WORE {Confidence}

Maxi Dress: Ann Taylor Loft Outlet
Stripped tank: Forever 21
Dirty bathroom mirror: Mac, age 2

 
 
Confidence is an old friend of mine.
We haven't talked in awhile.
She pops up from time to time, puts me back on track.
 
Before I had babies, I had a grip on "me".
I was finally comfortable with me.
My jeans size, my hair, how to put on make up,
that didn't make me look like a side show act.
Confidence was my best friend after college.
I was a working gal, drinking cosmos at happy hour, and enjoying "me".
I didn't question my moves, my successes, or my self.
 
Then I had a baby.
 
Confidence said her goodbyes in the delivery room.
She couldn't be bothered with breastfeeding, bottles, and poopy diapers.
She wanted nothing of PPD and sleepless babies.
She was so disappointed in me and my every three day shower routine.
And she was mortified that I wore make up less than once a month.
 
Slowly I got her back.
A full eight hours of sleep.
A date night.
A toddler who liked to watch movies while mom showered.
So by the next time I was in a delivery room,
Confidence sat in the waiting room.
She came in my room that night and watched as I did the mom routine with out a hiccup.
She came home with me and watched me as I fell into life as a mom of two.
She stuck around this time, no longer afraid of crying babies and lots of poop.
She comes and goes, making sure to drop in when I need a reminder.
 
Yesterday, I got up.
In the quiet of the morning I got ready.
With what passes for make up these days (beauty balm, bronzer, gloss),
and new hair product to make me look "done".
I looked for something to wear that would keep me cool in 95 plus temps,
but would also cover unshaven legs.
Because I didn't have time for that.
I found a maxi with a too low for kindergarten drop off neckline,
and a stripped and wrinkled, one more wear won't hurt, tank top.
 
It was perfect, a why didn't I think of that sooner, match made in heaven, outfit.
 
I felt GREAT!
 
So great that I tackled Target in the morning with Mac.
And Michael's with both girls in the afternoon.
We shopped, we had fun, and nobody cried.
I felt like I was doing something right.
I actually liked that person I saw in the car window.
 
Let me reassure you that a year ago, two years ago, this would not have happened.
I'm the mom who knows her limitations.
Shopping with two kids is a panic attack waiting to happen..
Like a cold sweat, yelling at kids from another aisle, panic attack.
 
Was it really just my old friend Confidence making an appearance?
Is it really that simple?
Can a little bit of beauty effort go a long way?
 
Is it weird that I think I'm just finally accepting the "mom" me?
That this is who I am, and while I'm not the confident adult I once was,
it's totally acceptable that I'm this.
This being a mom with confidence.
In how I look.
How I mother.
How I live.
 
Yesterday, my friend Confidence was with me.
She's changed, but so have I.
 
And we are finally ok with that.
 
 
 


 

16 comments:

  1. Good for you! I know that lack of confidence thing all too well...it comes with the mom territory. :) Love the outfit...you look great!

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  2. beautiful outfit! i just love this post - the words and the photo that accompanies it!
    kw, Ladies in Navy

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  3. That's awesome! You deserve it so rock it out Momma :) Love you!! This is so perfectly written! xoxoxoxo

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  4. You look cute!!! I love your outfit!

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  5. Such a good momma post!!! Even important for us non-mommas! Glad you've got your confidence with you!!!

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  6. Why do you always make me cry?! I struggle with missing what I lost when I had kids, but I never forget how much I've gained, and how "worth it" it is!

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  7. {Oh my goodness...I think I'm speechless...how do I put this in words?!}
    This post..."spoke" to me. I love the post...I love the outfit (how did you make it look like it's not just a tank top over a maxi?!)...and well, I love you (duh!)
    Maybe "Confianza" (that's my confidence's name, btw) will read this post too and come back to visit me again.
    xo

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  8. Confidence is definitely what makes or breaks things. That' really why ModaMama started. I needed that confidence, and that artistic outlet. Confidence. I'm so glad you've got your groove Stella ;)

    Sincerely,
    Joanna

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  9. Awesome... Love every single word written spoke to my inner confidence that gets lost sometimes love you momma!

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  10. Awesome... Love every single word written spoke to my inner confidence that gets lost sometimes love you momma!

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  11. Awesome... Love every single word written spoke to my inner confidence that gets lost sometimes love you momma!

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  12. Beautiful, I love how you write. You speak with truth and conviction -- and hey - confidence! :) You are beautiful inside and out! xoxo

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  13. I love this post! I can totally relate. It is hard to find that balance between finding yourself and being a mom. You look great!!

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  14. Love it! As a working mom of a 3.5 yo and a 4 mo who had a really bad day, I needed to read this today. Thank you for reminding me that "Confidence" will return.

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  15. Oh my goodness, this totally speaks to me! I found myself nodding my head and crying (a good cry) through the whole post. Thank you, thank you! It feels so good to know that there are others out there that feel just like me :)
    xo,
    Laurie @ Gallamore West

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  16. i am completely in love with this post. and i am not kidding. everything about it screamed ME! probably every mom, im sure. but my fave line was this:
    I'm the mom who knows her limitations.
    Shopping with two kids is a panic attack waiting to happen..
    Like a cold sweat, yelling at kids from another aisle, panic attack.
    You got an actual LOL on that =)

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