Welcome to another edition of Dirty Secret Saturday.
This is a linky party just for you.
To get all those secrets off your chest.
It can be funny, it can be heartbreaking, it can be real.
It just has to be all yours.
We want all the dirt.
We want all the dirt.
All that we ask in return is you give us some bloggy love,
and share this button on your post.
Then let all your friends via Twitter and Facebook know,
we are partying it up over here!
Your hosts are:
Me, Absolute Mommy
Lena from Mom 2 Memphis and Ruby
and
Chrissy from A Lil Dash Of Diva
So sit back, relax, and link up all your recent or not so recent secrets!
How I brought some sexy back...
I'm going out on a limb today.
I'm going out on a limb today.
I'm sort of nervous to post this secret.
It's kinda embarrassing.
Here it goes.
I finally like sex again.
There I said it.
And if you're a momma you may know exactly what I'm talking about.
And if you're a momma you may know exactly what I'm talking about.
And if you're not a momma, then skip this because I don't want this to scare you.
Look, I'm super happy for you if you were a randy pregnant lady.
I'm even jealous of you if you were a hot and bothered new momma.
I'll be super jelly if you tell me that the sex never changed.
For me it did.
In a major way.
I swear I thought I broke my va-jay jay.
I'm dead serious.
Something happened to me once that pink line appeared.
I was sick and green and not feeling sexy at all.
I hoped that having that baby would bring the sexy back.
It didn't.
I like to say that my sex drive was thrown out with the placenta.
I'm convinced that the placenta takes it all.
Beauty. Brains. Sex Drive. Sanity.
I digress.
After pregnancy and then birth, the last think I wanted to do was have sex.
Didn't you just see what I pushed outta that thing?
Do you wanna know what it feels like to sit down?
I can't even imagine...
Plus, my va-jay wanted none of it.
Damn, girlfriend was tired.
Exhausted.
I felt like I owed her some time to relax.
So I was happy with a 6 week reprieve.
Only after 6 weeks, I was a mess.
But the countdown to "6 weeks post partum" was an actual thing in my house.
I put on a brave smile.
I didn't need "big girl" panites, I was still wearing them (thanks childbirth).
Most likely I was unshowered, speckled in baby vomit, and lactating.
Yet my hubby was over the moon.
And I felt like the 29 year old virgin.
Ouch, is a complete understatement.
Fast forward 2 years.
Lots of trying and failing at getting my groove back.
Lots of pain and resentment.
I was so mad at my body.
How dare my va-jay quit on me like that!
So when I say that we tried for another baby, we did.
We actually put in some work.
Well the husband was all about it.
Me?
Not so much.
A second baby did nothing for my sex drive.
In fact I was an even bigger mess.
What do you mean you want to have sex?
I haven't eaten a hot meal in days.
I haven't slept in 24 hours.
I don't remember showering recently.
And you want to have sex?
Seriously?
Plus both my va-jay and my uterus had hung a closed sign.
Did I even have any feeling down there?
I swear I was numb.
Emotionally and physically.
My va-jay was begging me to close up shop.
Girlfriend was tired.
Plus she didn't work like she used to, if you catch my drift.
Quickies were for a someone younger and in better shape.
Girlfriend needed some R&R.
So I found myself at this crossroads.
Still struggling with this concept of sex.
Struggling to want sex more than sleep, a shower,
or the current episode of Grey's Anatomy.
Was I ever going to want sex again, let alone like it?
Was I ever going to get my groove back?
Let's not forget the emotional struggle this caused in my marriage.
My husband thought I didn't love him anymore.
The intimacy was gone.
We were so awful to each other.
Well of course we were, we both needed to get laid.
For lack of a better term.
And the fighting.
Fighting about anything and everything, and it always turned into a fight about sex.
So with nothing to lose, I introduced a "sex" schedule.
Oh, don't grimace at me.
You've seen them in every women's magazine.
I saw mine in Redbook.
And I told him we would do it "every three days".
Every three days for a month.
That was the plan.
But life got in the way.
But we weren't mad this time.
Because we were on the same page.
And now, we are on a better schedule.
We like each other more.
A lot more.
We laugh and are at ease with each other.
We are happier and less stressed (go figure).
Turns out all girlfriend needed was some TLC.
And a little time to relax.
People noticed.
A friend asked, "so what's happening over there?".
I told her my secret.
And then we giggled about it.
Because for some reason, sex after motherhood is kind of taboo.
Why?
Why am I nervous to post that I'm finally bringing sexy back?
That I like it, look forward to it, and don't cringe when I have to think about it?
We're all big girls here, right?
I mean we did do the deed to get the kids, so why are we uncomfortable now?
Well now in our lives, there is a lot more on the line.
We are supposed to all be over joyed with motherhood.
Our houses are supposed to look like "when Pottery Barn meets Pinterest".
Our children are supposed to speak three languages and be miss or mr. manners.
And our marriages are supposed to be perfect.
Full of romance and date nights.
Love letters and racy texting.
For some of us they are, and that's great.
For some of us they're not, and could use a little work.
Or a "sex" schedule.
Any secrets you want to share?
