The writer in me...

Are you a writer?  Is there an inner monologue just dying to get out? 

Am I a writer or a blogger?  Both?  Are they the same?

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Pinterest: Lesley Muratella via postteenageliving.com

It's no secret that I love to write.  Well blog, if you will.  I have always had a love for writing and reading, but for some reason I didn't persue it until way later.  Like at 33 years old.  So why did I wait so long?

I was scared.  I was afraid that I wasn't really a writer.  That I really didn't have a voice or something to say.  It took me a full year to start a blog.  No seriously, I thought about it for a full year.  Now I'm wondering why I waited so long.

I started my blog to put down all the thoughts I had on motherhood, on identity crisis (my own), and on life.  I didn't know that it would be a place to work out all the things that were heavy on my heart.  I didn't know that it would make me think about my actions more clearly.  That it would help me filter the good and bad.  That it would expose me to others that thought like me and felt like me.  It was a blessing in disguise. 

My main goal was to reach out to others who were fumbling through motherhood like me.  To let them know that we needed to look at motherhood a little differently.  To loosen our grip on perfection.  I connected with so many people it's been AMAZING.

I want to be a writer.  I write all the time.  Like in my head when I'm supposed to be making dinner, or falling asleep.  I think about blog posts, and make up little short stories about my day.  Like in a narrative voice in my head.  Like a crazy person, I'm narrating my day like it's the next great American novel.  It's crazy right?  Well, if you too, consider yourself a writer then you may understand. 

I can't tell you how many poems have been written on napkins.  How many blog posts on old reciepts, ATM envelopes, or post it notes.  You shouldn't text and drive, but you shouldn't blog on the back of a paper giftbag and drive either.  True story.

I'm still afraid to say the word.  Writer.  I'm more likely to use the word "blogger".  Even then it gets stuck in my throat.  Why?  I have no idea.

I'm still trying to find my place in this blogging community.  You would think that after a year I would know who I am, and what I'm saying.  I still have no idea.  I still blog about whatever I feel like.  I like to think of my blog as my own, very public, journal.  So sometimes it's about fantasy, sometimes it's reality, but I promise it's all me. 

My voice.  My thoughts.  My life.

Blogging is my new hobby.  Writing is my life's passion. 

One day I just may call myself a writer, with confidence. 

For now I'm AbsoluteMommy.

What's your inner monologue saying? 




12 comments:

  1. You ARE a writer, and no doubt will do great things with your talent! Have the confidence, sweetie... you are great!! :)
    {please send me a signed copy of your first novel, m'kay!?}

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  2. this is EXACTLY how i feel. exactly. true story. :) i love your blog. keep it up chickie!

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  3. Yes, I agree...you are a writer. Be proud!!!

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  4. I struggle with the same issues...I've always loved writing, but could never quite find it in myself to pursue it seriously. Now, even though I'm blogging regularly and somewhat feel like a "real" blogger, it makes me nervous to actually call myself a blogger. I can't imagine why, other than insecurity in my abilities. It's nice to hear that I'm not the only one who struggles with that!

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  5. LOL about blogging while you drive! I am always so inspired while I drive and think of my best ideas then...and by the time I get home to blog, I've forgotten it all and just fumble around my keyboard trying to sound as good as it did in my head...but it never does. I've seriously considered getting a small voice recorder for when I'm driving :)

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  6. You're so cute. .. . . I think about writing a ton too. And I always wonder if I'm a blogger...but I still need to focus MORE on being a wife.
    THANK YOU for this eye-opening post!

    we & serendipity

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  7. I love this post and I totally think you're a writer! I wanted to be an author when I was growing up but everyone always told me about the uncertainty of money so I gave up on that dream. Starting up my blog brings me back to what I love to do and I hope in some way or another, my 6 year old self is cheering for me. Keep on writing girl!

    Evani

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  8. I definitely know what you mean. My first novel was published a few months ago and I still have trouble thinking of myself as a "real" writer. But I keep on writing anyway because I love it.

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  9. I feel you on this one. I still say I'm a blogger instead of a writer. It feels weird to call myself a writer. I don't know why. And I have half written, scribbled, posts and ideas all over the house. Once I even made a note in lipstick on my bathroom mirror so I wouldn't forget it. Haha!

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  10. I know what you mean too! I have always loved writing, ever since I was a child. I have books and books filled with poems, essays and short stories. For some reason I never wanted to admit to myself, much less say out load that I wanted to be a writer. Even now at 27, when I am contemplating going back to school a little voice just keeps saying Write!

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  11. You just spoke to my heart. I have, for years, considered myself a writer. The day my first story was published while I was in Journalism school I called my mom and declared myself a writer. And now, that I work in a different field I have a tough time considering myself a "writer." Often I call myself a "blogger." But really what's we're all doing here is writing and I think of each of us as writers documenting our days no matter what the subject may be.

    Lovely post :)

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  12. Wow, I feel like you're reading my mind! I've felt the same exact way whenever I put my more heartfelt posts out there. For the record, I think you are a fantastic writer :)

    xo Shane

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