New Year's Eve was spent in the comfort of my living room, in the comfort of my favorite leggings, playing card games with my neighbors while our children played at a very high volume. There was food, there was fun, and there was sparkling cider for everyone. I'd say that it was a quiet night, but that's impossible when you have seven adults and seven children under the same roof on the most exciting night of the year. And even though I wasn't drunk like the new years eves of my past, it was till exciting. It was the first time both my kids stayed up, which was a blessing and a curse, since kids under six don't do well with a two am bedtime. It was the best way to end a wonderful year that was so full of life and love and people. Because it was the people, many of them who were in my living room who made 2013 what it was.
New Year's Day was a day spent with family, some from out of town and some in town. It was the best way to start a new year. More people, more life, and more love to share. Sure we were tired, hungover with lack of sleep and too much food, but it didn't matter much. We had more food and less drink, and for Mackenzie a little more sleep. It was all in all a great day. Just the kind you want to start 2014.
Like many of the bloggers out there I picked a word for 2014, it's a good one, but today I felt like I needed more words. I feel like one word, to guide my entire year is really very limiting. I'm a writer, I live and breathe by words. They make my world go round. I'm not ready to share my word or words just yet. I'm still working on soaking them all in. I'm writing about them to really find out how they will guide me and sustain me in 2014. There are big changes ahead for me, but I don't necessarily want to change who I am. So how can my words for 2014 help guide me through change, but not change me at my core? I'm working to find that out.
It's true that I made resolutions and declarations for 2014, but those are really ideas and guidance. Everyone needs a road map. The New Year can be so exciting, because we think it's the only time we can start fresh. The only time of the year that we can make changes big and small. I find that I believe that too. This year I hope to remember that every day is a new chance at a fresh start. Some days I may need one, other days I may not, but fresh starts will be there for the taking.
I've spent the last few days in thought as I put away Christmas decorations and throw out empty boxes and tissue paper. How do I want to spend this year? It really feels like the end of an era for me. I'll be resigning from my part time seasonal job to start a new part time job. I'll now be considered a part time working mom, whatever that really means. For the first time since having my girls I will really have to decline invitations, I will most likely miss things that happen during working hours, and I know for a fact that since I will be working some nights I will miss a few bedtimes. That is all new for me. That fresh start, clean slate feeling has been amplified. I'm nervous, but I'm excited. And even though I know that missing good night kisses for the first time will reduce me to tears, I will also have the confidence as a mother that I didn't always have. I'm sure I will still struggle with some guilt, but it won't be debilitating. And any worries I have, will most likely disappear with a new routine, a new life style and a new way of "momming". Like I said, big changes ahead.
Last night I went to bed in sweats that are older than Mackenzie. Isn't that crazy? Clothes that are older than my baby. It made me wonder how I got here. Did I even realize that with every day that passed, every month we survived, every year on the books, that I was growing? Did I even stop to notice for one moment that we built this? The Hubbs and I. This family, this life. My first Christmas as a mom was so hard, I remember being a zombie, not really enjoying the moments. I remember Mac's first Christmas being full and chaotic, but being just as tired. And while Christmas with kids will always be exhausting, it's a different kind of exhausting now. This kind of exhausting is the kind that leaves you content. It makes you realize that there is no place on earth you would rather be. Sure New York at Christmas is beautiful I'm sure, but for now, right here, is where I want to be. Even if the decibel level is off the charts, even if the floor is covered in wrapping paper, even if every damn dish in the house is dirty. This is my mess, this is my chaos, this is the house that we built.
This is my last post for about a week. I've had to come to terms with that. I'm not sure I'm going to have the time to set up a few to publish any next week. I start my new job and that seems challenging enough right now. I'm holding on tightly to my words of the year. I'm replaying my song for 2014 in my head. I'm repeating my 2014 mantra as we speak. I want to make 2014 a great year, with big goals and new successes. But for right now, I'm going to take my time and bask in the clean fresh glow of the New Year.
