Absolute Mommy: Even my illnesses have psychological problems

Friends, I seriously can't make this up. One day, I hope to write a screen play of all the ridiculous shizz that is my life. I swear sometimes it feels like a Modern Family episode!

I woke up today feeling like death. My chest hurt. My armpits hurt. I had what I like to call a 2 pack a day cough. It was ugly. Since Turkey Day is Thursday, I didn't want to mess around, so I made a doctors appointment as soon as the office opened.

When I got there I was greeted by a large sight that said, and I'm paraphrasing:

If you have a cough or flu like symptoms,

don't be an a-hole and hack all over us.

Put on this mask.

Noted.

I'm sexy and I know it.

So I put on the mask, and of course I had to immediately post a picture to Instagram. It's what bloggers do, am I right?

I was quickly quarantined to an exam room. I didn't pass go, get weighed, or collect $200. The mask apparently is very intimidating, and others view you as an extra from Contagion or The Stand.

Me and the hubbs having a laugh.

I didn't have to wait long for my doctor. Who is a bowl of sunshine let me tell you. The woman looks like a fairy went through menopause, gained a good 30 pounds, and sports a grey pixie cut. Dare I say she sings her diagnosis? Well she does, and my diagnosis was manic bronchitis.

Let me type that again.

MANIC BRONCHITIS

Of course I couldn't wait to call my BF and relay the news that even my illnesses have psychological problems. Which she laughed hysterically, and I tried to laugh but hacked up a lung. It also forced me to write this blog post.

Can I just say that now that I have the bronchitis, I really ain't got time for this?

Mentally unstable bronchitis aside, it's not that bad. Things could be worse. Like a bloggy friend of mine who posted a picture to Instagram this morning of her kiddos lying on the floor with a bucket.

A Bucket.

I'll take my multiple personality bronchitis over the stomach bug any day.

Any. Day.

It wasn't so bad. My momma brought me my first red cup of the season

Next time you all have a cough or the sniffles, know that your illness is probably relatively normal. Like the common cold or strep throat. Because I would guess that you are most likely normal.

Not like me.

My illnesses must have psychological problems.