Do you want to build a snowWOMAN? {Or sing a song to slash any remaining gender stereotypes?}

Frozen still has a huge presence in this house. Despite the Anna and Elsa dolls, the story behind the Elsa Dress, and my over all love for a story that literally proclaims, "Sisters before Misters", I still love the effect that Frozen is having on my daughters.

Last week the girls and I were driving my mom home after a day of shopping. Of course Mackenzie wanted to hear the Frozen soundtrack and we went through all the songs, singing along. Doing the voices, you know the drill. During a fantastic sing a long to "Let it Go", Mackenzie said that she wanted a "Frozen 2". We all agreed, a sequel to Frozen would be fantastic. Most likely not as amazing as the first, but still, with the same cast, I'd be there on opening night. My mom said that she wondered what kind of story Frozen 2 would tell. I was like, "Does it matter?", but my mom blurted out, "Elsa needs a husband. Frozen 2 can be about Elsa and a husband". I kid you not, the following are actual events:

loud voice from the back seat:

Caitlin: ELSA DOES NOT NEED A HUSBAND!!!!

My Mom: Don't you think Elsa needs a King?

Caitlin: Elsa does not need a King, Grandma! She is free.

Me: Well amen to that! Look mom, I'm doing it right!

I've never been prouder. Let's break this down a little. One, my seven year old daughter realizes that Elsa has choices, and she does not need any man in her life to make it better. Elsa is free to be who she is and live in that fancy ice castle alone, making a closet full of ice stilettos if she chooses. Two, my seven year old daughter has the wherewithal to realize that you can be happy and live a very fulfilled life without a man. Ok, maybe not to that extent just yet, but this little lesson in feminism will not leave her as she grows into a young lady. 

Maybe I'm getting away from myself, but I think Gloria Steinem would high five me on my parenting win. I've never wanted anything more that to raise my girls with a strong sense of self. To raise them to know that they are enough, that they are strong, that they have choices. I want my girls to grow up and know that their possibilities are endless. I can do that because that's what my mama did for me. And so last week it all felt kind of full circle.

Can we talk about this little burst of "girl power" for a moment. Sure this isn't a burning bra moment by any means, but the tides have turned for our little ladies. When I was a kid I watched cartoon after cartoon and read story after story where the princesses were saved by the prince. The stories were filled with women who were almost strong enough, but in the end, they still needed that man to cross the threshold. A man to save them and make them feel safe and secure. Does anyone remember that scene in the Sex and the City movie when Carrie tells Lilly, Charlotte's daughter, that "Cinderella" doesn't really happen. If she wants to live in a castle all by herself that's all right too. I loved that scene, because I had always wondered what would have happened if Cinderella took that pumpkin carriage and got the hell out of dodge. I mean Cinderella had a Fairy Effing Godmother! Why didn't she ask for a convertible pumpkin and a new wardrobe? What if Ariel just swam up to Eric and was like, "Hey you wanna go for a swim?". What if Sleeping Beauty woke up and was like, "Hey, thanks for the kiss dude, but I've got a life to live". Seriously? What if all the Disney Princesses before Elsa had choices?

If I allow myself to take this Frozen Feminism crazy train, I can look at my daughters and know that they will always know they have a choice. They can get married, or they can live alone. They can choose to be a career woman or they can choose to be a stay at home mom. They can choose to travel the world or they can choose to grow roots right here in Fresno California. But they have the choice. Could we be moving closer to the day when the pressure to get married and have kids disappears? Could we be moving closer and closer to a time when our daughters will know that the best person to save them is themselves?

Thanks to Frozen, my girls realize there is more to life than some man to save you. They will know that not all men are "Princes", that some aren't who they say they are. They will grow up knowing that sisters are warriors, and will fight for each other. Thanks to Frozen, my seven year old knows that a man isn't an answer to your problems, even if you have set off an eternal winter and almost killed your sister accidentally.

Finally, we can sing at the top of our lungs, "Boys never bothered us anyway!"***.

Have I mentioned I'm totally doing this right?



***Editors Note: "Boys never bothered me anyway", is an original quote from the Hubbs. He sang this little ditty, to the tune of Let It Go, when I told this story. He wanted to be sure I gave him all the credit.

We are good

A few weeks ago I posted this picture to Instagram of my girls at Mac's school Easter Egg hunt. Caitlin so eager to help her sister find all the good eggs before they were gone, the team work just melted my heart. Most days they are fighting over the iPad or who gets what Barbie doll. And just for a moment I saw it. That magic that everyone talks about. The magic between sisters. And I knew. We don't need no stinkin boys.

