Taking time...

Found these at Barnes and Noble. I need these.


I didn't blog at all this week. In fact I haven't written a thing since Saturday night. I had a few chances to squeeze in some writing, but truthfully, my heart just wasn't in it. There are things happening over here, and none of them have to do with this blog. I've been working close to a full time schedule the last two weeks and I'm overwhelmed and exhausted when I'm home and have a to-do list a mile long. Then when I should be overwhelmed and exhausted, I find myself smiling and laughing with my girls on the way to school, or at Walmart late on a Wednesday night. If I've learned anything in my years as a mother, I've learned to embrace the chaos. I think I've been doing exactly that the last two weeks. Things in my life are changing and as much as I loathe change of any kind, I've tried to be positive about it. I've tried to look change in the eyes this time and hope that change and I can come to a meaningful understanding. I'm going to adapt, I'm going to give it the best college try, because change is going to happen anyway. Fine. I'll accept your friend request change. But I don't have to like your status.

This week I looked at my laptop and sighed. I thought about posting every night, and even enjoyed a day off on Tuesday, but still couldn't bring myself to the laptop. Instead I read some books with the girls, and Caitlin read a few to me. Then one night I made pancakes because it seemed like the thing to do. Another night we watched cartoons and sat on the couch. I was avoiding this space, I'll admit. And I had some bloggers guilt, but I found that it dissipates a whole hell of a lot faster than mommy guilt. That should really be a lesson that I need to listen to. Still I felt the pull, still I missed this place, but not as much as I missed my girls and the Hubbs this week.

It's Friday night and finally I'm able to sit down and type out a few thoughts. It feels good. Not that this is the most inspiring post you have ever read here, but it's real. It's me. I'm tired and I want to go to bed, but tonight, I finally have something to say. What I want to say is that everything is perfect and I feel just fine. But in reality Mac is eating cheese puffs, Caitlin is working on a "craft" that involves glue and fabric and she is doing so on the carpet, and I'm sitting here, kind of watching and kind of not. It's fine. When they need me they will holler. Or scream. Or fight. Possibly set the house on fire. Just kidding.

Kind of.

3 comments:

  1. I haven't been blogging - like, at all - for the past several months. For awhile I felt really strange and sort of guilty, only because I feel like it's something I do for myself and I was neglecting it. But I've had a similar realization to yours. I miss the time spent with my husband and my little one more than I miss the blogging thing. My little guy is only going to be this tiny for so long, and so if I soak it up and don't blog about every little thing, that's perfectly fine. I so totally feel you on this one ;)

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  2. I am so glad that I haven't seen you blog. I know it's hard but really, those girls need you and you need them. Plus you know the hubby too. Just blog when you can but live your life. At the end of your life you don't want to regret that you didn't spend enough time in life.

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  3. I fall off the blogging wagon all of the time. My blog is nowhere near as cool as yours, but I try and feel guilty when I don't have something up. I use it as an online journal for our family so I feel like crap when it seems like I haven't done anything "as a family" in a while.

    I need those Hot Mess Citations. Majorly. Although I'll probably just be giving them to myself all day long. Whoops.

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