The Happiest Place for Us

"Mom. This is the happiest I've ever been", Mackenzie age 5.

I thought I understood the Magic of Disney. I've been to Disneyland over a dozen time, the first time when I was just five years old. I love Disney movies, I think Mickey Mouse ears are a rite of passage, I sing Let It Go at the top of my lungs, I cry when I watch Up, Toy Story, and that one time during Wall-E. Last year about this time we took the girls to Downtown Disney just for fun. We were doing a test to see how they would do with a real trip to the Magic Kingdom. Mostly because we really couldn't explain how large and expansive and overwhelming Disneyland can be. As soon as we stepped off the bus I was five all over again. When we walked into the big Disney store in Downtown Disney I wanted to buy everything, go on every ride, and take my picture with the Mouse himself. Watching the train depart from the Main Street Depot, listening to the music being pumped at the gates, the smell of churros all around, I knew, this was it. This is where our family vacation dreams were going to come true.

The girls agreed. Crying and begging to go into the park as we left. So last June we started planning to return the following year.

We picked our vacation dates without the knowledge that it would be the kick off weekend for the 60th celebration. I worried as we counted down the days that the parks would be too crowded, too overwhelming, and that we wouldn't get the most out of our trip. I couldn't have been more wrong!

Since we live in central California we made the drive south. Loading the iPad with movies, packing snacks and Capri Suns, making sure we took our American Girl doll and our Anna and Elsa Dolls, wearing our Mickey ears the entire ride. It was a long trip, and we were smart to take a full day to travel, because by the time we got to the hotel we were hangry and tired, and no where in the mood to walk the park.

I had been told that there is something special about taking someone to Disneyland for the first time. That to see the magic in their eyes is like experiencing the park for the first time yourself. I thought I understood what that would be like, but really I had no idea. My girls were beside themselves that Thursday morning. Their outfits had been planned for weeks. We had to wake up so early to make our character breakfast, but they didn't care, it didn't phase them. They loved riding the bus to the park, they loved the walk (read hike) to the character breakfast, and they loved the character breakfast. They were too excited to eat, they were so concerned with getting autographs and pictures for "your Instagram, Mommy". They even pulled out their gift cards from Santa to buy their first souvenirs, Mickey Hands.

As we walked back to the park, Caitlin held my hand tight. I'm nervous, Mommy, she whispered as we approached the gates. I reassured her, that Disneyland was a happy place, that we wouldn't do anything she didn't want, I told her that I would be right there, holding her hand. So we walked in and immediately saw Ariel, Donald, and the Main Street Train. She couldn't wait to talk her picture next to the Mickey flowers. She wanted to ride It's A Small World immediately.

Mac, who had already taken a ride in the stroller by this time, asked to walk, and took my hand. As we walked through Sleeping Beauty's castle to Fantasy Land, she said, "Mom. This is the happiest I've ever been". It was only then that I realized, me too kiddo. It was absolute magic, the kind people write about, when everything is just so. When the planets and the starts align. When both kids can find their shoes and get to school on time. When you hair curls the right way.

It's A Small World was our first ride. A memory I hope both my girls will cherish when they take their children back one day. We rode Dumbo, Pirates, The Jungle Cruise, and a few others. We got Dole Whips and Churros. Since we were with our in laws, John and I got to sneak away and ride Big Thunder Mountain Railroad alone. We giggled and people watched in line, we screamed annoyingly on the ride, John yelled inappropriate things as we went around corners. It was bliss.

We tried to pack in so much that first day. We shopped a little, had hot dogs for lunch on Main Street, took pictures with Goofy and Ariel. We laughed so much, we held hands, we looked and wondered and planned on what to ride next. There were minimal tears, not much to argue about, and when we were tired it was a good, satisfied, I gave it everything I had, tired.

We closed the day in Downtown Disney, in a busy store looking at too many things and not making any decisions. We did buy some pins to keep, not to trade, and started our new obsession of all the pins. When I looked in the stroller, Mackenzie was fast asleep. A wonderful day had by all.

They say Disneyland is the happiest place on earth. I truly believe that, but I've also discovered that Disneyland is the happiest place for us. It was the perfect place to take a vacation from our life of chaos. To slow down just a bit and talk about important things, like Dole Whips and the pin traders, as we waited in long lines for rides. Somehow the Hubbs and I didn't fight. I found myself not losing my temper over minor tantrums as I would usually. But how can you, with the music piping all around you, fourteen dollar Mickey balloons at every turn, and the sheer joy that shines on your children's faces? It's no surprise that I didn't want to leave.

