DirtySecretSaturday {Let's talk about sex}



Mom2MemphisandRuby


Welcome to another edition of Dirty Secret Saturday. 
This is a linky party just for you. 
To get all those secrets off your chest. 
It can be funny, it can be heartbreaking, it can be real. 
It just has to be all yours. 
We want all the dirt. 
All that we ask in return is you give us some bloggy love,
and share this button on your post. 
Then let all your friends via Twitter and Facebook know,
we are partying it up over here!

Your hosts are:
and
Chrissy from A Lil Dash Of Diva

So sit back, relax, and link up all your recent or not so recent secrets! 

How I brought some sexy back...

I'm going out on a limb today.
I'm sort of nervous to post this secret.
It's kinda embarrassing.

Here it goes.
I finally like sex again.
There I said it.

And if you're a momma you may know exactly what I'm talking about.
And if you're not a momma, then skip this because I don't want this to scare you.

Look, I'm super happy for you if you were a randy pregnant lady.
I'm even jealous of you if you were a hot and bothered new momma.
I'll be super jelly if you tell me that the sex never changed.
For me it did.
In a major way.

I swear I thought I broke my va-jay jay. 
I'm dead serious.

Something happened to me once that pink line appeared.
I was sick and green and not feeling sexy at all.
I hoped that having that baby would bring the sexy back.
It didn't.
I like to say that my sex drive was thrown out with the placenta.
I'm convinced that the placenta takes it all.
Beauty.  Brains.  Sex Drive.  Sanity.
I digress.

After pregnancy and then birth, the last think I wanted to do was have sex.
Didn't you just see what I pushed outta that thing?
Do you wanna know what it feels like to sit down?
I can't even imagine...
Plus, my va-jay wanted none of it.
Damn, girlfriend was tired.
Exhausted.
I felt like I owed her some time to relax.

So I was happy with a 6 week reprieve.
Only after 6 weeks, I was a mess.
But the countdown to "6 weeks post partum" was an actual thing in my house.
I put on a brave smile.
I didn't need "big girl" panites, I was still wearing them (thanks childbirth).
Most likely I was unshowered, speckled in baby vomit, and lactating.
Yet my hubby was over the moon.
And I felt like the 29 year old virgin.
Ouch, is a complete understatement.

Fast forward 2 years.
Lots of trying and failing at getting my groove back.
Lots of pain and resentment.
I was so mad at my body.
How dare my va-jay quit on me like that!

So when I say that we tried for another baby, we did.
We actually put in some work.
Well the husband was all about it.
Me?
Not so much.

A second baby did nothing for my sex drive.
In fact I was an even bigger mess.
What do you mean you want to have sex?
I haven't eaten a hot meal in days.
I haven't slept in 24 hours.
I don't remember showering recently.
And you want to have sex?
Seriously?

 Plus both my va-jay and my uterus had hung a closed sign. 
Did I even have any feeling down there?
I swear I was numb. 
Emotionally and physically.
My va-jay was begging me to close up shop.
Girlfriend was tired.
Plus she didn't work like she used to, if you catch my drift.
Quickies were for a someone younger and in better shape.
Girlfriend needed some R&R.

So I found myself at this crossroads.
Still struggling with this concept of sex.
Struggling to want sex more than sleep, a shower,
or the current episode of Grey's Anatomy.
Was I ever going to want sex again, let alone like it?
Was I ever going to get my groove back?

 Let's not forget the emotional struggle this caused in my marriage.
My husband thought I didn't love him anymore.
The intimacy was gone.
We were so awful to each other.
Well of course we were, we both needed to get laid.
For lack of a better term.
And the fighting.
Fighting about anything and everything, and it always turned into a fight about sex.


So with nothing to lose, I introduced a "sex" schedule.
Oh, don't grimace at me.
You've seen them in every women's magazine.
I saw mine in Redbook.
And I told him we would do it "every three days".
Every three days for a month.
That was the plan.
But life got in the way.
But we weren't mad this time.
Because we were on the same page.
And now, we are on a better schedule.

We like each other more.
A lot more.
We laugh and are at ease with each other.
We are happier and less stressed (go figure).
Turns out all girlfriend needed was some TLC.
And a little time to relax.

 People noticed.
A friend asked, "so what's happening over there?".
I told her my secret.
And then we giggled about it. 
Because for some reason, sex after motherhood is kind of taboo.

Why?
Why am I nervous to post that I'm finally bringing sexy back?
That I like it, look forward to it, and don't cringe when I have to think about it?
We're all big girls here, right?
I mean we did do the deed to get the kids, so why are we uncomfortable now?

