Twitter will not destroy my marriage


There has been great debate around these parts that Twitter, nay, blogging and social media will be the demise of my marriage.  I kid you not.  My devotion to my blog, my tweeps, the Instagram followers, will indirectly be the death of my marriage, and in time the American family.  I couldn't make this up if I tried friends so let me explain...

When I started blogging a few years ago, it was just me and my blog.  I shared my "posts" on my personal Facebook page, and if I got a few likes on Facebook I was a happy girl.  I was exercising my writing chops that had been out of practice for far too long.  And I was happy.  The husband was happy.  My children were, well they were my children.  I posted about once a week if I could, and pretty much left it at that.

Then I found Pinterest.  Perhaps Pinterest should be blamed for the demise of my marriage.  At any rate, I found Pinterest and then I found a handful of bloggers who were crafty, and fashionable, and beautiful.  They wrote about their children, and the days they spent in perfectly decorated houses.  They made things like cake pops and fruit pies.  And they were blogging the way I wanted to blog.  To the masses, with followers, and sponsors, and they got free stuff.  It was like I had finally seen the light.

So I started following the "big girls", I linked up to the big girl leagues, I entered giveaways, and started following and following and following.  The more I read the more I wanted to be, and the more I wanted to be the more time I spent in front of a screen.  A computer screen or my iPhone screen.  Whatever it took to get one more follower, one more comment, one more like.

And so it took a toll.  You can't spend hours in front of a screen and expect a clean house and a happy family.  You can't blog to your hearts content and not sacrifice a few things around the house.  And this my friends has been the thorn in the side of my marriage.  A thorn that gets sharper with every like, comment, or uptick in followers.  A thorn that sticks and draws blood when I feel like the blog is calling me for more content, more sweat, more tears, more me... And when that blood is drawn, it's pow wow time

The Hubbs and I have a conversation.  Sometimes it's a fight.  We have been having this same conversation for over a year, and we have it periodically throughout the year.  The "why is this so important to you" speech.  The "are those people in your phone more important that us" speech.  And with an eye roll that almost causes me to keel over, I tell him no, they are not more important than you, or the children.  Those "readers" or followers behind the screen are not more important than my family... But my blog is important to me.  Maybe it's appears to be priority number one, or even number four, and while it will in no way compare to my real life touchable and tangible family, my blog is still important TO ME.

Because it's been a long time since something has been all mine.  It's been a long time since I have had something to show for all the spit up, all the poop, all the laundry, all the dishes.  All the mundane daily tasks that I take for granted.   All the tasks that are actually blessings in disguise.  It's been a long time since someone has told me "Hey that thing you did, it was fantastic".  It's been a long time since I worked on something so intently, and instead of it getting destroyed fifteen minutes after doing it, it lives, in black and white.

So perhaps, many of us lose ourselves to blogging or social media.  We like the idea that our status updates of cranky toddlers, sassy teenagers, or horrible service at Starbucks, is met with confirmation.  We like that the outfits and self portraits we post to Instagram are met with "you look great" or "you're a hot mama", because most days, we don't hear anything remotely close.  We need that confirmation, we crave it.  Because we are confirming all the life around us, selflessly.  WE make sure that those around us are safe, content, and happy.  So it's nice to get some of that confirmation in return.

Social media and blogging will not and cannot be the demise of my marriage.  I won't let them.  Both have made me incredibly happy over the last two years.  The friends I have made.  The community of women who stand together, even when they don't see eye to eye on every single thing.  We still have a great love and great respect for each other.  Being in this community makes me happy, makes me feel whole again, makes me feel like a person again.  It reminds me that I was Megan first, and then I became Mommy.  

So no, social media and blogging will not ruin or destroy my marriage.  

As long as the Hubbs continues to ignore my blog posts.

9 comments:

  1. I rely on social media so much during the day. I'm a social person by nature, yet I spend the majority of my time with a toddler who, while cute, isn't the best company on most days. I love being "surrounded" by a group of other women who know and feel the same way as I do. My online playgroup, if you will.

    I won't give up blogging, or IG, or FB... not while people are still there cheering me on!

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  2. Okay, good.... I'm not alone. ;) The hubs is quick to blame EVERYTHING on the fact that I blog... ha! I have taken a few steps back and the focus is on my family first. But I don't think I could ever give social media up completely...

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  3. I can't give it up either...hey, if this is my only addiction, it's pretty damn great, right? AND I get to write...that's my passion. It's what before everyone else made me ME and continues to make me whole.
    And like you said...as long as he isn't reading my posts it's all good in the "Nay"borhood:)
    AMEN SISTA AMEN!!!
    (and any way - if the hubby only knew that I am much nicer on my blog about him anyway!)
    Love you mucho!

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  4. What a net post! I really enjoyed it !

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  5. We'll said. It is SO nice to have something of my own! Even one "like" or comment makes me feel good on a hard day.

    Nicole @ first comes love...
    nicoledschaak.blogspot.com

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  6. Thank you, thank you, thank you! Thanks for reminding me why I love blogging so much and why it's important for me to return to it! I've been on hiatus for a while for pretty much everything you articulated so beautifully! It was causing fights and guilt over neglected housework and well...children, at times. But to use one of my favorite quotes..."If Mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy." As always, you rock! :)

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  7. Wow...I just had a very similar "conversation" (aka, fight) with my hubby about this very same topic. It's so hard to find that balance. I barely blog anymore...and I've had a lot more time for him....but I miss my blog, my blog friends, everything that went along with it. I don't want to sacrifice the ONE thing that I enjoy for myself...but I also know my child is growing up before my eyes, and my husband feels neglected....sigh.

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  8. Sister child me and my husband fight a lot about me blogging. So much so that I stopped blogging around him. I have been fitting it in before he got home from work and when Jack was napping. Since I work full time I can't blog during the days so I rely on that time. However, this isn't working because that use to be the time that I exercised so me and Mr. had a talk about me having to have blog time. He thinks it is stupid but I think his obsession with Being Human and The Walking Dead is stupid but yet I give him that time to watch so I deserve time to do what I want to do.

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  9. I don't even blog, I use social media and surf the net, do a lot of my shopping on line because shopping with a toddler sucks.....and I get bitched at constantly about my "gadget" time.....according to him my "gadgets" are more important to me than anything else and my daughter could fall and bust her head open, eat poison, break a leg and vomit all over herself and I would never notice.....to me it's my break from real life, it's my me time and its how I relax....I don't drink beer and play video games.....I don't work away from home on most days so I am here non stop and it gets old and boring and the Internet makes me happy, like right now when I can't sleep at midnight and I can read your blog and relate to you...I have wanted to start blogging but I have no time and I'm scared....so I just follow a bunch of cool ladies like you and live vicariously :)

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