ambition", or a "desired result". Goals can happen and evolve all year. Goals feel like they can change. I found this image on Pinterest and it made total and complete sense to me. They seem attainable and allow for growth. 

Quote Hub on Pinterest

Break a Bad Habit:

My bad habit is a constant struggle for me. I don't wash my make up off before bed. I already know what you're thinking. Every glam/fashion/women's magazine will tell you that not washing your make up off before bed will age your skin. That is why every year it's a goal of mine, and more so this year now that I'm over 40. You guys, I'm over 40!

Learn a New Skill:

This is to be determined. Yoga sounds great. Learning to make macrons sounds even better. If I'm honest it may be as simple as creating a budget and sticking to it. Did you hear that thump? That was my husband passing out in the background.

Do a Good Deed:

Random acts of kindness are my jam. Good deeds come in all shapes and sizes. I'm looking forward to this one, and am open to suggestions.

Visit a New Place:

I'm not sure how this one is going to happen. Traveling that isn't centered around school or dance is rarely on my agenda. Hopefully on one of those trips we will be able to make it to a place unknown that I've never happened upon before. 

Read a Difficult Book:

I actually just read one. A book that is very well loved, but wasn't really loved by me. That seems like cheating, so I'm hoping to read another Jane Austen or Emily Bronte. I find that these are harder for me to read because of the language. Years ago, on this very blog one of my goals for the year was to read Pride and Prejudice. I did it and I wasn't only proud of myself, I was disappointed that it took me so long. I haven't decided on a book yet. I'll keep you posted.

Write and Send a Letter:

If you follow me on Instagram you may realize that I posted this goals graphic on January 1st. This goal stuck with me the most. I've always loved writing and sending letters or cards. With the hours (and I'll be honest it is hours, and I'm working on that too) I spend on social media, sending a letter made me notice how out of touch I've been with some people in my life. I love getting my birthday wishes on Facebook as much as the next girl, but getting a card in the mail makes me incredibly happy. This month I did tackle this goal, and sent three cards to three friends. They loved it and I loved it. I'm hoping to meet this particular goal every month.

Face a Fear:

I'm currently doing this now. Writing on this blog, is tackling one of my fears. I let this piece of my life lapse and get away from me. I let writing get away from me. The fear comes from not inhabiting this space for so long, and allowing myself to come back without any expectations. For years I wrote in this space for the feedback and camaraderie. I'm here now writing for me, sharing because I need it. For my mental health and stability. I've left this space blank for too long, and I'm trying to overcome my fears of basically starting this blog over from almost scratch.

Try Something New:

Yoga. Macrons. Writing Fiction to actually share. Not sure what this will be, but I'm looking forward to it. 

Take a Risk:

Risk means exposing yourself to danger or loss. Whether it's physically or emotionally, I'm not sure what kind of risk I want to take. When I figure it out I'll let you know.

All these goals to say, it's okay if it's January 93rd and you haven't reached a single goal or tackled a single resolution. If your goals or challenges look different than your friends on social media, that's okay too. Now you have the secret, the key to a successful 2020, maybe even the key to life. 

Start on February 1st. 

February is the new January. Your welcome.

Intentional Living: Part One Year End

I ended 2019 in an actual fog of gratitude and grief. The year itself hadn't been all bad, and was poised to end on a high. I was happy and content. I had survived the transition into middle school with my tween. I had just about made it through the holidays. I was ready to have that Holly Jolly Christmas I hear about on the radio. 

Two days before Christmas my beloved grandmother had a massive stroke. Catastrophic is what her doctor called it, and within hours my family and extended family was navigating a huge loss. I did my best to keep it together for my children, who honestly were more concerned with Santa finding us if we traveled on Christmas Eve. It wasn't easy and I found myself constantly repeating "grandmas dying" in my head, as if I wasn't completely drowning in that thought already. 

Those days between Christmas and New Year's, the days that most of us hibernate, were spent reflecting on my year. I spent hours on social media reading articles to jump start the year. Not because I'm of the "new year, new me" mindset, but somewhere I was hoping to find some motivation. What did I want to do with my brand new year? Who did I want to become? Everything I read didn't feel right, didn't exactly fit well. Until I stumbled upon this article about ending the year intentionally. 

It's easy to be blinded on all the folks on social media with their "New Year New Me" diets and work out regimens. The multiple posts about being your best self, building your best self, finally taking chances. I wasn't ready to "bet on me" or "do the things that scare me". I really needed to reflect and find some clarity while I was so overwhelmed with grief. It helped me examine the last year with new eyes and find some good when I was feeling so bad. 

10 Questions to end 2019 Intentionally (These questions are totally paraphrased. Please visit the article for the real deal.)

What makes this year unforgettable?