Well now in our lives, there is a lot more on the line.
We are supposed to all be over joyed with motherhood.
Our houses are supposed to look like "when Pottery Barn meets Pinterest".
Our children are supposed to speak three languages and be miss or mr. manners.
And our marriages are supposed to be perfect.
Full of romance and date nights.
Love letters and racy texting.
For some of us they are, and that's great.
For some of us they're not, and could use a little work.
Or a "sex" schedule.


Any secrets you want to share?






16 comments:

  1. Megan... you are so amazing! Thank you for being honest!
    I'd admit that it changed for me after babies too!
    There are times I still struggle with body image and that has a HUGE affect on my sex drive... but I'm working on it! ;)

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  2. I can 100% relate! It's not just you, I promise!!!

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  3. I think most of us mommas can relate and girl you are hilarious. You totally put things out there in such a classy funny way and I'm glad you are getting your sexy back. I'm thinking we all need a sex schedule, ha ha. xoxo

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  4. Just when I think I couldn't love you more! I love this post so much I want to make out with it. Seriously. I went through a lot of the same things after the birth of my first daughter. It was a hard time and our marriage suffered too. I do think that hitting my 30's helped a lot. I'm 34 now and I'm more comfortable with myself, my body, with pretty much everything. Fab post this morning :)

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  5. yep. I think we should talk about sex more =)

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  6. I'm glad to read this! I have felt so dysfunctional in this area since mommy-hood!

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  7. OMG finally!! I could not relate to you more! and I love how open you are on the subject! It is completely refreshing. ;)

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  8. When I saw the link up for Dirty Secret Saturdays, I thought about this EXACT subject. Now, my family reads my blog so I don't exactly feel comfortable sharing the fact that I have ZERO desire to have sex right now. My daughter is 10 months old, and my Hubby and I probably haven't had sex in about a month and a half. I sat here shaking my head YES at EVERYTHING you were saying. Hubby tries to start something and I seriously catch myself rolling my eyes and saying to myself "REALLY? RIGHT NOW??" and I don't know how to stop it. I WANT to like sex, I WANT to please my husband, but I seriously have ZERO desire, and I honestly feel like something is wrong with me.

    So, anyways, I guess what I'm trying to say is thank you for crawling into my brain and posting the exact thing that I needed to see. And thank you for being brave enough to share!!!

    Rachael @ The Growing Tree
    http://thegrowingtreeblog.blogspot.com

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  9. Megan!! You are so awesome. I relate to this sooo, sooo well. =/
    I think a sex schedule is just what I need. I've recently started trying to bring back "date sex"... you know, doing it in the car in a dark alley, middle of the movie sex... stuff like that. But it's hard work bringing the sexy back.
    Thank you for sharing...

    And P.S. I'm not sure my emails are getting through to you. I think they may be kicking back. Let me know if you're getting them? XXo

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  10. Oh, mama, I LOVE YOU. Thank you for saying it. AMEN and AMEN.

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  11. One hundred and fifty percent agree! Its hard to get your groove back after baby. Love this post!

    (Ps.. not sure why I wasnt following you before.. I am now! Woot woot!)

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  12. I am a new follower from Little Mudpies, I have seen your button around and not sure why I havent visited. I 100% agree with this, I have 6 kids, and Lordy be I am thankful to have got my groove back :-) Come on over and visit:
    http:///pamelasheavenlytreats.blogspot.com

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  13. I am so so happy to read your secret!! I have lots of opinions around this issue that I won't say here for fear of ticking people off LOL, but I just have to say, if it's possible for me to be "proud" of another woman's love life, I'm proud of you! Good for you for making an effort for your husband...and for yourself! I know so many ladies that just give up on it, and it makes me so sad to hear.
    Great secret!!

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  14. Ah I love that you posted about this!! Mine was gone both times during the entire pregnancy and about 3 months after. Hubs was scared I was never going to want to have sex again. Lol, it's funny to look back and realize he was really scared about this! I am glad you are bringing sexy back!!

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  15. Love this! Your blog is awesome!

    http://shannonhearts.blogspot.com

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  16. Hey there! Love your cute blog! I just added myself to your followers for support and wanted to invite you to come enter a fabulous Steve Madden giveaway I'm having right now!!
    Hope to see you there! And thanks so much lady!
    Emily
    http://emilymmeyers.blogspot.com/2012/06/steve-madden-giveaway.html

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