Confirmation

Sometimes we need a little confirmation.  We need that pat on the back, head nod, or smile that confirms that we are doing good.  That we are a success.  This has become much more important now that I'm a mom.

As moms I think we need that confirmation from each other.  We need to know that our other mom friends think we are doing a great job.  Heck, we don't even need our mom friends to say, I'd take a head nod or smile from that other mom in the grocery store with a screaming toddler.  Just to know I'm not alone.  Just to know that SHE knows I'm doing my very best.  My bloggy friend Lacee over at Mommas Like Me touched on this a little last week.  Read about it here.  I was so glad that she did.  As mothers we need to support each other more, and judge each other less.

That brought me to this weeks inspiration. 

Sunday night while on Twitter (my new obsession) I saw a tweet from a new mom, and by new I mean like less than 6 weeks.  She was tweeting about the tears lost over breastfeeding.  Her baby's and hers.  In that moment I froze.  I was that mom almost five years ago.  I was that bleary eyed, sleep deprived new mom, that just couldn't get my baby to latch.  And it was the end of my mommy-ing pride.  To say that it crushed me would be to put it lightly.  So I did what I wished someone would have done for me in my post partum haze.  I told her: 
You are an excellent Mother! 
You are doing the best job you can do. 
That baby loves you no matter what obstacles you both face. 
YOU ARE DOING A GREAT JOB.
(or something like this)

Because she needed to know that even if her baby had to take a bottle, it was going to be just fine.  Her baby was going to grow up just as healthy and loved as all the other breastfed babies.  She needed to know that there should be no guilt and no shame, in admitting that the boobs just aren't working.  She needed to know that this should not break her.  That this one hiccup in motherhood should not set the tone for motherhood. 

I wish someone would have told me that on that night almost five years ago.

So I did.  I told her. 

And it got me thinking.  About what a momma really wants to hear.  I may be wrong, but I'd like a little confirmation.  So I'm saying it here.

I want confirmation.  I want to know that it's ok that today, I folded laundry, but it didn't get put away.  I want to know that grilled cheese is a totally acceptable dinner, possibly three nights a week.  I want to know that fighting with my four year old is par for the course first thing in the morning.  I want to know that I'm just like you, and her, and those other moms.  I want confirmation.

Confirmation that what I'm doing is ok.  That what I'm doing is incredible, as long as it's the right thing for me.

I want confirmation.

I got that confirmation.  Just in time when I was a new mom.  It changed me.  It changed everything.  Confirmation that I was doing just fine, made me believe I was doing just fine. 

Confirmation is simple.  Little words that have a huge impact.

Next time that new mom is beating herself up about sleep cycles, breast vs. bottle, or co-sleeping, give her confirmation.  Don't hand her a book.  Don't tell her to call La Leche Leauge.  Tell her it's fine.  She's doing a great job.  Tell her she's an excellent mother.

That mom with the four year old losing their *s* over Rockstar Barbie in Target, give her a nod, a smile, an I've been there confirmation.  Don't give her a side eyed glance.  Don't ask if it's nap time.  If she tells you it's nap time, say "We have those days".

That mom who just bought McDonald's after swearing last night was the last night of the week for fast food.  She needs a little confirmation too.  Confirmation that her "mom" card isn't up for suspension.  That you know late nights always equal early mornings.  That tomorrow can be vegetable day.

All moms will be so thankful, and you just might change the course of their day, or their life.

Sometimes we just need a little confirmation.

Happy Blogging,
Megan
Linking up with this beautiful momma.
Go check out here amazing post here!
Photobucket

19 comments:

  1. LOVE LOVE LOVE this post. We need that confirmation constantly! Mothering is hard work. This is a great post, lady!

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  2. Oh my gosh. I LOVE this post -- everything about it! It is okay that you did laundry & didn't put it away & grilled cheese is definitely okay three nights a week!! You are doing the best you can & your kids can see that. You are a wonderful momma!! =D

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  3. love this post, and I've been there too! momma's need to be more supportive of each other!

