It's the little things

I'm going to take a moment to brag a little. I think I'm entitled. Most times when I sit down to write about motherhood it's usually about what I've completely effed up. This time, just for a bit, I'm going to brag about how wonderful and put together I can be if I try. I'm going to brag about how I set a goal and reached it in a full twenty four hours. Today, just for this post I'm going to toot my own horn.

Toot. Toot.

Because this kind of shit is so rare, I've got to take a minute.

Damn I feel like Kanye and all you guys are Taylor.

But seriously. I'm awesome because...

We got to Muffins with Mom by SEVEN TEN in the MORNING.

The picture to prove it!

That's right. Muffins with Mom opens at seven and I pulled into the parking lot at seven oh seven. We walked into the multipurpose room at seven ten. We stood in line for our picture and had our muffins and juice at our table by seven fifteen. We finished by seven thirty which gave us plenty of time to get to the book fair. Obviously you can't have a parent function at the school and not have a fundraiser where you can spend upwards of a hundred dollars on educational things. Like books. Because, duh. We were in and out of the book fair so fast that we had time to sit and enjoy our books.

We were that awesome last Thursday. I'm sharing because in past years we showed up at a quarter to eight and almost missed getting our picture taken all together. I'm sweaty in that years pictures out of pure anxiety and stress, because I didn't want to be "that mom". We've waited in line for muffins that we had to wolf down in ten minutes. We've listened to the warning bell as we waited to pay for our book fair books in the library, ten or twelve people in front of us.

I'm sharing this story because it was a success for all of us. Me and the girls. Let me also add that it was the first week of daylight savings time. Perhaps it was the delirious exhaustion that set in, but I was able to get up with my first alarm. Not only did I put on make up, but I did my hair, with a flat iron! Caitlin got up the second time I asked, and okay, maybe I got Mackenzie dressed in the dark, but we made it. We got there with plenty of time. I set a goal of getting there at seven, and we pretty much made it, give or take ten minutes. In mom time, that's on time. Am I right?

For me the most important thing about Thursday is that it shows that I'm capable. I don't always think so. Even as my girls are about to turn six and nine (don't even get me started), I still have days, mornings, nights where I ask myself, can I really do this shit? Can I really be someones mother? The answer is always yes, whether I feel that way or not. Of course I can, obviously, I'm currently mother to two girls. Still, sometimes when I'm fumbling around, it feels false. There are more days that I feel like it's really hard to be a mom, than days where I feel capable.

I read a blog post last week about a mom who would always turn down play dates and coffee dates because it seemed like such a daunting task to pack up a newborn and a toddler. I wanted to make a video where I danced around with my hands in the air saying "Amen" so I could post it in her comments section. I get that one hundred percent. I used to be that mom. I still feel like that mom, things like Muffins with Mom, Donuts with Dad, Eating for Everyone (okay I made that one up), make me sweat and have panic attacks. School events always make me feel like there is so much pressure to show up in our best clothes, with our hair done, and make up on. I didn't feel so much of that pressure this year, and maybe that's what made all the difference. Even with it being St. Patrick's Day, I wasn't worried about the matching outfits for the girls. I was more concerned with getting there on time, having an easy going morning. No rushing around. No yelling. No stress and anxiety. Most importantly, no tears. We did that and we were happier for it.

Today, I'm bragging about this one little thing that we did, that feels like a big ol' thing that we did. I'm pretty sure I can count on one hand the number of times that we have had a morning like last Thursday. It still surprises me that motherhood holds so many lessons. I'm still learning. I'm always learning new ways to mother. New ways to be patient and kind and more loving. Last Thursday was one of those days. It's totally worth celebrating.

Because you can bet your ass that I'll be back very soon telling the tale where I effed it all up. A time when everyone cried, and I made a big deposit to our "therapy" fund.