Warning: This is just my opinion on the book Fifty Shades of Grey.
If you have not read the book, or plan on reading it,
then please note there are some mild spoilers
that are going to be discussed today.
If you don't care one way or the other,
here is my take on the "hottest" book around,
and why I sort of enjoyed it.
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Meet Ana Steele and Christian Grey:
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| via Pinterest: Deanna Dyer / http://media-cache5.pinterest.com |
Ok, let me back up a little. I knew going in that Fifty Shades was originally Twilight fan fiction. E.L. James wrote "Master of the Universe", featuring Edward and Bella in some compromising positions. I didn't have the privilege to read "universe", so I can't comment on that. However I will say, after reading all four Twilight books, I would have devoured any and all racy material featuring Edward and Bella.
Here is why I can't love Fifty Shades, it is so clearly Twilight erotica that I almost threw my Kindle. The characters in Fifty Shades have changed in name only. Christian is no longer a vamp, but he is still controlling and foreboding. Ana is still a plain Jane, klutzy as all get out, and still reading turn of the century British literature. Oh and let's not forget "Jose" who is so clearly Jacob Black that I gagged!
Ana's mother is still unstable and child like, Christian's brother is Emmet Cullen, and his sister, just fresh from Paris, is Alice. So much so, that I was waiting for her to have a vision where Victoria or the Volturi are on their way.
Now on to the smut here for a minute. We all know that the real pull to this book are the sex scenes. I will tell you right now I am no prude. I am not embarrassed about sex or sexual preferences. So the sex in this book was, as expected, hot and steamy. It was erotic on a whole different level, especially if you like to be shackled, tied, spanked, or submitted into orgasm. I'm all for getting tied up as much as the next gal, but seriously, when does Ana get to tie up Christan?
What got me the most about Fifty Shades was that I could only enjoy the book, because I read it as another book in the Twilight Saga. Fifty Shades is an author's interpretation of what would happen if Edward put aside his traditional views, and decided to bed Bella, on his terms, ie. restraining her so she can't make him lose control. I find it very telling that every time Ana blushes and flushes, that Christian loses all control, and becomes lustful for sex. Much like Edward would become lustful for Bella's blood at the quickening of her heart or at the blush of her skin. I kept yelling at my Kindle, "Just bite her already and turn her into a vampire!!!" It's also my opinion that this is exactly what would have happened in Eclipse, right after Bella graduated from Forks High, and Victoria didn't build her army and come looking for Bella. I wonder how Stephanie Meyer feels about that.
It may also just be the 34 year old housewife and mother of two in me, but was anyone else exhausted by the sex scenes? Sure they were enjoyable, and gave new meaning to "food for thought", but seriously? I was exhausted! I surely would not be able to wake up the next morning and do "it" all over again. Just reading Fifty Shades made me long for my bed, and 8 hours of uninterrupted sleep. Maybe I'm showing my age, perhaps if I was 22 like Bella, I mean Ana, I'd be totally hot for Christian too, but I'd rather have a snack and a nap at this point.
Fifty Shades had been deemed "mommy porn" and rightfully so, as it's very sexed up and no plot. I kept waiting for a pizza delivery boy or a pool boy to show up. I even wondered if Taylor, was going to film it all just to make it more like late night "skin-o-max". If I'm being honest, I will say that I kept wondering if Christian would do something truly erotic to all the haggard moms like me. Like say, take out the over flowing trash, or do the dishes that are stacked in the sink.
Maybe someone needs to write new "mommy porn" with believable turn-ons like, kids that don't night wake, dad's who take the overnight feedings, and come home from work with take out. Is it too much to ask, to have a scene where the most erotic action is being served breakfast in bed by a personal chef, and being told a housekeeper is on their way over, and that you are going to a spa day, where they show all your favorite shows on DVR?
No? Just me?
