Alas, I confess. I have lost my sense of style. I am guilty of looking like and dressing like a MOM. I'm totally serious. I'm in a serious funk. As I type I'm wearing one of three sundresses that is made exactly the same, but today I'm in the purple print. It was also bought at Kohl's, and not in the JRs department.
I can look back and identify the exact moment that I lost my style sense. It was on Tuesday June 26th, 2007 at 4:17 pm. How can I be so specific? It was the day Caitlin was born. Is it possible that my sense of style was pushed out with my newborn? Is it crazy to think my style sense was thrown out with the placenta? My What to Expect book did not warn me of this!!
I'm not sure why it has taken this long for this issue to bug me. Maybe in my sleepless haze, as I looked into the mirror bleary eyed, I just didn't notice. Then as I began to sleep better, I began to care a little. Taking the chance to wear a nice cami and capris on my Target trips. Less worried that I'd be spit up on, spilled on, or somehow exposed by my baby. I feel like I was just getting my groove back when, BAM! I found myself knocked up again. Seriously? I had to do "fat and pregnant" all over again? UGH!
I find it hilarious that after Mackenzie was born, I mean literally days after Mackenzie was born I was longing for my pre-baby body. No, not my pre-Caitlin body, but my pre-Mac body. I had grown comfortable in the fact that I was no longer the size of my pre-Caitlin jeans and dresses. I had begun to build a new wardrobe around a new body that was a little more relaxed, a little less self centered. I liked the new Mommy Me. So after Mac I was ready to fit in those jeans. I was ok with my no style self. Then all of sudden I wasn't.
Am I just too lazy? Is it the idea that I have to dress a 4 year old with opinions on what to wear, and a one year old who likes to run. Am I so focused on making sure they are clean and cute that I take the backseat? Absolutely! Sometimes just the idea of getting us all ready to leave the house on time makes my eye twitch. I have to give myself and Caitlin a pep talk and set a schedule. Some days it's an absolute miracle that we even leave the house.
I've also found that being a stay at home mom, in some ways, forces me into a style/no style rut. Why should I dress up to grocery shop, go to Target, do laundry, or wash dishes? Why dirty perfectly good clothes for something important? I'd just have to do more laundry. It's funny but I feel like I should warn my friends, "Hey when we go to lunch on Friday, don't be surprised if I'm wearing the same tank and capris I always wear". Another SAHM friend and I laugh at ourselves. It seems that in every picture of us doing something fun or important on our Facebook pages, we are always dressed in the same thing. It's like we don't own anything else. Correction, we don't own anything else that is nice and presentable. That's what we look like when we dress up. Am I laughing or crying about this fact? I can't tell.
It's doubly sad that Caitlin absolutely freaks out when I'm wearing my eyebrows. I only do my eyebrows when I'm going to dinner, a wedding, baby shower, etc. She knows that eyebrows usually mean she is staying with Grandma. As soon as the eyebrow filler comes out the tears start. Don't go Mommy, she cries! Stay with me! I've even asked her, why do you think I'm going somewhere? Her answer "Because you have eyes". So sad!
I don't want to look like a celebrity. I don't want to be Botoxed and bottle blonde like the Real Housewives. I just want to look like I actually give a crap. How sad is it that I actually love when the tabloids publish pictures of young Hollywood moms and their kids, while they are not their movie star selves? I love it! I love that most photos of Jennifer Gardner show her in jeans, a tee, and running shoes. She's living the MOMSTYLE! I love pictures of Jessica Alba and Amy Adams playing in the park or pushing a stroller with bed head and no make-up! MOMSTYLE! Even Katie Holmes, Mrs. Tom Cruise, has been photographed with wet hair and big sunglasses, while little Suri is in a tutu and high heels. Momstyle? Yes, and as an added bonus, another mother who couldn't talk her toddler daughter into something sensible, like jeans and a t-shirt.
I've decided I'm taking it back! I'm going to find my new MomStyle, and in turn feel much, better about myself. Why shouldn't I look like I'm enjoying motherhood? Why shouldn't look and feel like a hot mamma? I deserve it right???
Don't worry. I do clean up well. I do have presentable items and sometimes even look like I'm keeping up with the current trends. I've had to kiss my InStyle Magazine reading, up to the minute trend shopping, keeping up the Kardashians part of my life good bye. I miss that Megan sometimes. I imagine she is wearing skinny jeans and a striped tunic, teetering on wedge heels, topped with a fabulous fedora, sipping Cosmos with her equally stylish girlfriends. She has not a care in the world. So naive to what she is missing...
This Megan is here, in her Kohl's sundress, laughing at Miss Mac who currently has Cheeto face. She wants a kiss. Hmmm... sounds like a fair trade for style any day.