Dear Working Moms


Dear Working Moms,

I'm writing you today to apologize. I want to apologize for all the times I complained about being home all day with my stinking kids, who quite literally stunk like spit up and poop. For all the times my problems were supposed to be the only problems. For all the times I complained about all the running around I had to do, pick up, drop off, this and that. I apologize now, because I had no idea.

It's been a year since I returned to the workforce. A long, hard, troublesome year. A full year of me never having my shit together. I feel like such an asshole because I thought I knew. I thought I had an idea of what it was all going to be like. I thought I was at a place in my life where that challenge wasn't going to be so much of a challenge. I was so very wrong.

I'm so sorry I never realized that the guilt never goes away. I'm sorry that I didn't realize what a huge sacrifice it was for you to go back to work when your kids were just newborns. Tiny humans that were freshly swaddled and warm with love. How did you do that? How were you able to walk out that door? I have trouble leaving the girls today, on a Sunday morning, and they are big and not nearly as sweet smelling as the newborns they once were. I'm sorry I never acknowledged your sacrifice.

I'm sorry that I never understood now the pull between being a mother and being a career woman could knock your balance in such a way you quite often lost sight of yourself. I realize now that I didn't know that you felt guilt at work and then guilt at home because there was never quite enough of you to go around. And that all it took was a tear, a cracked voice, a sniffle, or tighter hug at drop off to question your decisions and motives to be successful in your job or career. I think that is what has surprised me the most.

I'm sorry I never realized just how hard you work. From the time you hit the snooze until the time you are able to hit your pillow every night. I had no idea that you get so much done before school drop off that it should be considered a day all its own. That just because you come home from work, doesn't mean that you are off. Second shift starts and before you know it, it is eight o'clock and the kids had popcorn and soda for dinner and homework still isn't done. It never occurred to me that you see so little of your babies every day, and that you don't even realize it most days because you are just trying to get to the end of that day. And I would have never believed you if you had explained the underlying guilt that you live with because of that.

I'm sorry working mom. I'm sorry for being such a privileged brat. I'm sorry for thinking that I had such problems. I'm sorry that I never really listened to the longing in your voice, the one that thought the grass on my side of the fence was just a little greener. I'm sorry I never asked how you were doing, how you were making it through the hard days and the short nights before the littles went to sleep. I'm so sorry that I was such a shitty friend. That it took me becoming a working mom to figure out that maybe you aren't perfect and that you don't have it all figured out either. That maybe we have always had that in common. Maybe we aren't so different after all.

I get it now. I get all of it, and I hope that you will forgive me. I hope that you will forgive me and share trade secrets and tell me that in the end it's not so bad.

Even if it is bad. Just lie to me. I kind of deserve it.


15 comments:

  1. I had to leave my little one at 6 weeks old. The first day back was awful. She's now ten months and still some days are harder than others. If life would've allowed I would've stayed home. Her dad and I both work full time and live a happy life. We both miss her terribly, but hey, that's part of being a parent isn't it? My best advice is to keep busy, really busy and savor every day off you have.
    www.accordingtokiki123.blogspot.com

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  2. Moms have it hard. I'm a working mom and it is very difficult but I firmly believe that I couldn't make it as a stay at home mom. I really don't think I have it in me so for that reason I have big love for those that do. I have to have that job forcing me to be more than mom. I'd swear I would look a hot stinking Big Mama mess if I were at home all day. I need grown-ups.

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  3. Honestly its why I stopped reading your blog, another spoiled SAHM mommy blog. You are all the same - your only worry of the day was starbucks drive thru or should we go in for an adventure and I can post pics on my blog about how busy my day was wandering the aisles of target. Oh and I am way to busy to plan a meal so I shove crap down my kids throat because I am just so overwhelmed to think about something called dinner - well what the eff did you do all day?
    I am gone 10 hours a day, try to spend as much time with my kids when I get home. They run circles around me while I cook dinner because they are kids and I still need to feed them. Yes we eat dinner late 730 or 8 with 2 toddlers but family dinner is a priorty to us. Then its bedtime. By 9, yes I am exhausted and would love nothing more to flop on the couch and binge watch - but you know what I am a grown up and I had kids by choice. My second job begins, cleaning, laundry, dishes, packing lunches, school bags, work bags and if I'm lucky I'm done by 11 so I can spend some time with my hubs. In bed at midnight and up at 5. How do I do it? I prioritze and sacrafice some of my me time. Its life and you are grown up, stop playing the vicitim.
    Its by accident that I came across your blog again today and its the same old - you are a constant complainer. You complain when you sat at home and did nothing and you complain now - maybe you are just a spoiled brat and you need to adjust your attitude and grow up. What you can't stay home and be lazy - binge watch some show and your only worry is starbucks and target? That is not the REAL world. Get an effin clue- there is whole world out there. Nice example you are setting for your girls of what their goal in life should be - a sheltered SAHM. You may work now but from your attitude I'm sure they can pick up what your priorites are.
    I guess I can continue to skip your blog.

