About Friendships {Three Things Thursday two twentyfour}


New year. New me. New you. New goals. One major goal this year is to engage this wonderful blogging community better. What better way than to begin a new link up with some blog friends! Together, the three of us came up with Three Things Thursday. Just three things to talk or write about. Five seemed like too many and "one thing" was like we weren't even trying! So any three things that are on your mind. Any three pictures from Instagram. Three complaints about your day/week. Three of your favorite treats. Seriously. Any three things! So write it. Publish it. Yell it from the mountain tops! 
Just be sure you come back and link it up here!

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Absolute Mommy

Today we welcome Kara from Chasing Zoie. Here you will find Kara traveling by land or sea, living the life of a blogger with style, and taking the occasional selfie.
Find her on Instagram as @chasingzoie.



This week I'm talking about friendship. Friendship takes on a different life when you are an adult. I have friends in my life that I've known since I was a teenager. I have friends that I've had since college. I have friends that I've met via blogging. I have friends that live in my neighborhood. My mix of friends is incredibly diverse, the only constant being that I share some kind of bond with them. Sometimes my friends are a byproduct of motherhood. Sometimes the kinship was created out of similar goals in blogging land. Some of my friendships stumbled upon me, right place, right time. I find that these days, having strong friendships in adulthood is important. It's also important to know how to keep those friends, starting with how you can be a good friend.

Here are three things I've learned about being a friend.

One: Friendly vs. Friends
I can't take the credit for this one. This is all based on a conversation I had with my best friend Krysten. Recently I lost hold of a friendship. I went through all the stages of grief, but still in the end, I really didn't understand why this friendship had withered. Was I really that horrible of a friend? What was my fault in all of this mess? Krysten of course had the best answer:

"There is a big difference between being "Friends" and being "Friendly".

Whoa. She's right. Perhaps what I took as "friendship", was really just two people being friendly. The relationship and the conversation with Krysten gave me pause. Are we ever really aware of the other person's motivation when they come to the friendship table? How can we be sure we are both giving and receiving of the relationship? Perhaps we can't, but in the future I will ask myself, "Is this person my friend, or are they just being "friendly".

Two: It, whatever "it" is, doesn't matter
If your friend loves you and is loyal to you, then nothing else matters. Friendship has this air of unconditionality (probably not a real word, but screw it). No matter what, you love that friend, and vice versa. A few weeks ago, in a pow wow session with some friends (real ones) I said that I was "faulty". My quick to judge attitude, my hot headed-ness, my big mouth; those are all of my faults. I can't change them, not now anyway, I'm almost forty. But in that conversation, a good friend reminded me that I'm not faulty, they (my friends) accept me this way, and they still love me. In fact it's sometimes what they love about me. That's friendship. You love anyway. It doesn't matter that one friend stays home with the kids and the other works. It doesn't matter that you like rap music and the other loves country. It doesn't matter that you have never seen an episode of the Kardashians and I still haven't read Vonnegut (personally speaking). Whatever the case may be, if they are your friend, your true friend, it doesn't matter.

I still haven't read Vonnegut. She still loves me anyway.

Three: There are no expiration dates
Last week I went to an event for the alumna of my sorority. Many of the women that showed up were in my pledge class, and it was like time had never passed. Sure we are older, more harried than our 18-22 year old selves. Some of us hadn't seen each other in years, but it was as if we all lived in that same big ol' house, sharing one giant bathroom, listening to stories of boys and booze while curling our hair. I was sad to realize that we weren't all going home, to the same house to talk on the stairs for the rest of the night.
Delta Zeta Pledge Class Fall 1996
This week, my best friend from high school text to say that the Cure will be playing at Shoreline in Mountain View. Tickets on the lawn are super affordable. That we should go and see the Cure together. Because after almost 18 years, the idea of seeing the Cure, at Shoreline on a blanket, like we are seventeen again, compelled her to text. And compels me to rearrange my life and go with her. After all the time in between the years of being best friends, I can't imagine a better date to see the Cure. Because after all this time, it would be weird for one of us to go without the other.

This week is also my Best Friends one year anniversary in her new home. I'm still sad when I realize she's no longer across town, and going to meet at Starbucks for overpriced coffee isn't going to happen. I miss her, but only by touch. We talk or text daily. We don't get to spend long hours blabbing on the phone, but sometimes we don't need to. We have this incredible shorthand, developed over the years. One year later and not much has changed. We still text about Scandal and laundry and our husbands. We still make time to talk, plying our kids with candy and Netflix. We still pretend that she is just on the other side of town because some days the truth is too hard.

The thing is, friendships don't expire. Even when you think too much time has passed, it hasn't. Send that text. Pick up the phone. Buy that card you saw that screams that one persons name who you miss. Because friendships have no expiration dates.




I hope you join us today and link up. Just three things about your day, your week, or your life. It's the easiest blog post you will ever write. Promise.





2 comments:

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  2. It's hard to see friendships go. That quote is so true. So very true. Thank goodness we aren't any less of US by who we are friends with (or not). It just takes time to see that sometimes.

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