The mess that is my life.

Clearly my lack of focus is forcing me to post a recap of my Absolute Life via Instagram photos.  My BF posted on her Facebook a few days ago, that a young person at her work (and by young I mean born in the early 90s, I know gag), told her that she doesn't really use Facebook anymore because it's filled with old people.  My BF told her to watch out because we are taking over Instagram too.  And we are so watch out you young ins.  Now on to the show, which is more like a circus.

I took advantage of Vintage Sunshine's Insta hoop sale.
It's for my BFs baby.  
Because she needs it in her life.

Only in America are Twinkies and their comeback front page news.
I mean this is serious fat status.
I'm only saying that because I'm jealous.
I can't eat Twinkies.
Dumb intestines.

I was co hearsed into participating in a neighborhood 
garage sale.  There is nothing more satisfying than 
waking up at the crack of dawn,
on a Saturday morning, and selling your Nine West 
sea foam green pumps for five bucks.
That's right five bucks.
But seriously I couldn't stand to look at them
anymore since they were clearly a size 7 posing as an 8.

These are strawberries from the Salinas Valley in California.
I challenge you to find a better tasting strawberry.
These smell like my childhood and taste like home.

This is my new personal Hell.
In my day (insert old lady nagging voice), Leggos were simple building blocksin primary colors, 
sent to stimulate young minds.
They were not construction jobs, 
with 40 page instruction manuals that required
an engineering degree to complete.
And while it is fantastic that this set in particular 
is geared toward my six year old
daughter in hopes to inspire her to be an engineer, 
it's only inspiring me to
despise the brand, the miniature tiled blocks, 
and the time it took to complete.
Forty minutes is the time it took to complete.

Me and my photographer.
Because I'm so cool that I have a photographer.
Just kidding Laura is family, and I milk her talent to no end.
Thankfully she loves taking pictures and having fun.
Stay tuned for the pictures they are fabulous.
And they were taken under duress as 
Miss Mac screamed the entire time.

I know it's been weeks, but this was the best part of my 4th.
Plus this was the only firework that Miss Caitlin enjoyed.
And yes, she is clutching a flamingo.

Thank you Jesus for hats and Sunglasses.
Two day old hair.
No make up.
No sleep.
And no one on Instagram had any idea.

When I post this pic on Instagram I said we were having an 
ice cream sandwich luncheon.  
Because it's a sandwich and it has dairy which 
is a major food group.
And calling it a luncheon makes it a thing.
So it's a thing.

Not to be outdone, I also served a giant 
Oreo cookie ice cream sandwich.
Because a regular ice cream sandwich 
isn't enough when you are six.
Being six requires variety.

You know the story about this baby.
Let's get up to speed.  
She went with us to the Aquarium too, 
and was mistaken as an actual
baby since my mom was carrying her around.
Cue the hilarity as my mom had to explain why she was walking
around the Monterey Bay Aquarium with Black Baby.

Just for fun I'm adding this one of the Hubbs.
Who is in fact cleaning up and sorting all of 
Caitlin's birthday gifts.
As I sit on the couch comfortably and take pictures of him.
Then posting said pictures to Instagram.
And I could tell you that after I laughed 
and said "let me help".
But I'm not a liar.

Are you missing some serious sarcasm in your life?
You know it's one of life's greatest "asms".
Follow me on Instagram to get some.

I'm gonna chill with Jeanette today.


  1. I hate how you can't just buy Legos anymore!

  2. --->> one of life's greatest "asms" <<---
    Laughed so loud with coffee in my mouth!!! HA HA HA

    'cause for us "old folks", it's pretty much the only frequent "asms" you get...BAHAHAHAHA yes I went there...that's why you love me.

    Happy Weekend Friend! See ya on instagram:)

  3. I can't wait to see your pics! We have recently become a Lego family and luckily for us, the kid mostly want to do it on their own. I do however step on Legos all the time. So last week when the tables turned and two of them stepped on them? LAUGHTER!

  4. Can you please inform that 90's child that we (the nearly-to-mid 30's fabulous people) built Facebook. And we are allowed to be old on there and put pictures of our children and diet plans. :)

    PS -- I have a blog too, in case I forgot to tell you. Totally not as entertaining as yours.