Two must be terrible...

 
 
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Excuse the "F" bomb, but shiz just got real.
 
Miss Mac is in the thick of it.  At 2.5 years, her whole life is currently a shiz show.  I feel like she wakes up mid tantrum and goes to bed mid tantrum.  Let's not forget the screaming, oh, the screaming.  For every little thing.  Can't get her shoe on?  Scream.  Can't get a little people van out of the toy box?  Scream.  Ask to watch Nemo, but then really want Yo Gabba Gabba?  Scream.  It's never ending.
 
This isn't to say she's an unhappy kid.  I think she is just frustrated, like all the "books" say.  So last week I decided to put myself in her shoes.  Look at the world from Mac's point of view. 
 
Here is what I found.
 
It must be a complete drag to shiz your pants.  I mean really.  Think about how hard it must be to just decide to poop, and then go ahead an poop where you stand.  All that trouble of never having to find a toilet.  Seriously, how does a two year old live this way?
 
It also has to be a cramp in your ass to have someone stop you to change said poop pants.  How rude, to be interrupted mid tea party with Elmo, to have someone change your pants.  Ugh, can't we just sit here and finish this Dora episode?  We really need to see if Dora can get Tico to "Tall Mountain".
 
Also I think that when you are two, it must be horrible to have some authority figure force you to bed.  Can you imagine someone hounding, begging, and bribing you to go to bed in the middle of the day?  Ugh, the injustice of it all!  The threats and the time outs alone are enough to drive a person mad, but then throw in mandatory sleeping?  Wow.  And then, if you do give in, and sleep just a little, that's not enough for the authority figures in your life.  They make you do it all over again when the sun goes down.
 
Speaking of time out.  I know that when I'm totally pissed off, the last thing I want to do is go sit on some dumb ass chair/rug/spot on the floor, and quietly think about what/who just pissed me off.  When you are two, this must be the mind "F" of all time.  I'm sure that my own two year old has her own baby language of obscenities that she throws at me along with her death stares, while I make her "think about" her actions.  Her actions being that she just lost her "shiz" because Barbie won't fit in the My Little Pony Car. 
 
In my opinion the worst part about being two is the never ending choices of food.  Someone is always making something for you to eat, and then if you don't like it they make something else.  And right away too.  It must be super hard to say no to roast chicken and mashed potatoes, then grilled cheese, and finally a hot dog.  So hard in fact that in the end we decide on goldfish crackers and string cheese.  I can't even imagine what that's like.
 
Like I said, being two must be the hardest part of growing up.  All the sleeping, the rude diaper changers, the short order cooks.  No wonder Mac is a walking time bomb.  From her point of view I can now understand all the injustices of being two.  I'll be able to better understand next time she throws her icee at me from the Target cart while I look for the right sized diapers for her precious bottom. 
 
 
Isn't two just terrible?
 
 

15 comments:

  1. I'm pregnant with my first but my sister has a son who is only 13 months and he already acts that way. He thinks everything should roll and boy oh boy when it doesn't he throws himself back and throws himself an amazing fit. It becomes very funny watching him trying to roll his shoe and then get pissed off. I find myself trying to reason with him and show his things that do roll but NO he wants the damn shoe to roll and that is the be all end all.

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  2. This. Is. Hysterical. I can't stop giggling...so true, sadly :)

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  3. this is HILARIOUS - and i'm right in the thick of the terrible two's too - so i can feel your pain!

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  4. Too funny! My daughter is only 15 months and starting the fits. I'm dreading her turning two. She is very stubborn :)

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  5. UGHHH finally...lol i am going through the EXACT same thing with my daughter. she will be three in december and everyone keeps sayiing...oh just wait three is worse. i loved this. :)

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  6. My son will be 2 in December and the screaming, throwing, tantruming is coming in full swing! The worst part is that he's good for me during the day but once daddy comes home he thinks he can push buttons and be horrible! Talk about two pissed off dudes! I feel a time out spot coming soon!
    I sympathize with you!
    Katlyn
    www.thedreamymeadow.com

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  7. oh honey TWO's leads into teenage threes and we just hit FOUR I am hoping FING happy is the theme :)

    Sharee'
    www.momFITtingitallin.com

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  8. Oh my god. I just shit my pants. HILARIOUS!

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  9. OMG. This couldn't be anymore true. I feel for you, but honestly I'm glad I'm not the only one going through it! ;)

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  10. At that age I was sure CPS was coming for me...I could have been classified as 51/50. Age 5 was the worst with my daughter. Hang in there, hopefully her spell doesn't last long.

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  11. Ha this made me laugh. I look at my baby and think, she can't possibly ever be like that one day! Ohh I'm in for it.

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  12. I smiled through this entire post!!!! Greatness Meg, just greatness!

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  13. O My Goodness!!!! This is so hilarious!!!! Still literally rolling!!!!

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  14. Oh jeez. I am cracking up! This is so funy... and scary because mine isn't there yet and I'm afraid :)

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  15. bahaha!! my son is 25 months and i find this hilarious. can't wait. not.

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