Two must be terrible...

 

 

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Excuse the "F" bomb, but shiz just got real.

 

Miss Mac is in the thick of it.  At 2.5 years, her whole life is currently a shiz show.  I feel like she wakes up mid tantrum and goes to bed mid tantrum.  Let's not forget the screaming, oh, the screaming.  For every little thing.  Can't get her shoe on?  Scream.  Can't get a little people van out of the toy box?  Scream.  Ask to watch Nemo, but then really want Yo Gabba Gabba?  Scream.  It's never ending.

 

This isn't to say she's an unhappy kid.  I think she is just frustrated, like all the "books" say.  So last week I decided to put myself in her shoes.  Look at the world from Mac's point of view. 

 

Here is what I found.

 

It must be a complete drag to shiz your pants.  I mean really.  Think about how hard it must be to just decide to poop, and then go ahead an poop where you stand.  All that trouble of never having to find a toilet.  Seriously, how does a two year old live this way?

 

It also has to be a cramp in your ass to have someone stop you to change said poop pants.  How rude, to be interrupted mid tea party with Elmo, to have someone change your pants.  Ugh, can't we just sit here and finish this Dora episode?  We really need to see if Dora can get Tico to "Tall Mountain".

 

Also I think that when you are two, it must be horrible to have some authority figure force you to bed.  Can you imagine someone hounding, begging, and bribing you to go to bed in the middle of the day?  Ugh, the injustice of it all!  The threats and the time outs alone are enough to drive a person mad, but then throw in mandatory sleeping?  Wow.  And then, if you do give in, and sleep just a little, that's not enough for the authority figures in your life.  They make you do it all over again when the sun goes down.

 

Speaking of time out.  I know that when I'm totally pissed off, the last thing I want to do is go sit on some dumb ass chair/rug/spot on the floor, and quietly think about what/who just pissed me off.  When you are two, this must be the mind "F" of all time.  I'm sure that my own two year old has her own baby language of obscenities that she throws at me along with her death stares, while I make her "think about" her actions.  Her actions being that she just lost her "shiz" because Barbie won't fit in the My Little Pony Car. 

 

In my opinion the worst part about being two is the never ending choices of food.  Someone is always making something for you to eat, and then if you don't like it they make something else.  And right away too.  It must be super hard to say no to roast chicken and mashed potatoes, then grilled cheese, and finally a hot dog.  So hard in fact that in the end we decide on goldfish crackers and string cheese.  I can't even imagine what that's like.

 

Like I said, being two must be the hardest part of growing up.  All the sleeping, the rude diaper changers, the short order cooks.  No wonder Mac is a walking time bomb.  From her point of view I can now understand all the injustices of being two.  I'll be able to better understand next time she throws her icee at me from the Target cart while I look for the right sized diapers for her precious bottom. 

 

 

Isn't two just terrible?