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| Maxi Dress: Ann Taylor Loft Outlet Stripped tank: Forever 21 Dirty bathroom mirror: Mac, age 2 |
Confidence is an old friend of mine.
We haven't talked in awhile.
She pops up from time to time, puts me back on track.
Before I had babies, I had a grip on "me".
I was finally comfortable with me.
My jeans size, my hair, how to put on make up,
that didn't make me look like a side show act.
Confidence was my best friend after college.
I was a working gal, drinking cosmos at happy hour, and enjoying "me".
I didn't question my moves, my successes, or my self.
Then I had a baby.
Confidence said her goodbyes in the delivery room.
She couldn't be bothered with breastfeeding, bottles, and poopy diapers.
She wanted nothing of PPD and sleepless babies.
She was so disappointed in me and my every three day shower routine.
And she was mortified that I wore make up less than once a month.
Slowly I got her back.
A full eight hours of sleep.
A date night.
A toddler who liked to watch movies while mom showered.
So by the next time I was in a delivery room,
Confidence sat in the waiting room.
She came in my room that night and watched as I did the mom routine with out a hiccup.
She came home with me and watched me as I fell into life as a mom of two.
She stuck around this time, no longer afraid of crying babies and lots of poop.
She comes and goes, making sure to drop in when I need a reminder.
Yesterday, I got up.
In the quiet of the morning I got ready.
With what passes for make up these days (beauty balm, bronzer, gloss),
and new hair product to make me look "done".
I looked for something to wear that would keep me cool in 95 plus temps,
but would also cover unshaven legs.
Because I didn't have time for that.
I found a maxi with a too low for kindergarten drop off neckline,
and a stripped and wrinkled, one more wear won't hurt, tank top.
It was perfect, a why didn't I think of that sooner, match made in heaven, outfit.
I felt GREAT!
So great that I tackled Target in the morning with Mac.
And Michael's with both girls in the afternoon.
We shopped, we had fun, and nobody cried.
I felt like I was doing something right.
I actually liked that person I saw in the car window.
Let me reassure you that a year ago, two years ago, this would not have happened.
I'm the mom who knows her limitations.
Shopping with two kids is a panic attack waiting to happen..
Like a cold sweat, yelling at kids from another aisle, panic attack.
Was it really just my old friend Confidence making an appearance?
Is it really that simple?
Can a little bit of beauty effort go a long way?
Is it weird that I think I'm just finally accepting the "mom" me?
That this is who I am, and while I'm not the confident adult I once was,
it's totally acceptable that I'm this.
This being a mom with confidence.
In how I look.
How I mother.
How I live.
Yesterday, my friend Confidence was with me.
She's changed, but so have I.
And we are finally ok with that.
