With Elevate just three days away, I thought it would be important to share with you the story of how I became know as the "asshole in the dress". In addition to that, I've also come to reference the term "asshole in the dress" when trying to decide what to wear in high pressure situations.
Almost four years ago, my bestie and I were invited to a Christmas party at the home of another friend in our circle. The idea was that a bunch of us moms were going to get together, dress the part, and relax with desserts and wine. It sounded wonderful and fun, since the only thing I was wearing in those days were yoga pants and sweatshirts (ok so that hasn't really changed). I was so excited, and since I was down to my pre Caitlin weight, I decided on a red dress that I had bought after Caitlin's second Christmas at The Loft. Let's talk about said dress for a moment. It was poinsettia red, with fabric roses around the v-neck of the dress. It was a bias cut so it didn't hug all the wrong places, and it was $19.99. I'm not even joking, down from $98. I had bought it with no place to go, but for $19.99, I mean, I just had to buy it.
So with a cup of cheer in my heart I wore that shit with abandon. With black opaque tights and ankle boots. Sure it was freezing in Fresno a week before Christmas, but I didn't care, I was wearing a dress. My hair was clean, MY EYEBROWS WERE FILLED. I was on the town, with my bestie. Who, and I should have taken a cue, was wearing nice trouser jeans and a cropped jacket. Very chic, and yet very sensible. All cues were lost on me.
When we got to the party I was the only one dressed up. My BF in her trouser jeans was over dressed, and me, standing in the doorway in a red dress and tights, was the asshole in the dress. I mean the hostess was wearing jeans and slippers. Most of the guests were in sweaters and flats. But oh no, not me, I had to bring it and get all dolled up for a night on the couch. Not only did I freeze my ass off, but I'm forever known as the asshole in the dress.
This is the main reason I've been so obsessed with getting the right outfit for Elevate. Heaven forbid that I'm the "asshole in the dress" with so many of my peers as witness. I've tried on so many things that I don't even know whats good anymore. I can't even tell if what I'm wearing is fashionable or soccer mom. So today I'm gonna lay them all out and let you all decide. Which is kind of a joke, because I probably wear something totally different on Saturday. Anyway cast your vote in the comments and I'll try and make a decision.
KLR maxi. Super comfy. And super slimming. But hmmm.
I still can't decide if it's enough for Elevate.
Don't get me wrong I love it, but I've kind of decided to wear it to Disney the next day.
Did I say Disney? Shh. Don't tell the kids!
This was the worst liked of all my choices when I posted this picture to Instagram yesterday.
Unfortunately, it's actually my favorite.
It's what I'm most comfortable in, and let's be honest,
this is pretty much the uniform of Absolute Mommy.
But this look with the red skinnies and the chambray top is also a favorite.
It's also one of my uniforms, and if I add some accessories, it's not a bad look.
I may even add Toms to it, in the event of the weather.
But my weather app, and the actual weather have been at odds.
But my weather app, and the actual weather have been at odds.
Can someone please tell me what the weather is going to be like in Newport on Saturday?
So that is pretty much it. I'm still so confused. I feel like Elevate is such a big deal, but then I remember that most of the people there are friends, and they would probably love me if I showed up in yoga pants and a sweatshirt. I won't, but I've thought about it. Actually if I can't decide, I might just wear this:
