The asshole in the dress {what do I wear to Elevate?}

With Elevate just three days away, I thought it would be important to share with you the story of how I became know as the "asshole in the dress". In addition to that, I've also come to reference the term "asshole in the dress" when trying to decide what to wear in high pressure situations. 

Almost four years ago, my bestie and I were invited to a Christmas party at the home of another friend in our circle. The idea was that a bunch of us moms were going to get together, dress the part, and relax with desserts and wine. It sounded wonderful and fun, since the only thing I was wearing in those days were yoga pants and sweatshirts (ok so that hasn't really changed). I was so excited, and since I was down to my pre Caitlin weight, I decided on a red dress that I had bought after Caitlin's second Christmas at The Loft. Let's talk about said dress for a moment. It was poinsettia red, with fabric roses around the v-neck of the dress. It was a bias cut so it didn't hug all the wrong places, and it was $19.99. I'm not even joking, down from $98. I had bought it with no place to go, but for $19.99, I mean, I just had to buy it. 

So with a cup of cheer in my heart I wore that shit with abandon. With black opaque tights and ankle boots. Sure it was freezing in Fresno a week before Christmas, but I didn't care, I was wearing a dress. My hair was clean, MY EYEBROWS WERE FILLED. I was on the town, with my bestie. Who, and I should have taken a cue, was wearing nice trouser jeans and a cropped jacket. Very chic, and yet very sensible. All cues were lost on me.

When we got to the party I was the only one dressed up. My BF in her trouser jeans was over dressed, and me, standing in the doorway in a red dress and tights, was the asshole in the dress. I mean the hostess was wearing jeans and slippers. Most of the guests were in sweaters and flats. But oh no, not me, I had to bring it and get all dolled up for a night on the couch. Not only did I freeze my ass off, but I'm forever known as the asshole in the dress.

This is the main reason I've been so obsessed with getting the right outfit for Elevate. Heaven forbid that I'm the "asshole in the dress" with so many of my peers as witness. I've tried on so many things that I don't even know whats good anymore. I can't even tell if what I'm wearing is fashionable or soccer mom. So today I'm gonna lay them all out and let you all decide. Which is kind of a joke, because I probably wear something totally different on Saturday. Anyway cast your vote in the comments and I'll try and make a decision.

Coral and navy maxi.
Super comfy and breezy in case its hot like last year.
But also maternity and I'm not pregnant.
And what if a pregnant blogger wears it and my food baby is bigger than her bump?

 KLR maxi. Super comfy. And super slimming. But hmmm.
I still can't decide if it's enough for Elevate.
Don't get me wrong I love it, but I've kind of decided to wear it to Disney the next day.
Did I say Disney?  Shh. Don't tell the kids!

Shorts and wedges. Not really sure about the wedges.
I mean white shoes? But the tank is so flowy and comfy.
And this eliminates the "asshole in the dress" debate.
PS: this is the most liked look on Instagram.
This was the worst liked of all my choices when I posted this picture to Instagram yesterday.
Unfortunately, it's actually my favorite.
It's what I'm most comfortable in, and let's be honest, 
this is pretty much the uniform of Absolute Mommy.

But this look with the red skinnies and the chambray top is also a favorite. 
It's also one of my uniforms, and if I add some accessories, it's not a bad look.
I may even add Toms to it, in the event of the weather.
But my weather app, and the actual weather have been at odds.
Can someone please tell me what the weather is going to be like in Newport on Saturday?

So that is pretty much it. I'm still so confused. I feel like Elevate is such a big deal, but then I remember that most of the people there are friends, and they would probably love me if I showed up in yoga pants and a sweatshirt. I won't, but I've thought about it. Actually if I can't decide, I might just wear this:

Only kind of joking...

Please cast your vote for the outfits in the comments.
I don't want to be the "asshole in the dress".


  1. FYI I'm wearing a maxi dress I found in Old the maternity section. I'm hoping no one is wearing it either. Lol...oh I hope not. As I've said before - you are going to look cute in anything you is blind...and we all love you:) And now that I look at the black maxi dress with the flowy top? it's definitely a good one...and yes, so you! 'cause you're a hottie like that...

  2. Ooh, I totally love the one you said was the worst liked on Instagram- the tank and black skirt. I didn't think the tank looked right with the white shorts, so I was going to suggest you wear the tank with something else on bottom, and you totally did! So that's my pick, but I seriously love the last outfit too. I don't think there is any rule that says you have to dress up! I haven't decided yet, but I'm pretty sure pants and a cute top will be my friend. Honestly the top I really want to wear is a sweater, but I might die. Can't wait to see you again!

  3. I like the shorts and the tank! But mostly because I am trying to not wear a dress so the more people not wearing dresses the better... haha. But that outfit is really cute. Make sure to tell me what you are wearing so I can pack something tonight... I still am just playing on going naked.

    1. Planning on going naked. Bahahahaha! No that would be an epic Elevate outfit. What did you wear to Elevate? Ahhh

  4. I still wear maternity dresses, whateves. They fit me great! I like the blue & white dress the best, but I think the tank & black skirt might be more comfortable after a day of yummy food - I know you know what I mean. I'm wearing a knee length cotton dress. It was a "flowy" skirt so that I can enjoy said food All. Day. Long. and not have to suck in my fat stomach. Oh, and I'm wearing wedges but bringing flats too. My feet will probably hurt half way through, but I never get to dress up so I want to at least try and look presentable when I first get there.

  5. I think you should wear the KLR maxi!! With the right accessories it can be 'dressed up' or 'dressed down.' And you look smokin' in it!! BUT... I also love the red skinnies & chambray top! You'll look adorable and very un-assholy in anything you decide on, I promise! ;)

  6. My pick would be the blue/white maxi. But if you're already wearing that somewhere it. Disney? Take me!! My next pick would be the black maxi skirt with the tank. I don't know why but it has this totally cute, flowy, hippie vibe and you look adorable. Third would be the red skinnies.

    BTW, you're always cute. And your "food baby vs. real baby" thing seriously cracked me up.

    As far as the asshole in the dress, you've got a friend in me. I wear dresses all. of. the. time. Especially in the summer. To every single wedding, baby shower, bridal shower, office event, hired photography session...the works. I think it's better to be over dressed than those underdressed assholes. :)

  7. I LOVE the red jeans and chambray top - Comfy and cute! My votes for a lllll comfy. Girl, wear whatever you want! :) thats my vote. I'm not even putting up the million things I tried on for vote - I'm going with cozy!

  8. Love the red jeans and chambray top! I have no idea what I'm wearing, but I promise I won't judge you no matter what you wear! Can't wait to meet you!

  9. I like the shorts and tank top too!

  10. My expectation of this dress was not high. However, when I received it in the mail and tried it on, it completely blew me away! It was so beautiful and figure flattering.
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