How I've Changed {Blogtember}


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Last week's prompt for Blogtember was How has blogging or social media changed you.  When I read it, a million ways flooded my mind.  There were too many to put into words and so I just sat here.  At the keyboard with a blank page.  How do you count the ways that blogging, simply self publishing your words, has changed you?  It's almost impossible.  

Recently I've been going back and reading some of my posts from my first year blogging.  Let me tell you, it's been an experience.  Some of the posts are so very long.  Some ramble a bit.  There have been typos, and run on sentences.  Rookie mistakes.  It was also refreshing, as I could plainly hear my voice.  The one I'm still using today.  The one that many of you comment that you love.  So while many of my posts are riddled with poor spacing, unedited photos, and mismatched fonts, it's very plainly me.

Sadly, as I go though my second year of blogging, I see the blogger I didn't like.  The one who was concerned with the numbers game.  The one who wanted in on every giveaway, wanted to sell lots of ad space, the one who was looking for any gimmick to grow her blog.  It was sad.  Pathetic.  I was so lost, and regrettably so was my voice.  Looking through them I'm surprised I got any comments at all, that I had any traffic at all.  Because who really wants to listen to someone go on and on about products they will never use again, ad space they are so desperately trying to sell, blog hops that will "maintain" their readership?

So here I am now.  Close to three years into this gig.  I still make zero money on this blog, save the occasional product review, the occasional partnership with another blogger.  I still have the same amount of followers I had close to a year ago.  Holding steady in my GFCs (which are useless now), and once in a while gain a reader or two on Bloglovin.  But those numbers don't mean much anymore.  Now I find meaning in comments and interactions.  Now I find meaning in making new friends and helping them grow their blogs and shops.

I've also found new meaning in words.  What I write.  What I say.  I've found new meaning in my voice and staying true to it.  I've become more confident, writing with my heart on my sleeve.  Bringing brutal honesty to an entirely new level.  Much to my husband's dismay I might add.  Confidence that has allowed me to drop the occasional eff bomb.  Confidence to admit the cracks in the exterior.  Confidence to be me, and continue to explore the new me.  The one that is still an imperfect mom, the one that is still not the best wife, the one who is still trying to hold on to her type A personality, in a type C (for chaotic) life.  Confidence that allows me to live this life, as imperfect that it is, and to share this life with you.  To show you that we all have similar stories.  That we are mostly on the same page.  To show that you and I are not alone in the journey that is motherhood.

Oh, how blogging has changed me.  Not just as a writer and a blogger, but as a person too.  I'm a better mother and wife, because I can share personal failures here.  Only to find they aren't that bad.  I can share stories that aren't really funny, but find a way to laugh at them anyway.  Blogging and writing has a great way of pointing out the silver lining.  Which is great, because most days I need that.  

I was so afraid to start a blog way back when.  Which seems so silly today.  But like with anything, there is always a time, and always a place, you just have to get there.  Blogging is now the thing that saves me.  The thing that motivates me.  The thing that brings me great joy and satisfaction.  Because every time I hit publish, I've done something.  Made something all my own.  With words, and a voice, and a feeling.  With passion and emotion.  With honesty and sometimes sarcasm.  

I guess the real question is,
Are there ways blogging hasn't changed me?


The fantastic blog Story of my Life
is hosting Blogtember.
This was the prompt for 9/12.
There are still prompts to participate in,
check it out!

4 comments:

  1. Such a great post. Blogging changes so much about each of us. I'm so glad that you blog. You're one of the "real" ones. ;)

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  2. Beautiful post! I love seeing my transition as well, from the beginning. I like to think I'm getting better and more comfortable with this game.

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  3. I LOVE that you keep things real. I still use blogger to read the blogs I follow. I hate it when I find a new blog and they don't have GFC because I usually don't end up following them. Keep on keeping it real for us moms who need to hear that sometimes everything isn't sunshine and rainbows.

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  4. I'm just going to be real, right back atcha - I am facing a struggle, I have the desire to write, to write quality over quantity, to speak authentically and truly to my voice, but then there is that part of me that needs motivation to make time for it right now. I feel like that is why a lot of sponsored posts get put out there and others don't. I know I've sold out and part of me hates that - and I want to get back to where I want to be with sharing real stuff, but it feels impossible currently - the true voice is there, its just hard to find time right now. Does that make me a horrible failure as a blogger? Maybe so. Have I lost people who came for the real me and are getting only part of me at times? Most definitely. I don't know how to get back there, it is just so hard to put myself out there and have no one, not one damn person say anything and then put out a sponsored post and have 15 people comment. It makes the real me feel rejected and the sold-out me feel justified. I feel like I need to find the balance between the two and I guess that is my focus for now, and maybe I should just roll with it - maybe I'm just stuck in 2nd year blogging and now that I've passed the threshold into my 3rd year I'll arrive at that ah-ha moment and it will all just click. I really hope so.

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