I must confess that I am in an Absolute Funk! For the last 2 weeks I have been Angry Mommy, Pissed off Mommy, Screaming Mommy, Tired Mommy, Irritated Mommy, and my favorite Bitchy Mommy. I can't for the life of me shake it. I have no idea why. It's like everything in my life, driving on the street, shopping in Target, or working at my favorite Starbucks has me acting like a crazy person.
Ok here are a few of the things that have been driving me bonkers. First and foremost my 4 year old. I love her to pieces, but she is her mothers daughter. Since she turned for she has been in a constant state of PMS and so have I. A few days ago she woke up whining and crying. I heard her going on and on, in the whining voice that I absolutely LOVE (sarcasm!), about how awful it was that she couldn't eat cake pops for breakfast. Mind you, she hadn't even asked or even gotten out of bed. It was seriously not even 8 am. I knew it was going to be a long day!
Another thing that has been driving me up the wall is the fact that my one year old has taken to screaming when she is not being held, carried, coddled, or cuddled. So pretty much all the time. She has this scream that sounds like Thomas the Tank engine's whistle on steroids. It's like nails on a chalk board. I try and try to placate with anything else in the world, but nothing works. She just wants me to hold her. So last week she had Oreos before breakfast so I could cook breakfast. Orange Soda in the afternoon so I could do the dishes that were now covering the sideboard. Chocolate chips at 5:30 so I could try in vain to make one dinner everyone would eat.
So you're probably thinking I have the worst behaved kids in the universe. Yeah, I'm thinking that too. I'm so frustrated because I feel like I've lost control. Lost my grip on parenting reality. When did they turn into little monsters and when did I turn into bitch of the year. I swear all I have done for 2 weeks is yell at them. WHY ARE WE CRYING? WHAT ARE YOU SCREAMING ABOUT? WHY CAN'T YOU JUST EAT THESE OREOS? Not my Momma Best if you know what I mean.
How do I break this cycle? I have no idea. I've been trying to TIME OUT, instead of yelling. It's not working that great. When Caitlin turns on the whining, I ask her 3 times to stop, if it continues TIME OUT. It's a start, right? With Mac, I have not idea. She doesn't even understand how to use a straw properly, will she really understand the mechanics of time out?
And now for the biggest reason for my FUNK... I'm so sad and guilt ridden that I'm taking this funk out on my kiddos. It's not their fault that I'm tired and frustrated. Ok, so they cause some of it, but I know there are lots of moms who don't lash out at the kids. I'm in a funk, because I want a little sliver of time for myself. I want to blog more. I have 3 writing contests I want to enter, but my concentration is zilch! I have a new Kindle sitting there, laughing at me, because I haven't had the chance to enjoy it. I have piles and piles of laundry, that is clean, but certainly not put away. I have a sink of endless dishes. So no, I won't have anytime to myself. Oh and I almost forgot, I have kids that need some serious behavior boot camp. Looks like my husband should have just saved that Kindle for Christmas, since that's the earliest it's going to get used.
Say a prayer for me my dear readers. That I can whip these girls into shape. That I can whip myself into shape. I'm in a FUNK. It sucks. I don't want to be Mean Mommy. It's the worst title ever. I don't even want to be Worlds Greatest Mommy. I just want to be Mommy. Who loves the kids no matter how much they whine, who can sometimes sneak away to pee (alone), and who can take the heat! I want to be myself again...
Here's to a fresh start, freshly dyed roots, and hopefully a Trenta Black tea in my future. Also I'm leaving the Kindle in the bathroom, sure I'm in the shower (ha ha). Oh, and I got to blog. All in 30 minutes or less. It's not a cure for this funk, but it's a start!