The writer in me...

Are you a writer?  Is there an inner monologue just dying to get out? 

Am I a writer or a blogger?  Both?  Are they the same?

Pinterest: Lesley Muratella via postteenageliving.com

It's no secret that I love to write.  Well blog, if you will.  I have always had a love for writing and reading, but for some reason I didn't persue it until way later.  Like at 33 years old.  So why did I wait so long?

I was scared.  I was afraid that I wasn't really a writer.  That I really didn't have a voice or something to say.  It took me a full year to start a blog.  No seriously, I thought about it for a full year.  Now I'm wondering why I waited so long.

I started my blog to put down all the thoughts I had on motherhood, on identity crisis (my own), and on life.  I didn't know that it would be a place to work out all the things that were heavy on my heart.  I didn't know that it would make me think about my actions more clearly.  That it would help me filter the good and bad.  That it would expose me to others that thought like me and felt like me.  It was a blessing in disguise. 

My main goal was to reach out to others who were fumbling through motherhood like me.  To let them know that we needed to look at motherhood a little differently.  To loosen our grip on perfection.  I connected with so many people it's been AMAZING.

I want to be a writer.  I write all the time.  Like in my head when I'm supposed to be making dinner, or falling asleep.  I think about blog posts, and make up little short stories about my day.  Like in a narrative voice in my head.  Like a crazy person, I'm narrating my day like it's the next great American novel.  It's crazy right?  Well, if you too, consider yourself a writer then you may understand. 

I can't tell you how many poems have been written on napkins.  How many blog posts on old reciepts, ATM envelopes, or post it notes.  You shouldn't text and drive, but you shouldn't blog on the back of a paper giftbag and drive either.  True story.

I'm still afraid to say the word.  Writer.  I'm more likely to use the word "blogger".  Even then it gets stuck in my throat.  Why?  I have no idea.

I'm still trying to find my place in this blogging community.  You would think that after a year I would know who I am, and what I'm saying.  I still have no idea.  I still blog about whatever I feel like.  I like to think of my blog as my own, very public, journal.  So sometimes it's about fantasy, sometimes it's reality, but I promise it's all me. 

My voice.  My thoughts.  My life.

Blogging is my new hobby.  Writing is my life's passion. 

One day I just may call myself a writer, with confidence. 

For now I'm AbsoluteMommy.

What's your inner monologue saying? 

Happy Birthday America!! {4th of July}

Happy 4th of July to all my friends in bloggy land.

John and I have been celebrating the 4th since we met. 

That would be 12 years this year people! 

And though I don't think we will ever have a year to top the first

(skinny dipping, drunken firework debauchery),

in my book the years get better and better. 

My hubbs loves this holiday, so while you read this,

we are at the annual Crutchfield 4th of July BBQ

at his dad's house, just like year one

(without the skinny dipping, right?). 

Stay tuned for a re-cap, and while you do...

Enjoy some pics from some amazing 4ths.

Have a safe and happy 4th.

2010

Fireworks people!

Pay attention Dad!

2010

Uncle Eric and a sleeping baby Mac.

Mac just shy of 3 months.

And yes that's a Guiness in the background.



2010

Caitlin was a little freaked by the noise.



2010

Someone was super tired.

Can you guess who?



2011

We use a ladder for our fireworks show.

Doesn't everyone?





2011

Mac and her goofy toothy grin.

Happy Birthday America!!!


Linking up with these ladies today!

 

For more about me and my blog,

check out some of these:

Mom Revelations

Confirmation

Mother of the Year

Keepin' it Classy

Lunch with Grandpa

I talk a lot about my mom in this little space, but I rarely talk about my dad.  I don't know why, it's not like we aren't close.  I love the man with all my heart.  My dad is just kind of reserved.  He's a home body, a hermit crab as my mom calls him.  But something changed when I had my babies.  He became a grandpa, and that was a game changer for him.

My dad was involved in my life.  I'm not saying he wasn't, but he was like a buddy.  He'd pick me up from school on his days off and we would go to Monterey, just the two of us.  Go to the warf and buy salt water taffy.  Or instead of Monterey, go to Toys R Us and look around, pick out a new Barbie or two, and then go home and eat McDonald's.  That's how dad I and spent time together.

He taught me everything I needed to know about the Beatles, Jimmi Hendrix, and vinyl records.  He told me that even when I went to ask for a job application I needed to be dressed nice.  He taught me how to pour a perfect cup of beer from a keg... Something that made me a rockstar at fraternity parties years later.  He was also the man who would sneak into the sorority parking lot, take my car with his spare key, wash it, gas it up, and leave a 20 in the ashtray.  A hero among dads am I right?

Dad had rules though.  You didn't change the channel on Dad's TV.  Not ever.  Not even on Saturday mornings when you really, really wanted to watch Care Bears.  You also didn't eat cookies first thing.  A good, solid meal first and then something sweet. 

