Oh for F**k's Sake! {stupid parents: dance class edition}

Saturday started out normal.  Simple.  We were running late for dance class even though we woke up early.  The kids couldn't eat anything for breakfast unless it included the words "dough" and "nut".  I was tired from watching old episodes of Parenthood and crying my eyes out.  So you know, it was just a normal day.  And I was totally and 110% prepared for it to stay that way until...

Excuse my French.
I am not making this up.  This is a true story that still, more than 24 hours later makes my blood boil.  There I was, sitting on the bench, playing Candy Crush while keeping one eye on Mac (kind of), when the people next to me started talking, urgently.  Then quickly "Grandma", ran into class and swiftly took a tiny dancer straight to the bathroom.  I asked if everything was ok, and the "aunt", not really sure who she is but she's part of the family unit I guess, says that she thinks she's going to be sick.  I was horrified because I hate all things vomit, but I was like, that's awful, because getting sick anywhere that isn't home, is awful.  So I was in full sympathy mode until she says:

Well she threw up this morning so I guess she's sick...

To which I replied:
And you brought her anyway???
Insert non resting, totally controlled, bitch face.

Well yeah, she wanted to come.

Are you EFFING kidding me?  First of all let's talk about the fact that you and "Grandma" knowingly brought a sick child to dance class.  A dance class that is being taught in a box.  With no air flow, with no window, and half the time the air isn't on.  So now dance class has turned into the Box of Bubonic Plague/Armageddon of Stomach Flu Death.  That's the first thing that I thought.  The second thing that went through my mind was, don't you have any effing common sense and know that you can't send a child to school if they have thrown up within the last 24 hours.  Then I realized that no, they are probably the same "parents" that do that shit.  Because we know you are out there.  You can't hide from us.  We know.  And by we, I mean all of us parents with effing common sense.  The third thing to cross my mind was that these people were here because they paid for the class, and nothing, not even vomit, will come in the way of getting their money's worth.

As you can plainly see I was disgusted.  First because I hate vomit and I hate to vomit.  I couldn't even watch Jackass because I just knew that at some point there would be vomit.  My husband and I almost got divorced because while I was pregnant and on the brink of vomit every minute, he watched a show I asked him to change because I was pretty sure the guy was going to vomit.  And when he did, and I said "I told you so", world war three almost broke out.  So as you can see, I am diligent in the war against the stomach flu bug.  I Lysol everything within an inch of it's life, and I don't clean even once a week.  I will not use a toilet that someone who has the flu has used, even if it means peeing my pants.  I even nursed the husband back to health last year in a mask and rubber gloves.  

Now besides the fact that I hate vomit.  I also had to pause and think about the fact that they brought her to class, regardless of her germs because SHE WANTED TO COME.  Oh, well, then of course.  Because she is five or six and knows exactly what is best for her and her health.  It's good that you are letting her make decisions for herself now, so that in 10 years when she wants to have sex with her boyfriend, or quit school, or I don't know, wants to try crack, you will totally be on board with that.  Good, that's the perfect way to parent.  Thank you.  Thank you for showing me WHAT NOT TO DO.

Here is the best part of this story.  Are you ready?  Are you sitting down?  Instead of coming back to the benches and gathering their things and leaving, they waited until class ended so she could GET HER STICKER.  Let me paint the picture:  Little girl covered in sweat, wet paper towel on her head, Grandma gathering bags, all while BREATHING ON EVERYONE ELSE, so she could get her sticker.  Listen, if you really need a happy face sticker, I will go to the store tomorrow and buy you a pack of 500.  I mean if it's life or death, 
I'll happily get you all the stickers you want.

Are you serious?
Is this real life?
I couldn't make this up if I tried.

I didn't say anything face to face, but I did leave a message for the Director of the studio.  Because you know, stupid people are the ones who need specific instructions.  They need a flyer posted to say, "If your child has a fever or is vomiting or has done so in the last 24 hours, please keep them home".  Maybe we should record it and play it for them?  Set it to song?  Create a dance number to it?  Because obviously knowing that dance class is no place for dry heaving isn't an easy lesson to teach.

 So please, parents, we are all on the same side here.  Let's do what we can to minimize germs, especially less than a month into school.  Let's work together to make our kids healthy and happy.  Let's teach them to respect others and to share most things, except for germs.  Let's teach our children that they don't always know what's best for them.

Because if you bring a sick kid to dance class, school, or a birthday party you are doing a disservice to your child and the children around her.  You are also infuriating the parents around you who have enough common sense not to bring their vomiting kid to the party, dance class, or whatever.  
And in addition to looking stupid, 
you are also being a complete and total asshole.

Yak Pack giveaway still live.
Knock yourself out.


  1. Thanks for making me laugh this morning. I got 2 hours of sleep last night and that laugh may have just been the push to get my butt into work. I work at a school so I see this stupidity all the time.

  2. Your blog is the only one that truly makes me LOL. I mean, I'm sitting here (well, propped up in bed as I read blogs and catch up on Shark Tank) and totally laughing out loud. I say it ALL THE TIME - most parents do not have common sense and should not be parenting! Because you know what? They are raising our future who is entitled, has no common sense and knows nothing but instant gratification!

  3. I hear you. I have three kids and if JUST ONE gets sick, it's all over, because then all THREE get sick. I hate it. Sometimes, it's an accident and I get that, but if you know, it's awful. I have canceled a dinner 2 hours before because out of nowhere all of my kids sounded like they had bronchitis. Turned out to be allergies, but I'd rather not infect everyone. Once I went to a play date where the mother thought it was a clogged tear duct- with gunk in the kids eye. NOPE- pink eye. All three kids got it and once one cleared up, it happened again. So ONE MONTH of pink eye. It was sooo hard to get rid of. PLUS- the damn eye drops were $90 a bottle times three- twice. Thanks for that.

  4. Standing in applause over here. Some people. I swear! You should take a sign and hang it on the dance studio door ;)

  5. OH MY GOSH. You are seriously HILARIOUS. I adore your writing style.

    I would have SLAPPED that Grandma. You'd think in all her years she'd learn to not bring a sick kid, to a dance class. WTF. I would have said something. Be considerate.

    Urks me.

  6. I seriously feel like I could have wrote this. Haha. Why are people so ignorant?!

  7. Now that's terrible. That poor kid! And geez, when my daughter is sick but wants to go swimming, I tell her no. You're sick.

  8. This right here, "Well yeah, she wanted to come." is exactly why kids are becoming spoiled brats and turning into mean ass/stupid teenagers and even stupider adults. This kind of shit pisses me off! Especially with jay in school now, because I just know parents send their kids to school sick - I bet me getting sick was the direct result of whatever germ fest Jay brought home from school! I'll put it this way, I kept him home the first day I was feeling like utter crap because I was afraid he had my germs and I didn't want to send him to school and get all of the other kids sick! It's freaking common sense.

    Okay, rant over.

    Wait, that woman shoulda been slapped.

    Now, rant is over.