We have reached the point in our family life where people ask, "Are you guys done having kids?".

I guess it really isn't any body's business, but I always answer YES. Almost immediately. We are most certainly done. But then someone, usually a man, will chime in with,

"Well don't you think John needs a boy?"

Huh.

Now I've given any number of flippant answers to this question over the years. Believe it or not, I started getting questions about "trying for a boy" as soon as we found out Mac was a girl, as if two girls in the family was the worst thing that could ever happen to us. I've said things like "We don't need another penis to validate this family", or "I need another man in my life like I need a hole in my head". But the truth is I learned the best lessons about having two girls from a complete stranger.

When I was pregnant with Mac, my mom, Caitlin and I were having lunch at our local Chik-Fil-A. We sat next to another mommy about my age with a daughter about Caitlin's age at the time. We smiled and said hello, and of course because we both had obvious bellies we asked each other if we knew what we were having. I at the time didn't, it was too early, but she did. She said I'm having a girl, and before we could say anything, she said, "And we think it's wonderful, because having a sister is the greatest gift you can get in life". I smiled and agreed and knew at that moment if I wasn't having the boy that everyone (including me) wanted, it was going to be ok. And as you well know, it is very much ok.

As I watch my daughters I'm a little envious I don't have a sister. There is something magical about having a flesh and blood secret keeper. I like that they don't have to be alone, unless by choice. And even though they fight like sisters do (from what I've been told), they love each other anyway. There is something so sacred about that.

I'll admit that after Mac's birthday last week I really did want another baby. A little life we could watch grow all over again. To hit all those milestones and love and cuddle and adore. Sure, a boy would be nice, but I think it was just the idea of having a baby in the family again. Not a gender specific want, but an emotional "my babies are no longer babies" want.

Because from where I stand, we are good. We are happily living in a world of pink sparkles and glitter hearts. A world filled with tea parties and American Girl magazines and One Direction (Yes! Already!). We tell secrets and paint and we even play in the dirt and cheer on the San Francisco Giants. I'm sure Daddy would like to one day have a professional football player in the family, I'm pretty sure he will gladly accept a talented ballerina, gymnast, writer, artist, actor, or scholar. As long as one of them goes to Fresno State.

Because contrary to popular belief and the penis to vagina ratio in this family, we are good. Really good.

Frozen {Thank you Disney}

Warning:   If you haven't seen Frozen, do not continue,  do not pass go, and do not expect $200.   This is a review of the movie and there will be spoilers.