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    Replies
    1. Ugh. Your comment is fricken annoying! Get off your high horse, Emily. We all have different stories. Respect Megan's.

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    2. I've re-read your comment, Emily. You are pissing me off! I am a working mom and do all that you do. I have never felt the need to berate Megan or anyone for that matter. What the hell is your problem!? Stop. Just stop. This community, the Absolute Mommy community, is happy to see you go!

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    3. Holy crap rude! Glad you are taking care of your family how you see fit, because that's exactly what we as mothers {working or not} do every.single.day. and we are all doing our best. If someone is struggling you should be offering up comfort and support, because as a mother you KNOW how hard it is. For you to take time {out of your oh so busy day!} to belittle someone instead of trying to lift them up, or simply just moving along shows what kind of person you are. Nice example YOU are setting. #byefelicia

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  4. Megan I just love your honesty and transparency! For the first time in my life as a mom I am a SAHM. I've been a working mom who took her kid to work with her, a WAHM taking care of other people's kids, and now a SAHM. They are all hard in their own ways, and life as a mom and wife never ends. So when do we find time for ourselves!?

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  5. I meant to comment on this yesterday - but just like you, I'm up to my armpits in busy. Thank you for this letter. This is your story. I'm happy to have seen it develop through the years and can't wait to see where this journey takes you.
    PS: Bubble baths after the kids go to sleep help! Besos.

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  6. From someone who knows you on a personal level you do YOU Megs, because guess what? You are enough. I appreciate you sharing REAL life on your little space here. The good, the bad and sometimes the ugly, because we are human and by sharing, it helps other mothers out there no they are not alone. Negative Nancy's are wack and let's be real, ain't nobody got time for that <3

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  7. #byefelica �� �� ��

    No one has time for that negativity.....you keep doing what you do and don't worry about any jealous haters. I can't tell you how many times through out the years you have made me realize I'm not alone in my struggles as a mother and I'm not crazy either, being a mom is tuff and we need to stick togther and support each other. Thank you Megan for being real even when it isn't easy!

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  8. I'm not a working mom, I can't do it. I need my sanity & my sleep & my stupid To-Do lists & errands. I for a long time hated working moms, SHEESH - 'their kids get socialized and they get to eat lunch and pee and change their tampons in peace!'. But then, they also come home and barely see their child/ren & then take care of their home & sleep if there is time. I just told hubby the other day - I would have literally died if I had to work Presleys first 18 months of life. She was up at least every 2-3 hours (most nights every hour) at night - I couldn't not imagine having to work after doing that.
    SO. PROPS to you for pointing out and giving respect to BOTH moms (as you have been both). You are a FUCKING ROCKSTAR and moms who think they are better than you can suck it. The End.

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  9. I'm not a working mom, I can't do it. I need my sanity & my sleep & my stupid To-Do lists & errands. I for a long time hated working moms, SHEESH - 'their kids get socialized and they get to eat lunch and pee and change their tampons in peace!'. But then, they also come home and barely see their child/ren & then take care of their home & sleep if there is time. I just told hubby the other day - I would have literally died if I had to work Presleys first 18 months of life. She was up at least every 2-3 hours (most nights every hour) at night - I couldn't not imagine having to work after doing that.
    SO. PROPS to you for pointing out and giving respect to BOTH moms (as you have been both). You are a FUCKING ROCKSTAR and moms who think they are better than you can suck it. The End.

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  10. I think being a mom is hard. Period. Whether you work or stay at home, we all have our own struggles. Great letter, Megan.

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  11. Every time! Every time! I am either crying or laughing! Whether it is your heart poured on a page or you being a "constant complainer" because you are a"spoiled brat", keep writing! I love reading. It always makes my day!

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