More Frozen BS

*** This post is not meant to be serious. It was written with the intent to make you laugh. Please do not proceed if you are offended by the "eff" word and other words like it. Also I use the word douche bag in this post. My apologies if I have already offended you***

I know that I've already written two posts about the Disney movie Frozen. It's no secret that we love all things Frozen in this house, including the message that it sends to little girls. Positive role models for kids are important no matter who you are, but me, I'm a women's libber at heart and so the idea that a girl forgoes the guy and saves her sister before she saves herself is more than just an act of empowerment. It's a friggen social movement.

The other day someone on my Facebook feed shared a video of a woman on some talk show ranting about Frozen. A woman. Her biggest complaint was that Frozen puts boys and men in a terrible light. It depicts them as stupid and inept and how can we as a culture "empower women" while "emasculating men"?

And with that I turned into a feminist riot-grrl. Ranting and raving and almost throwing my iPhone in a frenzy of: Are you effing kidding me? Does this woman even have a vagina? What kind of bullshit is this?

The Hubbs looked at me like I was crazy?

I'm sorry but has she not been participating in the world since I don't know, nineteen hundred and always**? **this is a John Stewart/Daily show joke

Then when I calmed down and thought about it, I was able to form a different opinion. Maybe it's not so rational, but we are talking about a cartoon here, and even if I may have taken said cartoon a little too seriously in the past, I'm going to lighten the mood here. Frozen does not emasculate men. Not for one minute. What is does do, is show little girls who will grow up into Empowered Women, what an asshole looks like.

Hear me out.

Prince Hans of the Southern Assholes seems like a real stand up guy. At their "meet cute" he saves Anna from what will sure be her drowning since I'm sure she never learned to swim locked up in that castle all those years. He doesn't even get mad that he then gets drenched when she leaves, and that Anna may or may not finish his sandwiches. I mean, he looks like a guy who really cares about his turkey and swiss foot long. He basically falls in love with Anna during a song where they do the robot which hasn't even been invented yet, and he wants to marry her on the spot. This is classic Disney: handsome stranger who knows nothing about you and your seedy past, falls in love with you at first sight and proposes marriage. This is why we (us gals) all grow up with the Cinderella complex, we just think that some handsome stranger is going to walk up to us in a bar and say, "Will you marry me?". At this point though, who cares, Anna has found her handsome prince, and has not a single care in the world. Which is wonderful considering Anna has no game in the love/relationship department after growing up in said locked castle. Thanks to Hans, she won't even need an profile, which also hasn't been invented yet.

Prince Hans further promotes himself as "Suitor Number One" by promising to watch the kingdom while Anna has to find her sister, Elsa, who upon losing her temper has frozen the entire kingdom in an eternal winter. Which if I may point out is totally Anna's fault. So we leave Hans feeling good about Anna's decision. Wondering how the other dude, who we saw in the previews is going to fit into this situation. Because that other dude is on his way and somehow we know he is going to throw a wrench in this love story.

Enter Kristoff. Disney's blue collar man. Look, if ever there was a blue collar profession in the world of Disney, it's the Ice Man. Hard working with strong arms (no one will ever mention Prince Han's arms), he smells like the woods and reindeer and probably the Marlboro's that he smokes behind the Trading Post. He too seems like a stand up guy, since he agrees to the demands of a total stranger who claims to be a princess. She doesn't even show ID or anything and he just says, sure let me take you too the coldest fricking place in the land. No problem. He likes to joke with her and calls her crazy for getting engaged in twelve hours or less. He seems fun and adventurous, but hold on... He's an ice man and that Prince guy who is holding down the fort, er castle for you, he's the guy. He's a prince and so handsome and well obviously the better choice.

Until, as we all know, Prince Hans turns out to be a fucking douche bag.

Prince Hans is a gold digger, and as he begins to show his true colors, somewhat homicidal. He is a liar and a cheat and is perfectly happy with letting Anna die alone cold and heartbroken. What a dick.

This is not emasculating. This is shedding light on some men that really exist in the world. Perhaps I've never come in contact with any that have homicidal tendencies, but I've met plenty of assholes in my day. And if just once Disney movie would have said, "Listen up, this could happen to you!", I would have been all, "Oh shit, not all fairy tales have happy endings?". Maybe I wouldn't have planned my wedding against a Cinderella backdrop at age six. Maybe I would have said fuck it, I'll save myself, before worrying about a true loves kiss.

Can't we also argue that showing little girls everywhere that the Ice Man (Kristoff) is a solid choice is good for business too? Especially if it's love. That Ice Man loves that Princess,  yet I'm sure if her parents were still alive they would say Hell to the No, because he is just an ice man. So the fuck what? He's going to give Anna a good life, filled with love, cute kids, and lots of reindeer. Anna will probably move him into the castle, and she will be the bread winner and damn if that ain't good for empowering women too. And it's not emasculating Kristoff, it's bring his ass, and all our asses into the Millennial. Finally.

Bottom line Frozen is my favorite right now. I have daughters and they should know that the Prince isn't always right, the hard working Ice Man may very well be the man of your dreams, and for the love of GOD save your sister and yourself before you let some guy do your heavy lifting. Unless you want him to do your heavy lifting, then by all means girl, let him. It's your choice. It's always your choice.

I get that not everyone is going to love the empowerment that is going to be inspired by Frozen. Smart women are scary. Ask a smart woman, she will tell you. Someone is always going to have a problem with new. But I honestly think that Frozen will be one of those movies where in thirty years my grand kids are going to say, "Well duh, of course she saves her sister". Because the woman saving the day will be so common, we won't even question the ramifications of it.


  1. Ain't that the damn truth. Some Princes are dicks (Frozen) and sometimes the Prince is, well, a Prince (Cinderella). Thanks Disney for both. We women will watch both and will always choose love. We weren't playing talk shit to your man as kids, we were playing falling in love. Regardless, we are going to learn with our brains and our hearts and no Disney movie will stand in our way.

  2. I lost all faith in the human race when a talk show, possibly the same one you are referring to, claimed Frozen was glorifying bestiality and lesbians. Which makes me wonder if these wackos ever even saw the movie?? Perhaps they received another copy in the mail such as "Frozen Down Under," or "Let i go all over my face." (I had too. lol). WTH? I mean first of all, if bestiality now means loving and caring for your pet then damn, half of us are guilty. I mean, love my kitty cats. Secondly, lesbians? Really, we have to throw that card again.... Not to mention, they are sisters, so who's the sicko now.

    I agree with everything you wrote here. It was an excellent message and a much needed laugh. Why people cant just be this logical amazes me.