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Wednesday, among the mess and chaos that is the day before Thanksgiving, John and I took Caitlin to see the new Disney film Frozen.  Walking in I knew three things about the movie: there were two sisters, a guy (isn't there always), and a really cute snowman named Olaf.  That's it.  So like with many kiddo flicks I went in with no expectation.  Don't get me wrong, I love me some Disney animation.  This is the girl who wanted to see the Little Mermaid and begged her mom to take her for weeks.  I'm the girl who will watch Ratatouille always, and loves the score for Princess and the Frog.  But it is my experience that Disney movies are about falling in love and or being saved by a prince.  Ask me how I feel about Rapunzel becoming a brunette after her magic hair was cut off.  Flynn rider or not, that was just lame-o.
So we settled in with our five dollar waters and our seventeen dollar Mike and Ike's, and prepared ourselves for another Princess giving up something for love or country or self awareness.  
For the most part, Frozen starts out like most Disney movies, with a tragedy.   Two sisters who are best friends, Elsa with the magical powers of ice, Anna who is a regular Joe, and like to play in the snow that Elsa makes indoors.  It's all fun and games until oops, Anna, who is clearly not listening to Elsa, doesn't slow down and is hit in the head with some of Elsa's ice magic.  Cue the magic trolls who remove all Anna's memories of her sisters powers, and enter the vow for the royal parents to keep Elsa in the castle hidden from the world as to hide her magical and uncontrollable powers.  Of course that's not the worst of it, as the girls become teenagers the Royal Parents die on their ship in a storm, leaving the castle closed until Elsa comes of age to take the throne.  All the while, Anna confused as to why Elsa stays locked in her room, ignoring her, and Anna herself locked in the castle.
Fast forward to Coronation Weekend where Anna is let loose of the castle gates like a college freshman in Daytona on Spring Break.  She's singing and twirling and oops almost falls into the water at the dock via a canoe of some kind.  Anna this is getting serious, please watch what you are doing.  I know you are excited, but you are second in line.  Don't go all Prince Harry on us.  Of course Anna is saved just in time by Prince Hans, a cool and handsome Prince with a great smile and equally great hair.  He gets her back on course, and it's getting pretty steamy for a meet cute, when Anna realizes that she is about to be late for her sister, the Queen's coronation.  
After a brief coronation ceremony, where Elsa almost ices over her Queen royalty things (what are those things called anyway) it's time to party.  And who should show up at the ready?  Prince Hans of course.  He's all about dancing with Anna, then like in every other movie they break into song about finishing each others sandwiches.  I wish I were kidding. Again it's all fun and games, until Prince Hans proposes to Anna, and she says yes, and then as they ask for the Queen's blessing, Elsa says no.  Because Elsa knows getting engaged on a first date is bat shit crazy.  Even in a Disney movie about a Queen who can shoot ice and snow out of her palms like Spiderman.
Upset Anna confronts Elsa in front of everyone shouting about their childhood and Elsa's icy demeanor (because she doesn't remember a thing), and soon Elsa can't control her anger or her ice.  Elsa shoots ice and icicles out of her palms much to the dismay and fear of her guests.  She runs out the door in embarrassment and fear telling Anna to leave her alone. Arandelle we have a problem, the Queen has left the building.  Oh, and she has also has cursed you with an eternal winter.  Your welcome.
As Anna is now the reining Queen she leaves Arandelle to Prince Hans.  Of course she does, because she's gonna marry the guy, and he seems so trust worthy right?  
This is the premise of Frozen.  I won't recap the entire movie, because after this it's not that important.  Sure Anna meets Kristoff and his sturdy reindeer Sven, together they meet Olaf, her sisters creation, and there are battles, and more arguments between sisters. Pretty normal and expected fare from a Disney movie.  There is a point where Elsa again injures poor Anna with her icy magic palms, and Kristoff takes her to the trolls again, and for some reason none of the trolls remember Anna from her childhood.  The head troll tells Kristoff that the only cure is an act of true love.  Which is immediately translated into a true loves kiss.  Of course.  So back on the trail they go to Arandelle to find Prince Hans to kiss poor Anna, since he's her true love and only a true loves kiss will do.  
Well guess what Disney lovers?  Prince Hans is an asshole.  He's a lying, cheating bastard in the worst sense of the word.  It's all an act.  He's like 13th in line for the throne back in his neck of the woods, and the best way to be a King is to let Anna die.  You know gullible, naive, locked in a castle for all of adolescence Anna.  Poor Anna.  Now she is going to die, the eternal winter will never thaw, and her magical snow palmed sissy is trying to break out of Prince Hans prison.  Awesome.   No really, hear me out, this is awesome.  Why not start lifting the "Disney wool" over my daughters eyes now?  Someday she's going to meet a Prince Hans, and he will break her heart.  This is an excellent lesson in love.  One, don't get engaged on the first date, and two, just because he's handsome on the outside doesn't mean he has a nice heart on the inside.  Score one for Disney for finally exposing the truth about bad boys.  
Then something remarkable happens.  Just as you are cheering for a True Love's kiss, even I want it to happen so Anna can live, SPOILER ALERT, that is not what saves the day.  Anna, sacrifices her life, and her chance at a kiss from Kristoff, to save her sister Elsa's life.  Even though her and Elsa were separated, and their relationship tarnished by the secret of Elsa's powers.  Anna loves her sister, and by sacrificing herself that is the ultimate act in true love.  Yes, Disney.  So much yes.  Even I teared up.  First of all I have daughters.  And they fight to the death, they scream and argue, and yet at the end of the day, they love each other.  This is a great movie for sisters.  Second of all, Disney just proved to any little princess watching that they do not need a prince to have true love.  They don't need a prince to save the day.  They don't need a prince, but they can have one if they want one. And if they want a prince they no longer have to eat poisonous apples, touch random spinning wheels, or give up their voice for the shot a true love.  True love can be found by being brave and strong and having the confidence to say, I will save the day myself.  Way to go Anna.  

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Frozen is now in my top 5 Disney movies.  Because it's all about girl power.  It's about sister love and family, and OK, it's got a really cute snowman named Olaf.  But the real reason it's one of my new favorites...
It's the ultimate example of sisters before misters.