Confessions of an AbsoluteMommy

Sometimes I can go on a bit of a rant.  This is one of those days.  Sorry in advance, but I hope you can laugh about it with me.  Because if I can't laugh about life, then what's the point?

Confessions of an Absolute Mommy

I find gratifying satisfaction when I can load all the dirty dishes into the dishwasher.  I have no idea why.  It just feels like I've done something big.  Like discovered America. 
It's completely sick, but dishes are like the only household chore I actually enjoy. 

I hate Facebook posts about "genius children".  You know what I'm talking about.  "Amy says her ABCs and she's just 2, oh my Harvard here we come".  "Alex can read Fox in Sox!  WOW my 3 year old is a genius".   I'm sorry, but are these genius children still crapping their pants?  A genius does not crap their pants.  Show me a 2 year old, who goes on the pot, WIPES THEMSELVES, and flushes, and I will gladly call them a genius.  The key words being, WIPES THEMSELVES.  My 5 year old still calls me to "help".


I've been staying up super late (like 1am) to watch TV alone in the quiet.  I love the solitude.  Plus I love talking to my favorite characters on the screen, so if I'm alone in the rocker recliner no one looks at me like I'm mad.  I am however mad about Sookie Stackhouse, the new show Newsroom, and Brenda Leigh Johnson!

I have over 1000 likes on my Pinterest likes board, and I'm so overwhelmed by it.  Why don't I just repin my likes when I like it?  I have no idea.  I guess I think that not everyone will like what I like, and why bore them.  I think I need therapy for my Pinterest Liking addiction.

I am raising emotional eaters.  I'm dead serious.  When either of my kids gets hurt, I pop a Hershey's kiss in their mouth.  It's sick and twisted and I'm sure you are all calling the motherhood police.  But I do it.  I also offer ice cream as a bribe more often than not these days.  I'm amazed at the mileage of a vanilla cone.

I hate to vacuum, but do it more often these days because my husband believes that chips or crumbs in the carpet are grounds for divorce.  So why not make the man who works outside the home 12+ hours a day happy... Because the woman who works inside the house 24 hours a day is tired.  I vacuum anyway.

I have been enjoying this summer for the sheer fact that the hubbs likes to sit in the garage and have beers with the neighbors.  This means the kids go outside with him too.  That means that I can hide out in the house and read or watch tv, or go on Pinterest.  It's been amazing.

I've been having issues with posting to my blog daily.  I'm lazy, and sometimes uninspired.  Ok, I've been super uninspired lately.  Problem is, I feel like I'm missing out if I'm not posting everyday.  Will someone tell me this isn't the case.

I've been known to wear maxi dresses three days in a row, just so I don't have to shave my legs.  Look, my showers are rushed enough, without having to worry about cutting my leg off with a dull Venus razor.  That's the truth.

I'm completely over the fact the the "5K" marathon is the new black.  Most likely because I'm envious of anyone who loves to run.  I hate to run.  Fact: Running makes everything jiggle.  Everything.  And I'm not motivate to run long enough for them to stop jiggling.  Why can't we go back to "5vodKa martinis" as the new black? 

Pinned Image
Color Me Rad

Last Confession:
I'm such a follower that I'm going to jump off a bridge and join my friends in a 5K coming up.  A good friend of mine has said that she will walk it with me.  That's because we both agreed that while the "Couch to 5K" looks awesome on paper.  The couch looks better. 

Tell me it's not just me.  Tell me some mommy confessions of your own!

 And them link them up with these lovelies!!


Meet Delilah
She will make you laugh your ass off.
If you need that kind of thing.


  1. Absolutely with you on most of these! My husband finally convinced me to start running with him, which I have always hated. 2 weeks into it I'm still not liking it but I'm being stubborn and doing it anyway, despite the aching joints. You know those random thoughts you get sometimes - like watching a long chase scene in a really intense movie and suddenly asking yourself "could I run that much if I had to?" Yeah, eventually I'm going to be able to, even if I never end up liking it! :)

  2. BWAHAHAHA......Get in line behind me and the gazillion other mom's up for the "Mother of the Year award" At least your trying a 5k, i don't run unless i'm being chased! I often ponder 'why' people like to run, blech!! Walking is good, why not walk or ride a bike? I just don't get it!
    ~keep looking up~
    p.s. Did i mention my kiddos are having texas toast pizza for breakfast this a.m., yep mother of the year right here folks!!

  3. LOL I bribe Landon with candy and ice cream all the time. It's the only way the kid potty trained, and now eats breakfast, lunch and dinner. Since being home this summer he's spent 90% of the time on his iPad or watching TV. He has also been allowed to stay up till 11pm and wakes up at 9. I've enjoyed "sleeping" in. As for blogging I've lost interest in it. I post when I do and don't care that I've lost followers. I figure one day I'll get back into it. Until then I will continue not to care. Bad I know, but true.

  4. I stay up way too late these days too! Only so I can watch reality tv in silence. :) oh, and don't even get me started on bribing ny kids with snacks. My kids think the starbucks logo on anythjng means cake pop.

  5. So I just started the couch25k... again.... I made it through the first week and a half last time and quit. This time I got an app for my phone. Surely that little beeping sound will hold me accountable. ;)

  6. What??? The 5vodKa martinis aren't the new black??? Say it isn't so!

    LOL funny post!!!

  7. That is the kinda post I needed to read! While I understand that running is a great way to lose weight the JIGGLE is more mentally and emotionally challenging for me. I'm totally down for a 5vodKa Martini event might need to invite some girls over to tackle this challenge :) Thanks for the much needed laugh.

  8. Lol Megan this is my favorite post of yours so far! It's so honest and I relate to so much of it. While I'm not a Mommy myself, I have been in a hotel with 15 12-year-old boys and solitude is all I can dream about. I also HATE running and normally I never do it but a 5K is the only way I can fake myself into thinking I can at least survive a run. A 5K with friends will be fun! And I totally feel you about feeling the need to blog daily, I feel like I'll lose readers if I don't! But as a reader of yours, honestly I'd be more likely to read a good post even if it only happens 3 times a week than to just read filler all 7 days. I guess I should listen to my own advice....


  9. I got all excited when I read the bit about your kids and your husband in the garage, leaving you alone! I love when I get some quiet computer time all to myself!

  10. I can agree with way too many of these, so I'm just going to pick a couple! I love the hubby in the garage one... it's why cooking dinner is so much more fun and peaceful in the summer! I also SO agree with the raising emotional eaters one! I was thinking about that today as I bribed my kids 3 times with desserts...

    I'm SO happy that you linked up with the Mommy-Brain Mixer, friend! I hope to see you again next week! :)

  11. Hahahaha thanks for the laughs!! I am always exhausted in the morning because I stay up to o late to watch all of my shows! And I am SO psyched about Maxi dresses being in style for the same reason!!Hi! Stopping by from the Mommy Brain hop! Am now a new follower:) Would love if you could check out my blog: