This Mother's Day {twenty fourteen}

"I think sometimes the best mothers are simply those who  make the decision to love their children everyday, regardless of what happens.  It sounds easy, really, but as an experienced mother,  I know how very hard that can be." -Tish Frazier, Sea Change by Karen White
I spent my first Mother's Day pregnant and hopeful. Swaddled in dreams and ideas. Naive to the fact that motherhood was going to be anything but picture perfect. I was fat and happy and most likely on my second pint of rocky road.
I spent my second Mother's Day in a zombie like state, exhausted and miserable. I was unhappy and disappointed with the way motherhood had panned out. I had been a mother for almost a year and still I had no idea what I was doing. No idea if it was the right way or the wrong way. It was a Mother's Day spent simply trying to survive.
By my third Mother's Day, I had a better handle on the situation. I was happier. I had found my footing. I had found my way of doing this thing called motherhood and it felt good and it felt right. It finally felt like a Mother's Day. It made me believe in Mother's Day, and look forward to more. 
Sunday will be my seventh Mother's Day, and I welcome it. It doesn't scare me or disappoint me anymore. I have no grand expectations for Mother's Day, because I no longer have grand expectations for motherhood. I want my Mother's Day to be just like my regular "mother days", doing the ordinary and finding magic in that. I want to wake up and read the paper. I want to eat a meal that's still hot. Or maybe one that someone else cooks. I want to wear pajamas all day or go to Target just because. I want to spend time with my girls taking selfies, or baking cupcakes. I want to spend Mother's Day enrobed in motherhood.
This year I will to spend Mother's Day swaddled in the new idea that I am a good mother. Possibly the best in my children's eyes. I will to spend this Mother's Day loving them and loving this life as a mother. I will to make the decision to love them, and enjoy this day, regardless of what happens. Regardless of the spilled milk, the crayon markings on the wall, the night waking, the two am feedings of my past. Regardless of the back talk and the whining, of the messy rooms and the crumbs in the carpet, of my present. Regardless of the fighting and bickering and the tattling, in my future. I want to consciously spend Mother's Day being a good mother, regardless.
I want you to do that too, if you are a mother. Because you made that decision too, whether you know it or not. You decided to love your children regardless of circumstance or reason. Wake up Sunday swaddled in the new idea that you are quite possibly the best mother in the eyes of your children. Because when it comes down to it, it's their opinion that matters most.
Happy Mother's Day.



Just a quick note to Thank my Mama for being the best mother a girl could ask for. I love you Mom! Thanks for letting me be me and loving me anyway.