Mother of the Year!

The other night after a fun and exciting week of sickness, I was cracking up at my friend Jen on Facebook.  She just started a blog of her own which I love.  It's called "Dear Nathalie, Love Mom" and it's short and sweet letters to her daughter.  My reason for cracking up, wasn't her blog, but her Facebook post.  It was midnight and her post said "My five year old is still awake. #motheroftheyear."  Hilarious because we have all nominated our self as mother of the year at one time or another.  I nominate myself for mother of the year on a pretty consistent basis.  Let me be clear that this is not an award I want.  Yet, mother of the year is a chance to sigh and laugh and take pleasure in the fact that you will have more opportunities to mess up your child in the years to come.  That for most of us they won't remember these mess ups because they are blinded by their love for us.  Why else would they continually cry for you after you just yelled at them and put them in time out? 
Reason I should get Mother of the Year - choose your favorite


Oreos for breakfast. 
Typical on mornings where Facebook and PerezHilton are far more interesting than Ming Ming and the damn phone that won't stop ringing.  For the love of God answer that phone!!!  Oreos for breakfast when I'm trying to cook an actual breakfast and my one year old is literally trying to crawl up my body like a rat.  Oreos for breakfast when I just need to wash my hair so the other moms at the gymnastics class think I'm well groomed and somewhat put together.  Oreos for breakfast when I'm out of peanut butter cups.


Soda in sippy cups
See Oreos for breakfast for reference


Waiting until the last minute to take a child to the doctor
My favorite story - 2 Christmases ago Caitlin walked around with a cough and complained for a week.  It wasn't until the following week when she complained of an earache that I actually took her to a doctor.  The diagnosis?  Bronchitis and a double ear infection.  AWESOME - and the award goes to?  Uh yeah ME!


No bedtime at all
My children do not have a bedtime because I have been to lazy to institute one.  Sue me.  My children are both co-sleepers - add another nomination for that one.  Again sue me.  Until you deal with a child who stopped naps at 18 months and has refused to sleep alone her entire 4 years of life, you have no idea.  If I didn't sleep with one or both of my kids I would never sleep.  Then I would go crazy.  More crazy than now.  Believe me you do not want that!!


I love McDonalds!
Fast Food was created for women who know how to cook but find other things to do.  I love fast food and I can't even eat it.  What better way to say I love you than to present a meal that comes with a cool (albeit cheap) toy.  McDonalds have saved the day on many occasion.  I will not pass judgement on Ronald McDonald and his fortress of fat. 


TV Rules!!
No TV will not kill my child.  It won't destroy her brain or make it rot.  My TV is on all day and I don't feel bad about it.  Both my children have had the benefit of learning Mandarin Chinese from our TV, so take that fancy preschool.  We are learning shapes, numbers, and the alphabet.  You can bet your ass that your parents would have had the TV on 24hours a day if there was NickJr 30 years ago.  So what.  My kids have also watched Glee, Twilight, Family Guy, and Keeping up with the Kardashians.  Kourtney Kardashian taught Caitlin where babies come from, and I will happily thank her. 

Starbucks
Starbuck is my last vice.  In my 33 years I have given up bread and bagels, cigarettes, and alcohol.  Iced Tea, Dr. Pepper, and caffeine in general is my last vice.  My last stab at actual addiction.  I will not feel bad about Starbucks, so if that means I'm buying 2 additional talls to enjoy a moment of serenity, fine.  They never drink the whole thing and that just leaves the rest for me.  A true win-win situation in my book.

Bribes, bribes, and more bribes
If you don't bribe your child, then God bless you and your wisdom.  The art of the bribe is not lost on me, or my girls.  Please do xyz and you will get abc.  Every time you potty on the potty you get these M&Ms.  If you go to gymnastics class and don't cry then we can go to Starbucks.  Please don't throw yourself on the ground in Target at this moment and Mommy promises to buy you a cake pop, a tall black tea sweetened, and the $80 My Little Pony set.  Bribes - they make parenting look easy.

Little White Lies
The white lies that you tell your kid to make your life easier.  Can we go to free play at ballet today?  No they are closed.  It's Tuesday.  Can we have chocolate chip pancakes for breakfast?  Oh Mommy doesn't know how to make those - only Daddy can make them and he is working.  Can you buy me the new (pony/princess/Disney) whatever?  Sure for Christmas.  The possibilities are endless.

I'm sure I'm forgetting some good ones, but that's the best part of Mother of the Year.  The job is never ending.  At some point you will be crowned and get to enjoy the rein.  Until then, I'll be sitting here with my tiara, waiting for my next competition. 

Happy Blogging,
Megan

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