Lost and Found

I lost myself the other day... Well I kind of just lost it all together.  My Facebook post went something like this...
Feel kinda funny... Like I got robbed or hijacked. All this hard work and outreach and it got taken... Well only time will tell... Just keep blogging...
Now many of you commented and thanks for that.  But at the heart of it was just plain jealousy.  Jealous of some one's success.  I was equally mad and ashamed at the same time.  That combo kept me awake all Sunday night.

I swore I wasn't going to be wrapped up in this part of blogging.  The comparisons, the number of followers, the number of "like"s on a page... I tried really, really hard not to focus on that stuff, but in recent days, it's been on my mind.  Something I've wanted.  I did what so many other bloggers advise not to do... I compared myself.  In my defense the comparison was on the same level.  I'm no GussySews, Casey Wiegand, or LittleMissMomma.  But the person I compared myself too, we are pretty much equals.  And it just about killed me that they were cashing in, and I was trying to catch up...

The Green Eyed Monster got a hold of me and got a hold of me good.

I should not have taken it so personally.  But I did.  What's so great about them?  What do they got that I don't?

So I had my Facebook Pity Party Hissy Fit... And then the BF called.

I knew it was her, and before I could even start to plead my case she said... "You wanna get right with this or what?"

So I told the story, and she listened, because that's what she does.  And when I finished she asked me:

Why did you start blogging? 
No, wait, think about it, why did you start blogging? 
Tell me why.
Then it hit me.

To write.

To get right with this mess, my world, my brand of mommyhood.

To feel accomplished.

To have something to call my own.

Then I remembered.  I remembered that in the beginning it was all about the post.  The writing and my lovely friends and family that would read it and praise the subject or the story.  When the blog comments were nil, and my Facebook comments were few.  The people who took the time to take a peek at my world.  Those people who made my days.

Which made me think about all the private messages received after this post.  The ones that made me cry.  The ones that made me laugh.  The ones that thanked me for making it OK.  OK, that the kids watched 2 hours of Nick Jr, for a moment of sanity.  OK, that Mac and Cheese 3 nights a week is sometimes the reality.  OK, that wearing the same outfit to 3 different events is perfectly acceptable, since those are now our "dressy" clothes.  Those readers who reinforced what I always knew.  That I was not alone.  That mothers like us are not alone.

Now I get comments from strangers.  Many that have become awesome bloggy friends.  Amazing bloggers who solidify that this was the best decision I have ever made for myself since becoming a mom.

It took a hissy fit and some blind jealousy to really appreciate what has been created here.  Do I like the comments? Absolutely.  Do I like the jump in followers recently?  You bet.  It's a great ego boost for sure, but they shouldn't make or break me.  Truth is I didn't even start checking stats until August.  Which was also the month I began participating link ups.  If I take that into consideration, I have come a long way since August...

So I realized that it's not so much about the comments as it is the connection.

Just like this blog isn't about being followed it's about writing what's in my mind and heart.

I talk a lot about "owning it".  Whatever your "it" may be.  Well it's time I owned this.

My writing.  My blog.  Myself.

So I found myself.  Again.  And I'm enjoying it all over again.

Happy Blogging,
Megan
Want to discover something amazing?
It's faith in motion
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19 comments:

  1. True that girlfriend!! Love that you shared this, I know I can totally relate. What matters is how you react afterwards. Love ya!

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  2. Megan - seriously, I have had TONS of these moments. And it is HARD not to compare, but at the end of the day it doesn't matter. I LOVE reading your blog and seriously....love the person you are. I recently came to the conclusion that if I stay with 300 followers forever, than that's 300 strangers that truly want to listen to what I say. I wouldn't want artificial listeners, right?!? Does that make sense???
    Keep on blogging...pretty please...You can always count on me to listen.