Today marks two weeks since we have been home, and we still pine for Disneyland. Mackenzie has asked to go back to Disneyland almost every night since we've been home. Caitlin is already looking forward to all the other rides she wants to go on when we return. As for me, I'm secretly plotting to convince "Santa" to bring annual passes for our stockings this year. Because this is the vacation we needed, this is the one that we will always remember. This is the one that showed The Hubbs and I that all that hard really does pay off, even if it will take years to forget the price tag. Honestly, I would have gladly paid double, for what priceless memories we got back in return. Disney may have celebrated their 60th Anniversary, but we celebrated our first successful Family Vacation.

If you follow me on Instagram, then you know I took a million pictures.

Knowing me they would forever stay on my phone, except for the first time I tried Chatbooks.

Chatbooks is so easy to use, and you can even search your pictures by hashtag!

My Chatbook is on it's way, but if you would like to experience Chatbooks for the first time for FREE:

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Otherwise if you want to see all of our Disney Vacation Pictures, search #absolute_vacay15 on Instagram.

The Staycation {January 2015}

I didn't realize how truly burned out I was until the week school started after New Year's. I felt like I had been running on that hamster wheel of motherhood, moving my legs so quickly with no where to really go, and I was finally at the point where I was exhausted. Exhausted and bitter. A month before I had requested the weekend of January 16th off because it coincided with the Hubbs birthday, but of course I had almost forgotten about that by the time it got here. I realized that I was at a point where I just wanted to be quiet. I wanted to be left alone. I wanted to sleep.

Really, I just needed most was to recharge.

I had big plans for my four day weekend. I was going to write and blog. I was going to catch up on all my favorite TV shows. I was going to read all three of my new books. I was going to do laundry and grocery shop and be lazy and not wear any make up. Big plans for doing what I wanted to do, for doing what I need to do, but then something kind of amazing happened.

I didn't really do any of them. I sat on the couch with the Hubbs and watched some pretty great movies and TV shows. Not the ones piled up on the DVR, but whatever we found while sitting there together. I held my baby, who will be five this year, in my lap while I read that one book she wants to read every single night. I held her hand, that is still so impossibly small, and knew that this wouldn't be forever. And I had to take a moment to embrace it, to recognize that time doesn't stop moving forward.

I laid on the floor of my bathroom while the girls painted my toe nails. Making a mess of the bathroom and me. Because they had been begging to do it for months, and I had plum run out of excuses. I knew they would make a mess. I knew that at some point one of them would spill polish that would never come out of the cream colored bathroom rug. I knew that eventually one of the girls would spill the polish remover all over the floor. I expected to have polish all over my toe nails and feet. But what I didn't expect was how much they would enjoy making this mess. How much fun they would have talking to me like I was a "Client". Do you have children? Would you like to pick a color Miss? Where do you work? I never expected to lay in the floor and relax, taking in the deep breath of motherhood and ignoring the smell of polish and acetone, while my hostesses pampered and prepped. I didn't realize that all they wanted their mother to do was to slow down and say yes. Yes to making mess. Yes to ruining a ten year old bath mat that had seen better days. Yes to being one hundred and ten percent in the moment.

It will come as no surprise that I didn't do one stitch of writing. That I opened my laptop maybe once. That I put my phone down for most of those days. Only picking it up to take pictures of the little memories we were making of the mundane. If I would have asked, they would have let me. Let me write in the corner of the kitchen table, at the bar, or even in our office. They would have let me shut the door and listen to Pandora, and get a pretty good chunk of writing done for me and this blog. But I didn't ask. I just let it go. I just let it be. I wanted to take the time I was given and enjoy every drop. To be with my girls and take selfies of us being alive. Of us breathing. Of us relaxing because Mommy didn't have to work for four whole days and nights.

When the staycation ended and we went back to real life, I was quite a bit behind. I wrote a few things, but before I knew it, I felt rushed all over again. I don't want to feel rushed. I don't want to ignore one life for the other. So I did what I should have been doing for years. Let go. Release some of the guilt and let life be my guide. Does it really matter that I have a list of things to write about? Does it matter that I'm reading two books at the same time with no desire to finish either? Does it really matter that we are knee deep in life again with laundry and dishes waiting at the ready? It doesn't, not really.  It took a vacation from the obligations for me to realize that I really need to enjoy what really matters, living the life I've always wanted. This life right here.

Honestly, it's been staring me in the face this whole time, and it's finally time time to pay attention.