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  4. Love it! And its so true. A little bit of "atta mommy" is good news for everyone.

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  5. What a wonderful post. We, as mothers, should tell each other these things more often. It's so easy to get lost in your little world, or to feel judged for everything you do. Really, we are just doing the best we can, and that is ok. You are a wonderful mother! And so am I! :)

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  6. Still laughing about losing their s*** over rockstar barbie at Target, hahaha. All funniness aside though, you are right. Support is better than judgement.

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  7. I may not be a mommy yet, but for some reason I can see myself being a mommy that will need confirmation and this said exactly what mommy's DO WANT and NEED TO HEAR!
    Thanks for posting!
    Continue to DO YOUR BEST, we all know you are ;)

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  8. i love this post! in answer to your questions...my kids ate pb&j for dinner one night this week, i have had a pile of laundry on my bedroom floor for 4 days, and my 5 and 6 year olds have had quite a few fights with me...do thank you for posting! you are doing an amazing job!

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  9. LOVE this and LOVE YOU!! Girl where were you 6 years ago when I cried for nearly 2 months straight about not being able to breastfeed my son?? While I was getting the stank eye from everyone and their brother about going with a bottle?? You are wonderful for being encouraging to that mother! Oh and yes grilled cheese IS considered dinner in this house too :) Thanks so much for the shout out my dear...I'll be sharing this too :)

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  10. This is a beautiful post! Loved the breastfeeding confirmation. I was that same Mom 12 years ago when my first wouldn't latch. No one said anything encouraging to me and looked down on me for having so many problems with it. I pumped my milk for 1 year, yes you read that right, 1 year. It was so unenjoyable, and I felt rejected by my daughter and like a failure. Would have been really nice to have someone say something nice to me and confirm that I was still a great Mom, like you did for that new Mom on Twitter. Kind words mean so much. Great post :)

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  11. I shared this on my blog page. Thanks for the reminder. So many of us have been in that exact spot. It's ubelievable how much words or affirmation can change someone's whole outlook on their situation. Let's not forget to build each other up.

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  12. This is an awesome post Megan! So many mom's deserve confirmation, not to be put down or to put themselves down. I have days where I totally need confirmation. But you, from what I read are a good mom, you're doing what you need to do!

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  13. stumbled onto your blog and just wanted to show some blog luv! def enjoyed this post!

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  14. What a wonderful post! As a mother of 4 and a grandmother of 5 I know how important confirmation is. My children are doing so wonderful as parents, but it is good to hear. I hope they know how good they are doing. You have brought wonderful words to mothers everywhere. Thank you.

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  15. OMG, so glad to hear it! Taco Bell for dinner...feeling like a loser mom... We should definitely be more affirming of one another! I gave my oldest a bottle when he was 2 weeks old, b/c he was still at his birth weight and I felt like such a failure... The Doctor even told me to wait..but I was so afraid he was going to dehydrate! Lovely, lovely post!

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  16. We are all in need of more confirmation and less judging. We are all the same, even in our own different ways. Nothing about motherhood is perfect and we are all going through the same challenges. Confirmation is exactly what we need. I love this post!!

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  17. Megan
    What a fantastic post. I'm not a mom but I have enough mommy friends to know exactly what you're saying. You put it so beautifully.

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  18. I discovered this blog a week or so ago. Since then I just became a new mommy. Within the week I've struggled with my new little man and breastfeeding. I can pump just fine, but he won't latch. The feeding specialists keep telling me its my fault, that I'm too stressed, that my milk may not be right and that I'm eating all the wrong things. No matter what I do, nothing seems to help. I've been quite discouraged.

    Last night I came across this blog post and it brought me to tears because I felt like someone was finally talking to me. I felt like this post was dedicated to my situation and for once, I felt like someone understands.

    Thank you for this blog post. It was seriously something I needed to see.

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