    And for reals - road trip needs to happen!
    Courtney
    www.lilnoodlebug.com

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  3. My favorite bloggers are the ones that can be real just like you have been in this post. I wrote a post a while back about my case of the jeals. It grabs a hold of you for sure. Keep your chin up. So glad I found you through The Blog Tap. All the best!

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  4. Oh my how you summed it all up. Way to own the hissy fit! I always just stomp around feeling bad about myself, then realize how stupid I'm being. It's just so damn impossible not to compare yourself and get jealous when someone else is doing what you hope to do. Stopping by way of the Foley Fam's FB post about this post.

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    1. Thanks for stopping by! And just so you know this won't be the only hissy fit. LOL

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  5. Megan..thank you for being so real and honest. Because at times this is exactly how I feel. Heck if we all haven't felt a little "owned" by our blogs at times then we wouldn't be human. Bottom line... Your blog rocks and I'm so glad to have found it. OWN IT GIRLFRIEND!!

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  6. I do the same thing! I think I lost myself for a bit and now I am trying to get back into what I like to do. Which is write and write for me.

    I love your blog because you tell it like it is. No sugar coating!

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  7. GO GIRL! This really hits home for me. Thanks for being real. I think we all fight this battle.

    xoxo

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    1. Tara, Lacey, and Nicole,
      First thanks to all for reading. And thanks for being honest back. I think we all get a case of envy but it's how we act about it that counts. Just like Kristine up there said. I'm working on it.

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  8. Yay You! You figured it out! You figured out what is so hard for so many of us {and you put it out there!}

    You get an A+...why? because this is a post that will need to be shared all over FB...proud of ya!

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    1. Thanks for sharing it ALL OVER FB! I so appreciate that!
      And it just looks like I figured it out. I'm working on it.

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  9. What an amazing and honest post!! I am so glad you posted this because I was starting to feel the same way and this is the kick in the pants I needed. I GREAT reminder of why we do what we do!
    I am definitely a happy new follower!!
    -Natassia

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    1. Shut the front door... It's NatsKnapsack! Be still my heart! Thanks!

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  10. I can relate to this. And know what? It was another awesome bloggy friend whom I love who asked me the same thing. She put into perspective for me why I even started and what I want to do with my blogging. It's easy to get caught up in the blogging thing and get sidetracked. Keep true to yourself and do it at your own pace, be you and nothing else. Thanks for opening up about this. I was worried about you after that facebook post. xoxo Salena :)

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    1. It's really amazing what really great friends can do. I'm amazed at the ones who have known me for years, and the ones I've just met in bloggy land.
      Thanks and as always HUGS for you.

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  11. I love this! and I love you! Your posts are funny, honest and tell it like it is. Life is not perfect and trying to make things seem that way is not how or who you are. You are smart, creative, loving and one day I hope to be half the mother you are to the two most beautiful little girls out there. You are not only my cousin, my shopping partner, you are my friend and I love reading about all your adventures, good and not so good. I know you will not let anyone or anything bring you down because you are such a beautiful person inside and out and I want nothing but wonderful things for you!
    Loves,
    Kimberly

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    1. You my friend are one of my favorite people in life. Thank you.
      Also, you are so beautiful as well, and always put up with the crazy over here.
      Thanks and love, ALWAYS

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  12. So I'm one of those strangers who now drops a comment on your post. :)) You were so real in this post, you have written this with your most honest and pure heart, which I think the very reason this post turned out beautifully. :))

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  13. Oh goodness... I know these feelings all.too.well!! It's so frustrating and it can be really hard to see someone else's successes when you feel like you are working just as hard and putting your heart out there. I think about that more often than I should and compare. It's hard not to! No matter what other bloggers preach about not comparing, they still do. I get pretty depressed about it often.... I'm so grateful that you weren't afraid to be open about it!! I needed to hear that reminder about why I blog. I think with all the reading and comparing it definitely gets forgotten why I started blogging in the first place. Thank you so much for being so honest and real and helping me when I needed it!! Love your post and your blog!!

    Megan

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