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| Time for some real talk, m'kay? |
Let's have some real talk shall we?
I've been trying to write since Saturday night. My little Chrome book that could, has decided that it cannot. I'm trying to reset the entire thing as we speak, but Saturday night was a big cluster of me cussing and crying about all the writing I wasn't doing.
It's been tough since I took this full time gig to get any kind of writing done. The plan was to spend Saturday writing, since it was my first Saturday off in almost a month. But then when Saturday got here I realized that there were one hundred and one things that needed to be done as well. Like buy some new work clothes, make a trip to Trader Joe's, and a the last minute a birthday party we forgot about. We never made it to Traders, but we did have lunch at the Habit, as a family. The Hubbs idea, and it was an excellent one. So my Saturday was spent running the errands that I didn't have time for during the week. And then, at nine o'clock last night I sat down to hammer out my thoughts and, BAM. No laptop. I fought with that thing for almost an hour, gave up and turned on the episode of The Mindy Project that I had missed. Because of work.
I realize that for most people, not blogging or writing on a daily basis seems like no big deal. And I guess when you boil it down, like say in comparison to saving the world, or at least making a dinner that doesn't use a microwave, it's small potatoes. Unless you are a writer. Because when you are a writer, your brain never stops writing. In fact it continues to write until you can no longer sleep, or make a decent to do list, because your brain is full of stories. Fiction or non-fiction. It doesn't matter. Soon all the stories take over.
I try to write out the ideas. I try to make lists. I try to keep a schedule. But life. Life is so full and chaotic. When I'm not working I'm momming, and when I'm not momming, I'm sleeping. I even contemplated starting to work out again, and then realized, when? When I'm supposed to sleep or eat or watch TV with the Hubbs? And in case you are wondering, watching TV with the Hubbs is one of my favorite things to do.
I was talking to my best friend the other day and I told her that I'm really proud of this blog. Lately, you probably couldn't tell. It seems kind of desolate after the last three years. Still, I'm proud at how far my writing has come, but I'm and I'm proud of the fact that I'm still writing it. Even if it's only once a week. Because it's rare that I stick with something for so long. That's how I know it's more than a hobby or something fun that I I like to do. Writing is now a part of me. A part of my life. Something that I want to do, but honestly something I must do. Like breathing and eating, I also must write.
Which brings me to now, Sunday night, after an eight hour shift at the store. A late dinner of soup and grilled cheese. The kids need a bath, we need to read stories, and I really want to watch Thursday's How to Get Away with Murder. I have blog posts to write, ideas to flush out, but honestly, I'm tired. I'm taking this twenty minutes to write my heart out before I set up some "posts": the "Instagram" re-caps, the "life lately"s. Because my brain and my heart are currently in two different places. And for now that has to be okay. My hope is that I will find the time to write, just a little every night. If my laptop cooperates, maybe I can edge out some fifteen minute moments. Some days that is all I need.
But I do need to be here. Even if it's for just twenty minutes. These days I'll take what I can get.