Dragging my feet

I seriously did not want to come here tonight.  Like I did everything in my power not to come to this space.  I even put laundry away.  I mean, how sick is that?  It was really freaking hard to stop and pull up the blog.
Life has been so full.  It's been messy and chaotic.  It's been rewarding as well.  But right now I'm a lot burned out.  I haven't done a single thing to decorate my house for Halloween.  And it just occurred to me that Halloween is Thursday.  That doesn't include the fact that there are toys in every room of my house. Dishes stacked.  Room mother and Daisy troop leader duties to do.  Who am I?  How did I get so damn over scheduled?
I guess it's the time of year.  I guess it's what happens when you live a full life.  Really live and let everything else fall by the wayside.  Sometimes that just has to be ok.  And for now it is.
This week, you will see that this space isn't updated as much.  It's not that I don't have anything to share, but I've got a lot of life to pack into the next week.  And when I'm under pressure, my writing sucks.  It's that simple.  Sometimes the words flow, and I can sit at the screen for hours.  But right now it's a struggle, and that means I've got to slow down, and breathe.
I'm also planning on taking a two week break.  I know what you are thinking.  There have been many bloggers stepping away from their blogs lately, and you may be thinking I'm going to do the same.  Yes and no.  Blogging can really take a hold of you.  By the throat.  Many bloggers make daily posting look easy, and seamless.  It's anything but.  However, I'm taking a little break to work on a project that I've been saying I'm going to do for awhile.  And the first two weeks of November seems like the right time.  I may need more time, but for now, that sounds good.  And don't worry, I will be posting more of my short story on Saturdays.  I'll be sure to let you know about those.  
For now, I love you guys, and I never want this place to feel like work. So until it doesn't feel like work, I'm going to be dragging my feet just a bit.

Ye of little faith

I have a confession to make.
Prior to my Las Vegas getaway, I didn't believe in date night. I loathed all the date night pictures on Instagram. I mean, really, you like your husband that much? Who does that?
Maybe it was envy. Maybe it was because I always come up with excuses. Maybe it was because I hadn't let loose in years.
Well readers and friends, I was wrong.
You see that Hubbs? I said I was WRONG. About date nights, just date nights.
I digress.

As evidenced by my Instagram feed, my Las Vegas getaway was fun. It was more than fun, it was amazing, exciting, glamorous, stimulating... It was refreshing and relaxing. It was everything my marriage needed and more.
Because we really have forgotten how to be John and Megan. Because our days are filled with being Mommy and Daddy,  or Absolute Mommy and The Hubbs. We got to Vegas and suddenly we were us again. The relaxed and affectionate us. The let's got to be at 3 in the afternoon us. The let's stay out all night us. Those two haven't been around in years.
My marriage needed those four days.
Mornings that were spent in bed, no one demanding mini pancakes, no one calling "I'm done" from the potty.  Mornings that were slow to start, with breakfast in bed, quiet conversation and dare I say, more?  Afternoons spent out, shopping or drinking.  Not a care in the world.  No schedule, no dance classes, no late afternoon tantrums.  Evenings spent dancing, singing along to music, having dinner and not worrying about spilled drinks and cutting up hot dogs.  And while we went on this trip with friends, the two of us, The Hubbs and I, were able to reconnect in a real way.  To remember what it was like seven years ago when it was just us.  To remember what it was like when we first met.  Those two college kids that could not get enough of each other.  Who spent their days and nights filled with booze and laughter and stolen kisses.  To remember that at one time we liked each other best.
 Now I believe in date night. I believe in second and third honeymoons. I believe that at some point you have to remember what it was like to love your husband recklessly and messily.
Even if you have to schedule the time to do it.

The Vegas Countdown {24 hours till launch}

In 24 hours I will be in Sin City.
Four days, me and the Hubbs, without the kids.
This has never happened before.
A real Vacation, just the two of us. How many days before we hate each other? Can we really exist without kids for 4 days? I mean how many days before my bitchy resting face gets old?
Thankfully our neighbor friends are going too. Hopefully they will still love me and my bitchy resting face. Also hopefully we (the Crutchfields) won't embarrass ourselves. Oh, wait, they're our neighbors. Been there.  Done that.
It's been years since I went to Vegas. The last time I was there it was for my friends bachelorette party. I was married, but without kids. It was weird. I felt old then. That was 7 years ago.

Dress bought just for this trip
Ignore white bra strap.

I don't even know what to wear. I have 3 dresses for night life. A maxi dress for lounging and travel. Shorts and tanks for day. And the highest platforms sandals I bought in the heat of the moment. Can I even walk in them??? And does maxi dress say, "I'm too old for this shit?"

Day time outfit inspiration via Pinterest

Last week the Hubbs asked me if I could do my make up  like Andy in Devil Wears Prada. What's that, he asked. A smoky eye, I said. Can you do that? Uh, maybe? Can you teach an old broad new make up tricks?

Pinned this pic so I can attempt smoky eye.
I have a feeling it's going to be more "raccoon" eye.

I don't even know what songs to include on a play list. Does Kids Bop count? Will I be the only one dancing to the hits of yesteryear? Please tell me there is a retro bar in Vegas that plays oldies. Which according to a radio station in town, is NSync. Yes, NSync. Bye, Bye, Bye youth.
What's an 35 year old mommy going to do in Sin City?

Crazy tall plats that are an accident begging to happen.

I'll be in Vegas in 24 hours. Hold me.