I'm telling you this because of what has happened to the man formerly known as Dad, who is now Grandpa.

Grandpa let a 2 year old Caitlin eat a chocolate chip cookie bigger than her head at 6:30 one morning when I dropped her off before work.  He also asked her what she wanted to watch on TV.  They settled on Barney.  And it was then, that I knew, that gruff guy, with the gruff voice, and sometimes cranky demeanor was all but gone.  He was now Grandpa, the snuggly bear, who was now cuddling my little one and her almost gone chocolate chip cookie.

Not much has changed since adding Mac into the mix.  If anything Mac has added to his laugh track.  Mac and Grandpa share a lot of the same sense of humor and a love of cats.  They love petting the cats in our lives and making eachother laugh with prat falls and funny faces. 

So it wasn't a big surprise when my dad asked his "girls" out to lunch last Friday.  My mom's out of town, and I think he was a little bored at home.  He took us to Caitlin's favorite place, Panera Bread, and bought us lunch.  A lunch that included sodas and incredibly large iced flower cookies.  Because that's how he rolls.  He also went out and bought Mac her own Dream Lites pillow pet when he learned that Mac wanted one of her own.  And posed for some pictures.  Just another day for a Grandpa.

It's one of those things that you don't really think about.  When you are so wrapped up in your own changes as a mother, you don't realize that your kids don't just change your life.  That you aren't the only one who gets to enjoy the riches and blessings of your little people. 

Sometimes you get a glimpse, proof that you don't have enough fingers and toes.

That there are not enough numbers in the world.

To count your blessings.

My June in Instagram {Photo A Day Recap}

How many of you participated in #photoadayjune?  I did!  It's such a blast and allows you to get super creative with your photos.  I love it, and I love viewing the interpretations of others on Instagram.  To sweeten the deal, Kimberly at A Night Owl Blog has decided to host a linky to recap all our photos!  AWESOME, since I love Instagram and linky parties and let's be honest, A Night Owl Blog!!

Here are the original promts. 

And here is my #photoadayjune. 

And I'll explain a little along the way.

 These are pretty self explainatory. 

With the exception that Don Draper makes hats look good. 

Incredibly good! 

Oh, and side note,

I'm just tall enough for the Chick-Fil-A play area!

I have to tell you that helping at Rachelle and Brian's wedding was an honor.

Also the best bit of my weekend was followed by a puking baby.

Hence, the door I saw the most... The dryer door!

Why is naked art the best art?

And the something you don't know about me...

My dream car is a Ford Falcon.

Imperfect mornings are my favorite.

Yes sometimes I sleep with my toddler.

And Caitlin was on my mind all month.

She turned five!!

We love to shop at Target, but apparently Walgreens too!

Thanks for the Dream Lights Walgreens.

Can you spot Mac in that sea of soft??

And how cute is her new BF??


It's always fun to see what everyone does with their prompts!  If you have your own photos link up!!  It's open for another five days!!

Have a great day, and if you're ready to play #photoaday, click here for #photoadayjuly!!



    

Click here to link up!!

Looking Back 1985 {A Linky Up}

Nineteen Eighty Five

Left

My 7th birthday, in my Alice in Wonderland dress.

Hence the white bow.

That's Linda's famous Christmas cake!!

Top

My chubby baby face.  Stay tuned.  That face changes!

Right

My BFFs of the moment.

I'm loving Eddie's blue CPK Members only Jacket

Left top and bottom

Disneyland always Disneyland.

I fell in love with the fantasy of it all.

Main Street blew my mind!

And to this day the Peter Pan ride is still my all time favorite!

Right

Me and Rabbit from Winnie the Pooh

It was Spring Break, and my pink dress and jellies

were birthday gifts!

In these 2 photos

The chubby baby face is gone.

I was sick all summer of 1985 and lost something like 15 pounds.

On the left it's August, according the the back of the picture.

Judging from the pumpkin it's October on the right.

The short hair is becuase our new condo had a pool.

And someone, would not abide by sitting for an hour to get her hair combed out!

Christmas 1985.

When I was too young to know that the new year

always brings hope and new beginnings.

My mother's expert tree trimming.

And I'm sure her chocolate cake was baking in the oven.

This is what my child hood looks like.

********************

1985.

It was some year for me.

You see it was the year I was sick. 

I was sick basically the entire year.

And if we had known then what we know now,

my life, my mother's life would have been completely different.

But we can't go back.

We can't change where we are now.

We can be grateful for those lessons we learned at 7.

To always stand your ground.

To keep asking questions.

To never take no for an answer.

I remember it being a very hard year,

yet looking at these pictures it was also a happy year.

In 1985 I made new best friends, Melanie and Sandy.

We played for hours.

I was inspired in Ms. Chester's class.

I went to Disneyland and had my autograph book filled!

I collected Cabbage Patch Kids for a lack of a better turn.

And I was knee deep in 1980s fashion.

I thought I was so, super cool.

Maybe I was.