Confessions of an Absolute Mommy
I find gratifying satisfaction when I can load all the dirty dishes into the dishwasher. I have no idea why. It just feels like I've done something big. Like discovered America.
It's completely sick, but dishes are like the only household chore I actually enjoy.
I hate Facebook posts about "genius children". You know what I'm talking about. "Amy says her ABCs and she's just 2, oh my Harvard here we come". "Alex can read Fox in Sox! WOW my 3 year old is a genius". I'm sorry, but are these genius children still crapping their pants? A genius does not crap their pants. Show me a 2 year old, who goes on the pot, WIPES THEMSELVES, and flushes, and I will gladly call them a genius. The key words being, WIPES THEMSELVES. My 5 year old still calls me to "help".
I've been staying up super late (like 1am) to watch TV alone in the quiet. I love the solitude. Plus I love talking to my favorite characters on the screen, so if I'm alone in the rocker recliner no one looks at me like I'm mad. I am however mad about Sookie Stackhouse, the new show Newsroom, and Brenda Leigh Johnson!
I have over 1000 likes on my Pinterest likes board, and I'm so overwhelmed by it. Why don't I just repin my likes when I like it? I have no idea. I guess I think that not everyone will like what I like, and why bore them. I think I need therapy for my Pinterest Liking addiction.
I am raising emotional eaters. I'm dead serious. When either of my kids gets hurt, I pop a Hershey's kiss in their mouth. It's sick and twisted and I'm sure you are all calling the motherhood police. But I do it. I also offer ice cream as a bribe more often than not these days. I'm amazed at the mileage of a vanilla cone.
I hate to vacuum, but do it more often these days because my husband believes that chips or crumbs in the carpet are grounds for divorce. So why not make the man who works outside the home 12+ hours a day happy... Because the woman who works inside the house 24 hours a day is tired. I vacuum anyway.
I have been enjoying this summer for the sheer fact that the hubbs likes to sit in the garage and have beers with the neighbors. This means the kids go outside with him too. That means that I can hide out in the house and read or watch tv, or go on Pinterest. It's been amazing.
I've been having issues with posting to my blog daily. I'm lazy, and sometimes uninspired. Ok, I've been super uninspired lately. Problem is, I feel like I'm missing out if I'm not posting everyday. Will someone tell me this isn't the case.
I've been known to wear maxi dresses three days in a row, just so I don't have to shave my legs. Look, my showers are rushed enough, without having to worry about cutting my leg off with a dull Venus razor. That's the truth.
I'm completely over the fact the the "5K" marathon is the new black. Most likely because I'm envious of anyone who loves to run. I hate to run. Fact: Running makes everything jiggle. Everything. And I'm not motivate to run long enough for them to stop jiggling. Why can't we go back to "5vodKa martinis" as the new black?
|Color Me Rad|
I'm such a follower that I'm going to jump off a bridge and join my friends in a 5K coming up. A good friend of mine has said that she will walk it with me. That's because we both agreed that while the "Couch to 5K" looks awesome on paper. The couch looks better.
Tell me it's not just me. Tell me some mommy confessions of your own!
And them link them up with these lovelies!!
She will make you laugh your ass off.
If you need that kind of thing.