A funny thing happened on my way to thirty six years old. I actually got old. I know what you are thinking, "I see your selfies every day, you don't look thirty six". Well thank you and God bless you, but damn if I'm not every bit of thirty six these days. I've got sun spots on my hands and legs. Crows feet and laugh lines on my face. I've got grey hair to put your granny to shame and this time last year I had to cut bangs to cover up a bald spot. Getting old ain't pretty or for sissies. But I could cover the grey hair with box dyes and quarterly trips to the salon. The bangs to cover up the bald spot were a wise choice since they made me appear more youthful. And let's face it, we can hide our age these days if we tweak our Instagram filters just right. All of these things I could handle, until I discovered, poetically three weeks before I turned thirty six, that I was occasionally peeing my pants.
Yes, you read that correctly I started peeing my pants.
And not in the post baby, I jumped up to get the phone or I just sneezed and pee came out kind of way. I was peeing my pants in the way that as I was standing at work one day talking to a co-worker and suddenly I peed a little. My first reaction was "Are you effing serious right now?", and my second reaction was to call AARP. A quick Google search lead me to the term "Light Bladder Leakage" or "LBL" as the folks at Poise call it. Yes, I said Poise, the ones that make bladder control products that you pass on your way to the Tampax and Kotex, because your vagina is still young and viable.
Sorry, I got bitter there for a minute. Let me go back.
I was crushed to realize that I was becoming that lady. The one to occasionally pees trying to be as discreet at possible. Which is really hard when your basket at Target is filled with Tampax, Kotex, chicken nuggets, and suddenly Poise pads. It's enough to crush your "Forty is the new Thirty" idea you have set for yourself. But I realized, I can either be embarrassed by the fact that I have something called "LBL" or I can embrace it. You know me, just another obstacle in becoming a fabulous old lady with real old lady problems.
Research tells me that one in three women suffer from light bladder leakage, and like me it embarrasses them a little. Most likely because we are young and our LBL is a product of childbirth. Most of us with LBL use regular feminine products to deal with LBL because we are not ready to jump into the world of products designed for bladder control issues. Trust me, I was super discouraged to think I would have to dive into that world alone, but then I got this email about Poise Microliners and decided that a "microliner" was something my aging ego and bladder could handle.
The new Poise Microliners, with Super Absorbent Material (SAM) look just like your regular run of the mill panty liner. They are paper thin, and make you think they are way to small to handle an issue as big as LBL, but they are mighty. They are designed to neutralize odor and stay three times drier than a regular panty liner. They are also super discreet in pretty lavender pouches. Your husband will still look at them like they will burn his hands, should he have to touch them as they sit in your purse next to you car keys. Men, seriously, would die if they had vaginas. Seriously.
And look, the box isn't even scary. It looks friendly and hopeful. Like it's sympathetic to your old lady issue, while maintaining that you're still young and hip and people will still like you. Ok, I just made that up to feel better about the whole situation.
Being thirty six isn't that awful. It's just that age surprises you. It seems like I was just thirteen and completely mortified to have to buy pads at the drugstore, and Lord help me if a cute boy was at the register. Now, I'm just that old lady who blogs about her vagina and it's old lady problems. My husband is so proud of me, and completely embarrassed for me. That's what happens when you get old. Nothing embarrasses you anymore. Not even your LBL.
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