Obviously the standout was my grandmother dying at the close of 2019. Just writing it in my notebook made it so real, but also opened me up. I was able to think about other things that made the past year unforgettable. I stayed married. You can laugh all you want but every year I stay married is a victory in my book. The Husband and I have had some hard years in the last part of the decade. Closing this year and decade married was a success in my view. My girls grew and thrived. They danced more, and enjoyed themselves so much. Caitlin completed elementary school and went on to middle school. There were so many changes and then when I think about it not that many. Our trip to Disneyland was pretty amazing too, so I'll add that. 

What did I enjoy doing this year?

Going gray. Honestly letting my hair grow in it's new natural color was liberating. I've been trying to cover my gray hair consistently since I was in my 20s. I was at the point that I needed to touch up my roots every three to four weeks, I just couldn't do it anymore. I gave myself six weeks to let it grow and decide if it was the right thing for me. I spent countless hours on Instagram looking at the SilverSisters hashtag. I'll admit, it was rough at first, people asked a lot of questions, it seemed shocking for someone my age (41 by the way) to not cover their roots. Finding the right mix of shampoos and conditioners helped. After years of using boxed dyes, my hair was so damaged, it was starting to fall out. The best part of the entire thing? I wasn't hiding anymore. I was constantly preoccupied with covering my roots. Every big event, every photo taken, I worried that my roots were showing. So I gave up, and set myself free. It has been the best thing I've done for myself in years. The added perk? I get compliments on it all the time. To the point that I've been asked for my colorist's number twice!

Who/What am I grateful for?

My health. My family. My friends. I am surrounded by amazing people. I'm so grateful for them.

Biggest Win this year?

I made it. Emotionally. Financially. It seems simple, but these are two of my biggest stressors. 

What did I read/watch/listen?

Read: Daisy Jones and the Six by Taylor Jenkins Reid. Summer of '69 by Elin Hilderbrand. One Day in December by Josie Silver. All excellent. Daisy Jones is written in a way that as a writer was inspiring. Summer of '69 was such a fun read and had some historical elements that I loved. Plus I'll read whatever Elin Hilderbrand writes, so... I read one day in December last January. It was the first book I read last year. It was everything you love about Holiday Rom-Coms. If you love Nancy Myers, you will love this book. 

Watch: The Handmaids Tale, which, as always, was thought provoking, infuriating, and completely engaging at the same time. Elisabeth Moss is everything. The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel is so well written and incredibly funny that I'm convinced that Amy Sherman Palladino is too good for us. Plus the ensemble cast cannot be beat! Side note: I binged watched the West Wing last year. I think I was the last person on Earth my age who had never seen it. I'm not going to lie, I loved it with my whole heart. I cried almost every episode, and it made me yearn for 90s politics, and I never thought I'd say or type that!

Listen: Lizzo and Bille. There were no others. 

What impact did these read/watch/listen selections have on you? 

What is fantastic about reading, watching, and listening, is that they essentially doing the same thing, telling a story. The books I read last year inspired me to write, but also inspired me to really listen and engage in the stories being told. The shows I watched were not just entertaining but thought provoking. The Handmaids Tale remains the scariest thing on television! Lizzo showered me and my daughters in girl power. I am constantly surrounding myself with pop culture, because it's always an inspiration. 

What did I worry about the most? How did it turn out?

Money. I'm constantly worried about money. Which is funny because my husband's long running household chore is being in charge of the bills. Still, every swipe, every withdraw for "dance" incidentals, makes me sweat. It always turns out fine, but it will always give me anxiety.

Biggest Regret?

Before December 23rd, my answer would have been completely different. I would have said not submitting any of my writing. I would have said not writing and blogging more. But now, as I start 2020 it's not spending enough time with my grandma. I regret not calling her more. I regret never getting her life story down on paper. There are many regrets at this time.

What is the 1 thing I changed about myself?

As I said before, my hair. It changed me emotionally as well as physically. It helped me embrace aging. The old commercial about "growing old gracefully"? Well they didn't mention that you'd have to be graceful emotionally as well. That's been harder than the physical part.

What surprised me the most?

That 2019 closed A DECADE. Ten years. I didn't even realize it until all those "Last 90 days" posts on social media. So many incredible, heartbreaking, mind numbing, brave, ugly, happy, sad things happened in the last 10 years. I changed as a person multiple times. I became a mom of two in the last decade. I went back to work, quit, and then went back again. I became a blogger and a writer. I grew into motherhood. I grew into my marriage. I stumbled and got back up again. So much life was lived in what did not seem like ten years. 

If I could go back to January 1st, 2019 what would I suggest to myself?

Call Grandma Now. Write every day, even when it hurts. Exercise in any way, walking is still moving. Take more pictures, your Instagram is looking sad girl! Be easy on yourself, it has never been about perfection. LOVE, LOVE, LOVE. 

After years of neglecting this space, I'm thankful if you found your way back and had a look around. I'm hoping to visit this space more often in the coming year.